Sunday 10th May 2026
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Witch Hunt Review – ‘Dizzily funny writing and disastrous hair’

Susannah Goldsbrough
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Witch Hunt Review – ‘Dizzily funny writing and disastrous hair’

“I’m toxic, crazy and a womanizer!” announces men’s rights activist Tommy Neck (Alistair Inglis) in a saliva-spraying Glaswegian growl. “Those are also, in my opinion, Britney’s three best songs” he adds conversationally, without missing a beat. And so Witch Hunt, penned and performed by three recent alumnae of the Oxford Revue, blasts into life, a hot mess of politically-charged and gloriously weird gags.

Crammed into a narrow room upstairs at the Grassmarket Centre on a late-night billing, it falls entirely to the three performers to generate an atmosphere. And they do a brilliant job, nailing a series of increasingly weird and whacky jokes that peck away at the political absurdities of today’s world, through heavy accents and sweat-slicked wigs.

Over the course of an hour each actor delivers three or four distinct roles. The unquestionable stand out is Derek Mitchell’s Dawn Mackintosh, a cringing, simpering play on all the Sarah Palins of America – part-time bible class teacher and full time homophobic horror show with a 60s perm. As the show progresses, her daughter’s lesbianism (“I’m a Christian, and I love you… but I also worship, like next-level adore vagina”) and her own sexual frustration sees her smile stretch increasingly taut and her outburst become ever more funny. In one scene she interrupts a TV chef’s lasagne demonstration to squeak, ‘I get my lasagne sauce from a jar. One time, I found a baby bird in it!’ with the horribly misplaced merriment of someone on the verge of nervous collapse. By the end of the scene, so is the audience (from laughter, not nerves).

Meanwhile, Kathy Maniura’s obnoxiously self-satisfied, scarf-wrapped and cigarette jabbing J.K. Rowling is busy reminding everyone just how rich she is (“so rich, so rich”, for anyone wondering) and entering the world of professional politics with the breathy announcement that “Filch is… a Syrian refugee!” Inglis pulls off a head-spinning double gender flip as Tommy Neck, who is himself in disguise as a feminist figurehead of the SNP. The moment his cover is accidentally busted by a Robbie Williams ringtone, because “only a middle aged heterosexual man would cry at Angels”, formed one of the best jokes of the show.

It’s not the finished article, yet. Witch Hunt needs a bit of a rethink when it comes to plot and structure. The threads hang together a little loosely, a little over-elaborately – do we really need the gay fascist EU President Milosz, the central character who ties all the others together, but who we never quite manage to meet? And I wasn’t entirely convinced by the final minute effort to wrap the show up in the theme of witches – J.K. Rowling… get it? It felt a bit last ditch, as though the writers had suddenly realised that the connections between American evangelicalism, Glaswegian men’s right activism and children’s fiction aren’t all that obvious. But all it requires is it a bit of careful rejigging, because, at its heart, this sketch show knows exactly what it’s doing. That is, plucking away at a few of the ugliest threads of life in 2018, and playing them for every laugh they can get. With a few lizards thrown in. Because this is late night Fringe comedy, after all.

Scholars’ gowns should inspire, not intimidate

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Scholars’ gowns should inspire, not intimidate

It’s been over a year since students voted to reject an OUSU motion proposing a ban on scholars’ gowns. The arguments for and against the ban are well-versed. Rather than rehashing these old arguments, I’d like to engage in a moment of introspection. Why is it that scholars’ gowns make some of the rest of us feel inadequate, or insecure?

I don’t mean to dismiss the issues raised by those in favour of a ban; they were legitimate concerns, although unlikely to be solved simply by abolishing the gown. I think, however, that a large degree of the criticism surrounding scholars’ gowns comes down to feelings of resentment. It’s this we should address.

One of the greatest challenges at Oxford is adapting to an environment in which all of your peers are at least as smart as you are. We’re all Oxford students, we’re all (ostensibly) very smart, and a lot of us probably came from schools where we were used to being counted among the best and brightest. Suddenly being plunged into a world where you’re just one in thousands can be hard, and a lot of us struggle with imposter syndrome at the first sign of difficulty. If we aren’t the best, what are we doing here? Why aren’t we more like those with scholars’ gowns? Should we be here at all? Many of us wrestle with these questions, myself included, and I don’t seek to invalidate those feelings.

That having been said, it isn’t the university’s job to answer them, especially if they must scrap centuries of tradition to do so by removing these gowns. It’s tough to adapt to an environment in which you’re not necessarily the highest performer but learning to accept this truth is a vital part of maturing, and indeed learning.

I don’t have a gown. I only have a few friends who do, and I won’t pretend that I’m not jealous of them; there’s a competitive part of me that wants to be the best and is frustrated by this visible evidence that I’m not. But the difference between us is that I know they’ve earned it and I haven’t. With a little self-awareness, I can’t help but acknowledge that in my own case, I haven’t worked as hard as they have, and I’m perhaps not quite as talented as them either. That’s not an easy thing to come to terms with, but I’ve ultimately got no right to demand that they downplay their achievements to cater to my feelings.

