Thursday 9th July 2026
Blog Page 1136

In defence of online nudity

0

When Snapchat first emerged, it prompted some mixed responses. “Why ever,” I heard a friend’s mother ask, “would someone want to send a photo that deletes after ten seconds?” However, to us, the accursed porn generation, the answer seemed obvious. In reality, you are unlikely to receive anything more titillating (excuse the pun), than a friend’s odd attempt to “face swap” with someone’s breast. (Disclaimer: it’s not that effective). At the other end of the spectrum, self-published nudes are occupying the more permanent areas of the cyber world, such as Instagram and Twitter. My first response would be positive. Finally, the world is getting over the fact that under our clothes everyone is naked. Unfortunately, this response is too optimistic.

Kim Kardashian’s nude Instagram selfie is no longer news but the public response it garnered remains newsworthy. As Bette Midler tweeted, “If Kim wants us to see a part of her we’ve never seen, she’s gonna have to swallow the camera”. And, there we have it: Kim’s notorious sex tape that resurfaces anytime she disappoints her public. She is in good company: Paris Hilton’s sex tape was infamously leaked in 2004, Pamela Anderson’s in 1998 and 2005, and many reading this will have seen Jennifer Lawrence’s hacked nudes. However, this is a gendered battlefield.How many of you know about Colin Farrell’s leaked sex tape with Playboy model Nicola Narain? Knowing this probably won’t affect your enjoyment of “In Bruges” and I am yet to hear it mentioned in interviews. But, I hear you cryKim Kardashian and Paris Hilton have no talent. No wonder people only care about their sex lives. Well, regardless of what you think of them as individuals, financially speaking, they are two of the most successful entrepreneurs alive today. Yet as soon as Kim uploads a (censored) nude to her own Instagram account, the Internet is awash, yet again, with angry keyboard warriors, desperate to reduce her to a sex tape released over a decade ago. Why?

“All women, not just the Kim Kardashians and Paris Hiltons of the world, are at risk of having their perceived sexuality used against them”

It seems people are angry that Kim got naked for the “wrong” reasons. It wasn’t to further women’s suffrage, it wasn’t for charity or to raise awareness for an important cause. Crucially, it also wasn’t anything we hadn’t seen before. With people outraged at the prospect that this image was a mere publicity stunt, I am personally more concerned by the fact that Kim’s $75,000 diamond earring could also have been dropped in the ocean as a publicity stunt, when instead it could have been donated to a charity. But no, that’s just the Kardashians being the Kardashians. It’s fine to share that video on Facebook and laugh at it. Sharing some post-childbirth body positivity, however, is not to be tolerated.

You don’t need this article to realize that women’s sexuality is often used to delegitimize them. Only a few weeks ago, journalists were clamouring for the punchiest headline to describe Theresa May’s neckline at what has come to be described as the “busty budget” announcement. Hey, it’s not like anything else mildly life changing came out of that meeting, right? For better or worse, Theresa May is the most senior woman in British politics. That she occupies a woman-shaped form should not be seen as a legitimate means of robbing her of professionalism. Such reporting proves how all women, not just the Kim Kardashians and Paris Hiltons of the world, are at risk of having their perceived sexuality used against them.

“We all know that ‘sex sells’ but surely it would be more honest to say ‘sex is sold'”

Much of the online responses were framed as disappointment at Kim “prostituting herself”. Not only is this hugely telling of society’s blinkered views on sex work but it also reveals our discomfort at female sexual agency. The problem is not that Kim is being sold, but that she is selling herself. The sex industry is not without fault but I do not think that the world’s oldest profession is inherently flawed. The issues are underhand dealings, the abuse of power and exploitation of people, not the transaction itself. Plus, let’s not pretend that those decrying Kim’s alleged prostitution are concerned about the nasty side effects of sex work. Not at all.They are offended by something far worse, that is female control over her body.

To “prostitute herself” implies, rightly, that Kim has agency. As voyeurs of a family who are prepared to air even the most intimate and distressing moments on international television, is it really so disturbing that Kim is prepared to use her naked body for publicity? If so, then you should probably reassess your understanding of reality television. We all know that “sex sells” but surely it would be more honest to say “sex is sold”. This example is just one instance of one woman selling her own sexuality amidst a sea of women whose sexuality is being sold for them by someone more powerful or, dare I say it, more masculine.

So, let’s not kid ourselves that the problem is the nudity or the selling of sex. Nowadays, you can’t even catch a bus or turn on the TV without being confronted by adverts depicting naked women draped over car bonnets, or hearing the satisfied moaning of a female Herbal Essences shopper mid-shower. We are bombarded with naked, sexualised female bodies every single day: the only difference in this case seems to be female control. People complain that Kim’s selfie is photoshopped. Don’t like being deceived? Well, where exactly do you imagine Nicole Scherzinger finds those orgasm-inducing Müller yoghurts? Your discomfort is not at the hyper-sexualisation, the beauty ideals, or the nudity. That is something to which you are most likely anaesthetized, thanks to our advertising industry. Instead, you are squirming in your seat at the prospect of a woman who is willing to commodify herself and reap the benefits from such a decision. You are witnessing the fact that sex sells, your discomfort is caused merely by the fact that, here it’s being sold willingly and by its owner.

Purges and politics in cyberspace

0

It seems a commonly held view that the principles of free speech and open discussion now flourish only on the internet. Of late all has not been well in this cyberspace land of supposedly unrestricted expression. Open Oxford, the original Facebook group founded with these ideals in mind, has been racked by internal strife, culminating in a series of controversies last Thursday and Friday. Jacob Williams, of No Offence notoriety, removed a selection of prolific posters from the group, a move which many saw as a contravention of the very principles the group was set up to defend.