Scholars’ gowns aren’t about the people who don’t have them, they’re about rewarding the excellence of the people who do. An incredible and admirable amount of hard work and talent go into earning them, and it’s only fair to recognise that in some way. The success of a few of us doesn’t mean that the rest of us don’t deserve our places at Oxford, and it shouldn’t be viewed as a snub – a commoner’s gown is the default for the majority, not for an underprivileged minority. It’s ridiculous to act as though we’re being treated as second-class members of the University community because we aren’t being rewarded in the same way as students who have performed very highly. Our equality as students is not contingent on the uniformity of the gowns we wear.

I asked a friend of mine who’d recently received his gown what he thought about its criticisms. Did he view us differently now that the long sleeves had potentially gone to his head? Of course not. At the end of the day, a gown is just an outfit and the person wearing it is just another student. Gowns, he argued, are about continuing centuries of tradition and celebrating achievement; they’re not designed to make people feel insecure, but rather they are “something to aspire to and challenge oneself to get”. Maybe you could argue that we should just be aspiring for the best grades possible, not an oversized coat, but you’d be missing the point – the gown is a visible symbol of success and a reminder not to get complacent. How we react to it is a personal matter, not one for the university.

The reality of life is that not everybody gets to be the greatest. This fact can be tough to accept, but ultimately our inner feelings are our own: it’s up to us to confront or ignore them as we see fit.

Premier League Predictions 2018/19

Hamish Venters
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Premier League Predictions 2018/19

With the Premier League season now fully underway, it’s high time predictions were made, bets placed and heated debates had. My top six is predictably made up of the familiar names, but perhaps not in the order you’d naturally think:

  1. Liverpool

Although I am no fan of Liverpool I cannot escape the fact that they were pretty good last year and will be even better this season. When at their best they can beat City, they have shored up the centre of midfield, and if their new signing, Alisson Becker from Roma, works well their goalkeeping issues will be solved too. They’ve spent big recently and I expect it to pay off.

  1. Manchester City

If they prove me wrong and win the league, I won’t be remotely surprised. However, recent history has proven that title defences are difficult and rarely successful. Moreover, their only major signing has been Mahrez, who plays in a position where they have an embarrassment of riches already, and who for my money does not influence games consistently enough. Whilst Guardiola is a good enough manager to ward off complacency, I think they are in danger of standing still as Liverpool improve.

  1. Tottenham Hotspur

At the time of writing they have made exactly no signings, which is about the level of ambition I’d expect from Spurs. Nonetheless the team they have at the moment is a talented one, and they are a safe bet for top-four this year. Spurs will likely not win a thing if they remain at their usual level of form and are unlikely to change this track record until they display something in the way of ambition.

  1. Chelsea

I should probably declare an interest and admit I am a Chelsea fan, so I’ve put them up here far more in hope than expectation. Chelsea are an unknown quantity this year, and having been mediocre at best last season, they’ve had an abysmal summer. The board’s dithering over Conte has left Sarri far too little time to implement his style of football, whilst Hazard and Courtois want out. Whilst not impossible, fourth would represent an exceptionally good return on a shambolic few months, which makes Chelsea sound depressingly similar to their north London neighbours.

  1. Manchester United

I’m really looking forward to watching them this year, because Mourinho’s third-season syndrome seems to be taking hold. He has been boorish and ill-tempered throughout a torrid pre-season, he’s alienating a dressing room which is tired of his bad moods and pretty soon the board will have had enough too. Signings have not been good enough to make up the difference with City, but the major problem they have is that José will self-destruct and get the sack. As a Chelsea fan, watching a Mourinho meltdown from the outside looking in is a rare occurrence. I will savour every moment.

  1. Arsenal

Say what you like about Arsene Wenger, but for a long time the squad he worked with at Arsenal wasn’t very good. It was very much his fault, but his squad was of poor quality and it remains of a similar standard under Unai Emery. Their new signings will offer little entertainment and I doubt that they will produce anything of note this season.

As for the bottom three sink sides, these three sides won’t be able to handle the pace and quality of England’s top flight this term, and I expect to see all of the below struggling as the season goes on:

  1. Southampton

They were pretty dreadful last year, making their survival look much harder than it actually should have been. Moreover, they’ve kept Mark Hughes as manager, which is frankly nothing short of a death sentence. I’m not expecting much.

  1. Crystal Palace

For the past four seasons they have performed survival heroics by bringing in a new manager halfway through the season, but this year I expect their luck to run out. As it stands they haven’t lost their star player, Wilfried Zaha, but it’s likely they will, and if they do it will surely be the blow which, at long last, sends them to their doom.

  1. Cardiff

Wolves’ relationship with Jorge Mendes has allowed them to build a team that will almost certainly be good enough to survive, whilst Fulham have spent big and, in my opinion, well. This makes Cardiff the most likely contenders to go down of the promoted teams, and their modest acquisitions this summer will not make their season any easier.

Women’s Super League:

Despite all the commotion over changes to the structures of women’s football (and who wouldn’t feel for poor Sunderland, having been relegated two divisions, after finishing a creditable seventh last season), I don’t think it will actually do very much to change outcomes at the top of the division. It will be a two-horse race between Manchester City and Chelsea, and I reckon Chelsea will come out on top, yet again. Until Manchester United are in the competition, this duopoly seems pretty safe. However, expect the Red Devils to make quick progress; Casey Stoney is an astute appointment as manager and the club are said to be investing as much as five million.

Exclusive: Oxford employed monk convicted of child sex abuse despite ban

Oscar Baker
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Exclusive: Oxford employed monk convicted of child sex abuse despite ban

This report contains a description of sexual assault.

The University of Oxford and St. Benet’s Hall employed a monk convicted of child sexual abuse for twelve years, despite a government ban on his working with younger undergraduates, Cherwell can exclusively report.

Father Bernard Green, a member of the Faculty of Theology, tutored at a total of seven Oxford colleges and PPHs between 2000 and 2012, as well as serving as a Director of Studies in Theology from 2004.

Green was banned in 1996 from teaching and working with “young persons under the age of 19” by the Department of Education (DfE). This followed his conviction in February 1996 on one count of indecent assault of a child under the age of 14 whilst at Ampleforth Abbey and College, which used to run University Permanent Private Hall, St. Benet’s.

The Benedictine monk, who died in 2013, was dismissed from all St. Benet’s roles in 2012, when a case review by bosses “revealed that he had been barred from teaching under 19s by the DfE,” according to last week’s report on Ampleforth by the Independent Inquiry into Child Sex Abuse (IICSA).

But Inquiry evidence, seen by Cherwell, also shows that the then Abbot of Ampleforth and former St. Benet’s Trust Chair, Father Cuthbert Madden, knew of the nature of Green’s ban as early as 2006. Father Bernard continued as a Tutor for another six years.

The outgoing Master of St. Benet’s Hall said “it is a matter of deep regret” that the Hall had “any part in what happened”. He said the St. Benet’s “of today is a very different place,” citing “fundamental changes in leadership and oversight that took place in 2012.”

Cherwell can also report that the University of Oxford too failed to realise Fr Bernard’s ban during a 2005 disciplinary investigation into the monk for harassment of a 19 year old male undergraduate. After having been found to have committed serious misconduct, Fr Bernard received a final written warning at the time.

Green began his work at Oxford in 2000 while still on the Sex Offenders Register. It is also revealed that University authorities found indecent images of children downloaded on his computer in a 2013 investigation.

A spokesperson for the University of Oxford told Cherwell the revelations of this “important report” were “deeply troubling,” and that it was “looking into the points raised.” It stressed that “the welfare of our students is an important priority.”

One source close to St. Benet’s told Cherwell: “I struggle to see why St. Benet’s acted in this way. It is a source of great pain that they seem to have put avoiding possible harm to the Ampleforth name ahead of the pastoral and welfare needs of students.”

Another source said: “This is a dark moment for Oxford University, it is a case of real negligence, turning a blind eye to a convicted abuser on multiple occasions.”

A member of Oxford University also told Cherwell: “The fact that the University did not dismiss Fr Bernard in 2005 after the incident (of harassment) is astounding.

“But what is more disturbing is that the University allowed a predator of this nature to work there in the first place, considering he was convicted in 1996. Added to this, the investigation was clearly not strong enough to root out that Father Bernard was actually banned [from working with young undergraduates] for the entirety of his [preceding] time at Oxford.”

This week’s report by the Independent Inquiry into Child Sex Abuse details years of sexual abuse at Ampleforth College, a Roman Catholic public boarding school run by the English Benedictine Congregation.

In November 1995, Fr Bernard abused a 13-year old pupil at the Yorkshire school, known only as RC-A97. He entered a boys’ dormitory where the pupil was sleeping and “fondled his genitals.”

Pleading guilty in February 1996, Fr Bernard was sentenced to two years’ probation, compelled to attend a sex offenders treatment programme, and registered on the Sex Offenders Register for five years to 2001.

A Department for Education letter in August 1996 established that “on the grounds of misconduct Bernard Green should not be appointed or employed…as a teacher or worker with children or young persons.” Such a “worker with children or young persons” is, the letter reads, a person “whose employment brings him regularly into contact with persons who have not achieved the age of 19 years.”

A 2006 email between Fr Cuthbert Madden, then Abbot of Ampleforth and current St. Benet’s Trust chair, and monastery lawyer Andrew Dawson, shows St. Benet’s knew of the nature of Father Bernard’s ban six years before he was dismissed.

Dated May 20 2006, Fr Cuthbert writes to Dawson: “You will recall that we discussed Fr Bernard with Barry Honeysett and he said that he should not have contact with anyone under the age of 18.

“You can imagine my surprise, then, when I found a letter (this week) from the Department of Education and a Employment, dated 1 August 1996, which reads: …the Secretary of State…has directed…that on the grounds of misconduct Bernard Green should not be appointed or employed…as a teacher or worker with children or young persons.”

Fr Cuthbert adds to lawyer Dawson: “You will be aware that Father Bernard has been working at St. Benet’s Hall for some years now. How does that sit with this letter?”

He notes in the email: “There has never been any question raised about this being illegal/not permitted but the university is starting to tighten up its regulations and are even doing comprehensive CRB checks – I am amazed that they have not already done so…”

During December 2017 hearings at the Inquiry, Fr Cuthbert told panel members of his 2006 discovery: “That was a surprise to me. I hadn’t realised that. Age 19, some people going to university are still aged 18 and not 19.”

He added that it was decided to make “arrangements to be absolutely sure that he had no contact with people under the age of 19.”

Fr Cuthbert also noted at that then St. Benet’s Master, the Very Rev Fr Leo Chamberlain, “made some kind of risk assessment, if memory serves correctly…”

Father Leo was headmaster at Ampleforth at the time of Fr Bernard’s sexual assault on the 13 year old pupil in 1995, reporting this abuse to statutory authorities at the time.

One source has questioned how, given his previous responsibilities at Ampleforth, Fr Leo could not have immediately known about the nature of Fr Bernard’s ban when he became St. Benet’s Master in 2004.

They told Cherwell: “Fr Leo seems to have chosen convenience over right…While we do not know what his motivation was, given the incident in 2005 (the harassment case) it beggars belief that he did not either insist on Green leaving or resign in protest.”

Asked whether he initially knew of the 19-year-old provision to Fr Bernard’s ban, Father Leo told Cherwell: “No I did not know that, nor did the Abbot at that stage. It was in the paperwork, but he hadn’t found it. When he did find it, he acted, no dark plots. It is a serious matter, which we take seriously.”

Fr Leo also told Cherwell: “The IISCA hearing makes it clear that the under 19 provision came to light after Abbot Cuthbert’s election, so must have been 2005-2007.

“Once the provision was known, I would then have had to check that the ages of undergraduates tutored by Fr Bernard were not under 19.”

It was another six years after 2006 before Fr Bernard was dismissed from his roles at Oxford following a new review of his case and ban. This was triggered by the fact St. Benet’s was then run by an educational trust that also ran a school a hundred miles from Oxford.

In August 2016, Fr Cuthbert Madden himself temporarily stood aside as Abbot of Ampleforth. He was interviewed under caution by North Yorkshire police, who were investigating complaints by four former pupils of indecent assaults in the early 1990s.

A spokesperson for Ampleforth, speaking on behalf of Father Cuthbert, told Cherwell: “As I’m sure you’ll know, in line with civil and ecclesiastical protocols, Fr Cuthbert Madden OSB has temporarily stepped aside from his responsibilities as Abbot of Ampleforth while appropriate Church protocols are being carried out relating to unfounded allegations concerning historical events.

“He will not resume his duties at Ampleforth until these are completed, so it would not be appropriate for him to comment on your questions at this time.”

In a statement to Cherwell, the outgoing master of St. Benet’s Hall, Professor Werner Jeanrond said: “It is a matter of deep regret that the Hall had any part in what happened in those years, a period which predates the fundamental changes in leadership and oversight that took place in 2012.

“The St Benet’s of today is a very different place. It is run by a separate Trust and far-reaching changes have been made to its governance, operating procedures, oversight arrangements, and to the make up of its staff and student community. While these cannot expunge the past and its failings, they do give us confidence for the future.”

The 2005 University disciplinary panel was convened to investigate Father Bernard following an accusation that he harassed a 19 year old male undergraduate at a 2005 JCR picnic on Port Meadow, while serving as St. Benet’s Director of Studies in Theology. The complete conclusions of this panel were kept confidential at the time, but Fr Bernard was given a final written warning.

According to the Independent Inquiry, the Panel, led by Magdalen Law Fellow Dr Katharine Grevling, concluded that it “did not interpret [Father Bernard’s] touching as a sexually-motivated contact and whilst very concerned at the verbal comments, accepted [Bernard’s] explanation for making them.”

Speaking of this 2005 University disciplinary panel, Fr Leo told Cherwell: “My view, following this, was that St. Benet’s was a small place, Bernard a priest and not just a tutor, and that the situation would be unworkable.

“So I asked for his withdrawal. Abbot Cuthbert, newly elected, chose to stay with the panel recommendations.”

Fr Bernard Green tutored at colleges including Keble, Trinity, Worcester, St John’s, and Corpus Christi as well as St. Benet’s. He was a member of the University Theology faculty, a Joint Chairman of Graduate Seminar in Patristics and, from 2004, Director and Acting Director of Studies in Theology at Benet’s and Christ Church (between 2004 and 2005) respectively.

A spokesperson for the University of Oxford told Cherwell: “The revelations of this important report are deeply troubling and we are looking into the points raised by it.

“The welfare of our students is an important priority for the University and we regularly review our safeguarding code of practice and pre-employment screening guidance.”

This article was corrected 13/08/18 to reflect the fact Fr Cuthbert Madden has not been St. Benet’s Trust chair since he stepped aside in August 2016. This position is currently held by Sir Ralph Waller.

Oxford City Council proposes renaming St Clement’s ward

Isabel Morris
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Oxford City Council proposes renaming St Clement’s ward

Oxford City Council has proposed changing the name of St Clement’s ward to Bannister in memory of Sir Roger Bannister, an Oxford athlete and former Master of Pembroke College who passed away in March.

The proposal comes as part of the council’s review of city wards, which began last November.

Source: The Local Government Boundary Commission for England

The ward in question – which is surrounded by the wards Holywell, Churchill, and Bartlemas – includes the Iffley Road running track, where Bannister became the first person to run a mile in under four minutes in 1954.

After winning a gold medal at the 1954 Commonwealth Games, Bannister went on to become a leading neurologist and served as Master of Pembroke College between 1985 and 1993. He was knighted for his services to sport in 1975.

Bannister was also conferred the Oxford Freedom of the City in 2004 and is an Honorary Fellow of both Exeter and Merton Colleges.

Councillor for St Mary’s ward and Green Party member Craig Simmons proposed the name change as a way of honouring Bannister. His party’s original proposal to the Council and Boundary Commission was to rename the extended St Mary’s ward, but the Labour-run Council made a counter proposal which instead applies the Bannister name to a re-shaped St Clement’s ward.

Simmons told Cherwell: “I had the great pleasure of meeting Sir Roger Bannister on a number of occasions and, following his death earlier this year, it felt right to further honour his contribution to the City of Oxford.

“The opportunity came when the City was asked to by the Boundary Commission to review its ward boundaries. The area currently known as St. Mary’s Ward, which I represent along with Councillor Dick Wolff, includes the north edge of the running track on Iffley Road. It needed to grow slightly to accommodate demographic changes – and it seemed obvious that the streets to the east of the running track should be included.

“This expanded ward needed a new name and, as it wraps around the running track with Bannister Close at its heart, it seemed an obvious choice to name it after Sir Roger.

“Of course, as an eminent neurologist, his contributions to modern medicine extended well beyond his relatively brief time as an athlete and I hope that this small contribution to his memory is seen within this wider context.”

Simmons added that there was a “good chance” the ward would be renamed. However, he worried that renaming St Clement’s as opposed to St Mary’s made less sense geographically and community-wise because people in St Mary’s associate much more with Iffley Road, their main route into Oxford.

Council leader Sarah Brown confirmed that the name of St Clement’s Street (A420) would not change as part of the new plans.

She added: “It’s a really important tribute to a lovely, lovely man who deserves the honour.

“I suspect lots of people in the city don’t know which wards they live in, but we try to reflect, with the ward names we choose, the local area in some way.

“I hope he would understand this is a small way the city can honour that connection with him and it seems entirely appropriate considering this area includes the track in which he made that absolutely astonishing historic achievement.”

Five Women Wearing the Same Dress Review – ‘an unusual choice for the Fringe’

Ela Portnoy
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Five Women Wearing the Same Dress Review – ‘an unusual choice for the Fringe’

A play of bitching, bragging and bawling, Five Women Wearing the Same Dress is the story of five bridesmaids at a wedding. As the piece progresses, the women uncover secrets, treacheries and lies in a psychological mishmash of strong emotions.

This was an unusual choice for the Edinburgh Fringe. It was the first show I have seen at the Fringe that is over one hour long, and the only show I have seen with a programme longer than a single sheet of paper. It also took more than five minutes to clear the stage (which is quite the luxury!) due to the large and detailed set.

For a play of such length and ambition, the actors engaged the audience well. The dynamics between the women was absorbing; I got the sense that all the cast were good friends and were all on the same level as actors. The play had enjoyable dynamic contrasts – alliances shifted, friendships were formed and broken, and the general flow was good.

Interestingly, none of the characters were straightforwardly likeable except for Lucia Proctor-Bonbright’s Mindy, who I found to be the only easily relatable character. In addition to a believable accent, her characterisation was bubbly, sincere and sustained. Other stand-out performances came from Lucy McIlgorm and Pheobe Mallinson.

While the relationships between the women were evocative, the story was hard to follow. I did not get a sense of a clear plot, and much of the dialogue seemed to just be gossip between the women. Besides this lack of forward motion, the overall atmosphere of the production was cohesive. The set was elaborate and ambitious for a Fringe production, but suited the play and had impressive attention to detail. However, the costumes appeared cheap and ill-made, even if they fit well with the general aesthetic.

Overall, despite a length incongruous to the Edinburgh Fringe and an unclear story-line, the acting in this particular ex-Oxford production is its strongest asset.

Reflections of a soon-to-be finalist

Maxim Parr-Reid
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Reflections of a soon-to-be finalist

I’ll tell you something, just reading the words ‘soon-to-be finalist’ is enough to stop my mindless scrolling through Facebook dead in its tracks, partly because I read it as ‘soon-to-be unemployed’ almost by default!

Looking back, my second year couldn’t have been lazier if I tried. There’s something thrilling about being 5 VKs in at Park End and seeing your future slip away into a cloud of mist and strobe lighting. Still, second year was a joy! It was perfectly balanced, if by balanced you mean a beer in each hand. I suppose that is the privilege of an exam free year, and I shall just have to hope that the wood panelling muffles my tears of desperation as this lifestyle becomes just a faint memory and finals draw ever closer.

My final year certainly won’t be like second year, where days (and nights) slipped by in comfy routine of binge-drinking and sleeping off hangovers until midday, and where only a handful of essays (much to the chagrin of my tutors) got even a 2.1. Time to be ‘practical’, time to be ‘efficient’: both concepts I have heard of, but have yet to become fully acquainted with at Oxford. Most worryingly, I won’t be able to live off student finance after my finals, which is beginning to make me think: maybe postgrad isn’t such a bad idea after all…

Most finalists take a workaholic strategy and you have to hand it to them, it pays dividends. Staring up from my 2.2s on OxCort, I reminded myself that this university is home to so much talent: geniuses, future world leaders, the best minds in the country. Under such circumstances, it seems implausible that I actually did reasonably okay in first year. But 18 hours of exams now stand between me and escape and finals are a very different beast. If anybody needs me, you’ll find me popping a chain drinking cups of coffee to maintain my sanity as I begin to read over the seemingly infinite pile of notes I’ve managed to keep hold of.

However, it’s easy to forget these exams are still nine months away. There are still a plenty of good club nights to go to at Bully and I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t be making the odd appearance in Cellar between now and then. It would be nice to have a life, for the first term at least.

One way or another I will get through to the end of my final year, but my prediction is that the journey will be far less relaxed than I have become used to. This being said, I can’t wait for another year to begin and to bring with it a new set of challenges and opportunities. And fingers crossed I’ll even come out of the whole thing with a decent degree.

Ant-Man and the Wasp review – the best comedies come in the smallest packages

Jonnie Barrow
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Ant-Man and the Wasp review – the best comedies come in the smallest packages

The Marvel Cinematic Universe has had a pretty banner year so far. Between the instant “cultural landmark” status of Black Panther and the phenomenal fan reaction to Infinity War, the financial and critical response to their films may never have been better. But the ever-increasing scale of their films threatens to get exhausting. We need to scale things back down with something lighthearted…preferably a film involving Paul Rudd on maximum charm offensive, Michael Douglas using “quantum” as an arbitrary prefix enough times to create a drinking game, and Evangeline Lily being as fierce as she is fiercely likeable. We definitely a film that can somehow involve a giant ant playing a rocking drum solo. We need Ant-Man and the Wasp.

Marvel has cannily positioned the Ant-Man franchise as the ultimate palate-cleanser after their more apocalyptically dark entries, as the first one chased the tail of Avengers: Age of Ultron. But there are some key differences this time around: firstly, the state of the wider Marvel universe has never been bleaker, which threatens to make this latest entry a tad disposable by comparison. Secondly, the first Ant-Man had significant upheaval behind-the-scenes, as director Peyton Reed was hired extremely late in the day to replace Edgar Wright and work with a cohort of new writers to revise what Wright had planned. This sequel represents Reed’s first opportunity to craft an Ant-Man tale from the ground up.

The most significant change is how much looser this is than the original in just about every sense. The basic premise is pretty straightforward: the story picks up two years after Scott Lang (Rudd) got busted for helping Captain America punch some airplanes in Civil War, and follows Scott’s efforts to help Hope (Evangeline Lily) and Hank Pym (Michael Douglas) recover Michelle Pfeiffer from the quantum realm – efforts that threaten to be thwarted by Ghost (Hannah-John Kamen), a mysterious hooded figure with some tricksy matter-phasing abilities.

But where the original was a tightly plotted heist movie that merely appeared loose and fun thanks to the affability of Rudd and his co-stars (especially the inimitable Michael Peña), Ant-Man and the Wasp is pretty ramshackle in its screenplay construction. There are two sets of villains for no other reason than to give our heroes more people to kick in the face, and a lot of the plot revolves around chasing after an object, recovering the object, losing the object and chasing after it again. Audiences with a low tolerance for meaningless technobabble may also struggle with a lot of the unnecessarily complicated dialogue.

But you’d be forgiven for not noticing any of that because it’s easy to get caught up in the charm of the stars, the steady stream of good jokes and the inventive uses of shrinking and growing tech for action-comedy purposes. Avoid the trailers if you can, because I’m not sure there’s a single instance of fun shrinky/growy stuff that hasn’t made it into the promotional material, but it’s all sufficiently engaging and inventive in context – especially during a stand-out car-chase through the streets of San Francisco.

The bottom line is this: if you liked the first Ant-Man film, you will enjoy this continuation. Even if you don’t enjoy the other Marvel films, it’s a solid comedy that functions well as a straightforward follow-up to the original, confining all of the MCU-building to the post-credits scenes. If you leave as soon as the credits start then you’ll have enjoyed a fun, lighthearted romp that can absolutely be enjoyed in (relative) isolation. And if you stay, well…don’t say I didn’t warn you.

First Year

Alice Blinkhorn
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First Year

In the final week of my first year at Oxford, I volunteered to give a group of year 10 students a tour of my college. They were keen, engaged and curious. We covered the basics first: what is the social life like, what is your timetable like, how does the college system work? Towards the end of the session, one of the students asked me: ‘What are the bad things about Oxford?’

The question took me by surprise. When giving tours and answering admissions queries, one tends to focus on the positives. ‘It’s difficult for me to say,’ I replied weakly. ‘I’ve had a great first year,’ was the best I could come up with on the spot.

I thought about it afterwards. I had had a great first year; that was not mere lip service. I had attacked Oxford with the voracity of a captive animal suddenly released, and my first year was characterised by its variety.

Rowing might be a popular target for jokes and jibes among students, but the opportunity to learn to row, for free – in a real boat! with a real coach! – is not one that I would ever have had at home. I had acted, too, in both an Ancient Greek comedy and a modern dystopia. I was involved in all kinds of voluntary projects. I went to concerts and discussions and film screenings and lectures that I saw advertised. I even played croquet. I started learning Hebrew for no reason at all, except that I thought it would be interesting. I had met the most incredible group of people – from all kinds of backgrounds, from all over the country, from all over the world. I had been astonished to find out that Oxford was so much fun, and I revelled in the fact that I seemed to fit in, like I had never fitted in anywhere else.

And then there was the work. Fortunately, it was never a chore for me: I genuinely adore my subject. The phrase ‘challenging but rewarding’ has never been so apt. It was a steep learning curve, but I loved the pace, the constantly renewed challenges, and seeing myself improve week on week. The more I learned, the more I wanted to learn. Waking late on a Sunday morning, enjoying a generous college brunch, and working through the day in one of Oxford’s many quaint coffee shops became my routine.

I am aware that this is not a universal experience. There are, of course, bad things about Oxford. It’s an expensive place to live, college life can be isolating, and the intensity of the short terms can be exhausting. I have seen people pushed to breaking point. Sometimes the leaden weights of prestige and expectation can feel more like burdens than a stepping stones. The beautiful buildings are not always sufficient to annul the stress and the fatigue that can hit at any time. Learning how to navigate those feelings is tricky, and the Oxford experience can feel overwhelming. However, I have been positively surprised by the support system in place. It is an infallibly accepting community. Everyone knows that Oxford is demanding, and – at least at my college – there is an expansive network of people who are eager to support you in any way that they can.

I fell hard for Oxford: the city and the University. It is difficult to focus on the negative aspects of Oxford life, because for me, the University continues to represent a land of opportunity. Oxford is variety, diversity, tradition and change. For me, it’s a lifeline: Oxford is the antidote to my relentlessly mediocre hometown. From matriculation to trashing, my excitement has only grown.

Review: Hive Mind by The Internet

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Review: Hive Mind by The Internet

Favourite Tracks: Come Together, La Di Da, Mood, Next Time/Humble Pie, It Gets Better (With Time)

Rating: 6.5/10

The Internet is a band that straddles the alternative hip-hop world of their Odd Future origins and a host of influences from the LA jazz scene, classic R&B and the recent neo-soul resurgence. Hive Mind signals the end of the band’s curiously-timed hiatus at the peak of their success following a Grammy nomination from their breakthrough 2015 record, Ego Death, in order for members to pursue various solo projects (such as the psychedelic synth-heavy The Drum Chord Theory and Christopher A. Smith’s brilliantly weird Loud).

This record – their fourth so far – is a welcome return to form for The Internet. It is a real feature for the band itself with its only guest appearance being a verse from Atlanta native Big Rube. This is in stark comparison to Ego Death’s feature-heavy tracklist which included Janelle Monáe, KAYTRANADA, Vic Mensa, and Tyler, The Creator.

Hive Mind opens with the aptly-named ‘Come Together’. The brilliantly-groovy intro sets the pace for the rest of the project. A fast two-bar samba bass line, complete with handclaps and a taste of Moonchild’s Andris Mattson’s flugelhorn introduce the track before the texture suddenly drops into the half-time neo-soul groove that the band is known for. Throughout the track, Matt Martians’ deep vibrato synths provide a retro aesthetic to the otherwise very contemporary music.

‘Roll (Burbank Funk)’, the album’s main single, is a disco tune at its core. The looped drums and bassline give a club-friendly backing to Steve Lacy and Syd’s ambient, delay-heavy vocals, and Martians’ spacey Rhodes chords. ‘Come Over’ utilises a similar texture of looped drums, but with a live bass track which gives vitality to a perhaps otherwise forgettable track. The production is, however, brilliantly creative. For instance, one of the snare samples sounds like Matt Martians is chopping carrots, and the mellotron choir during the chorus is exactly what is needed to pad out the sound. A bizarre skit in the final quarter of the track introduces a short groove, clearly in the style of Thundercat, whose influence overflows into the next track, ‘La Di Da’, where Thundercat’s signature sound has informed  Lacy’s guitar production. This track has to be one of the best on the album. With an excellent laid-back Latin groove throughout, the breakdown feels almost like a salsa mambo – except for Lacy’s Backstreet Boys-style spoken address to the ‘ladies’ which brings it back to R&B.

‘Stay the Night’ is the first downtempo track on the record, underscored by a light cross-rhythmic texture between the half-time 3+3+2 guitar accents and the 4×4 drums and vocals. Here, the two guitar solos (though excellent) feel unnecessary structurally, and take away from the overall mood of the song. Perhaps a deviation from the eight-bar loop at some point would have been a better way to keep the track interesting, but overall it is a nice contrast in terms of the album as a whole.

‘Bravo’ is another slower track, but here there is a clearer groove provided by the wonky programmed drums and yet another delicious Patrick Paige II bassline, mixed brilliantly by studio legend Jimmy Douglass AKA ‘The Senator.’ There are even what seem to be sleigh bells deep in the mix. Why? Well, why not? This is The Internet, where vibe and coolness are primary. ‘Let me get you in the right mood’, sings Syd in the next track, ‘Mood’. Featuring a return of the Mellotron choir, Moonchild horns, muted bass, and modulated guitar, this is one of the strongest tracks on the album.

‘Next Time / Humble Pie’ is a diptych which marks the halfway point of the album. Each half serves to highlight the different styles of the primary instrumentalists Steve Lacy and Matt Martians respectively. ‘Next Time’ is an up-tempo modern classic R&B love song, with a looped foundation and strummed guitar chords and stops. Humble Pie is a rewarding, psychedelic and spacey compliment to this. With long-form syncopations a la ‘Stay the Night’ and retro string samples punctuated by a low key drum loop made up of hi-hats (panned left) and an up-pitched snare (panned right). The panning serves to avoid giving the song too much of a groove-focus with the spacey synth textures ad effected vocals at the centre.

The second half of the album opens with the smooth ‘It Gets Better (With Time)’. As well as featuring the Big Rube verse, this is the first time we hear bassist Patrick Paige II drop some spoken-word style rap halfway through. The heavy 4×4 kick of the next track, ‘Look What U Started’, rather than giving it a heavy overall vibe is in something of a conflict with the sparsely textured verses (often just bass and vocals). By the chorus, this is resolved as Matrians’ keys and Lacy’s guitar balance out the texture, creating one of the most readily danceable tracks on the record (despite its slow tempo). Nevertheless, this track still seems to leave something more to be desired.

‘Wanna Be’ is a welcome contrast for the final part of the album. The tightly swung groove and catchy Erykah Badu-esque vocals give this an undeniable classic neo-soul sound with a retro vibe. There is even a Motown 4×4 snare in the chorus! ‘The Beat Goes On’, a testament to the track’s own rhythmic persistence as well as the emotionless trudging forward of time, is another two-part track. The first half is defined by Christopher Smith’s semiquaver hi-hats with Lacy returning on lead vocals. The second half is a lively 150-bpm breakbeat-heavy contrast with a repetitive hook based on the same idea, and is very different to much of the rest of the album.

The album ends with its longest track, ‘Hold On’: a standard neo-soul tune with plenty of synthy textures and punctuations, as well as a notably reverbed plucked guitar line. Speaking of reverb, the drums are given a lovely extra punch with some sort of gated reverbed effect on the kick and snare. This is the final track to include Moonchild’s Max Bryk (saxes) and Andris Mattson (trumpet) which add a brilliant extra layer to an already top-drawer album-closer, despite its questionable length.

All in all, Hive Mind is a great returning statement from the Internet. The focus on the soul sound and rejection of the hip-hop style they were first known for was a risk. Consequently, they are obviously less comfortable in this new mode, and many tracks appear rather formulaic and tiresome when listened to in the wrong context. Ego Death remains their best project yet, mostly due to standout singles like ‘Girl’ which KAYTRANADA’s superior production does wonders for. Nonetheless, it is a solid effort and worth a listen, even if only until their next record comes out.

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