We asked those invested in the issue their views and, in the spirit of the free debates they all hold dear, there was little agreement to be found.

What is Open Oxford? In the words of its current administrators, Williams, Ash MQ and Alex McGann the group was “established as a forum for the free discussion of ideas, in response to what we felt was a university environment increasingly hostile to the expression of thought that didn’t conform to certain viewpoints.” Regular user Harry Walton described it as emerging in “reaction to the perceived view that Oxford University was limiting itself to certain ideas and that the boundaries of discourse were being made increasingly narrow due to the actions of a particular student sect which said that certain ideas should not be able to be put forward due to their perceived damage.” Eleanor Sharman, administrator of splinter groups Open Rebellion and Openest Oxford, told us that the importance of these forums of discussion lay in the “free exchange of ideas, openness to new arguments and the pursuit of Truth.”

These similar starting points were not enough to avoid fracture. It seems that a universal commitment to free speech is not a precursor to universal agreement on the topic of ‘shitposting’. ‘Shitposting’ according to the Open Oxford administrators Ash MQ & co involves “a small coterie of members posting in-jokes, diary entries, and pictures of excrement’ which meant that “discussions were derailed, serious threads became lost amongst the nonsense, and most of the group’s over 4000 members were put off ever getting involved.”

It was in response to the scourge of ‘shitposting’ that Thursday’s bans were implemented. The Open Oxford admins have defended their actions, stating, “as of the time of writing no-one has been permanently banned from the group for shitposting. But now modest rule-changes have been made, such that chronic shitposters can be removed at the admins’ discretion after the issuance of a formal warning. Of course there will be some degree of arbitrariness involved in the enforcement of these rules, but this is impossible to avoid – and regardless, we think it is better than having no such rules at all.”

However, Walton interpreted the phenomenon differently saying that “friendly banter, a much maligned phrase, was common and people had fun. A lot of this fun was described as shitposting where jokes that people had established were posted.” Rather than pictures of excrement for Walton supposed ‘shitposting’ actually orientated around the presentation of ideas, he gave the example of smearing, “a joke word that came about due to someone posting someone else’s comments elsewhere on the board to remind them of the views that they put forward earlier.”

It is fair to say that the Open Oxford admins’ call for members to “support the rule changes” if they “share our desire for a space within the university for meaningful, free discussion of ideas” has not been enough to patch up the controversy and save the group’s reputation. In fact many see the initial bans and the rule changes that followed as fundamentally undermining the group, leaving it lacking credibility as a free forum for discussion. Walton argued that “what the recent bans have done… is to copy what made Open Oxford a necessity. The boundaries of discourse have been narrowed down again through the policing of the style in which one puts forward one’s ideas.” Open Oxford was set up, in part, as a response to the heavy handed admin action on other groups; many now feel it has irrevocably gone their way. Sharman said that although she did not speak on behalf of the groups she moderates, her personal view was that ‘the Purge’, as the removals from the group have become affectionately called, was “the worst thing since Stalin” and that she thought the admins should resign.

The groups Sharman moderates, Openest Oxford and Open Rebellion, have seen a growth in members in response to this furore. The admins of Original Open Oxford (as it is now referred to) use these groups as an example of why they see their new rules as so vital, saying “one look at any of the small rival groups set up in response to recent events demonstrates exactly the type of forum it is imperative to prevent Open Oxford becoming.”

Funnily enough not everyone agrees. Walton thinks Open Oxford have alienated many original posters leading to an exodus to other groups “because people feel like they’ve lost a place where they could genuinely communicate with one another without the boundaries of discourse closing in on them.” According to Sharma “Original Open Oxford is faltering somewhat, owing to the fact that all its best, most active members have fucked off to Openest Oxford. Discussion is foundering in Original Open Oxford.” Unsurprisingly, she says she’s not unduly distressed about this. In fact her, and the newly established Openest Oxford community, have taken action, recently set up a Kickstarter page to fund a ‘zine, the amusingly titled ‘The Shitposting Forecast’. The self-stated aim of the publication is to show “that ‘shitposting’ is an arbitrary and stupid designation – and to show how much ingenuity, creativity, and nuance is required to succeed at what others write off as ‘nonsense’.” The Kickstarter page, at the time of writing, had exceeded its £300 target by £189.

It remains to be seen whether the original Open Oxford will weather the storm. Its troubles are not unique, similar difficulties have befallen other monolithic Facebook communities. The question is raised as to whether all groups that reach a certain size inevitably collapse in on themselves, their original purpose drowned in a sea of off-topic memes.

Should music be used for political ends?

0

It appears to be the hip thing to do at the moment; to ‘do’ Cuba. After Pope Francis’ visit less than six months ago and Obama’s this same week, the Rolling Stones are the third in a fine line of notable visitors to the country. The British offering, if you will.

But there is a very big difference between the Rolling Stones and the other two visitors. Obama’s visit was indicative of a thawing of relations between two ideologically opposed countries. Meanwhile the appearance of the Pope is indicative of the re-emergence of Roman Catholicism which was long suppressed by the Communist regime. The old Catholics came out of the woodwork for the Pope’s visit in September, and even Raul Castro admitted he was so impressed by him that he was debating returning to the church. It is obvious, then, that these two visits were of paramount socio-political importance.

The Stones’ visit, however, put simply, should not be. They aren’t the leaders of the world’s most powerful religion or the world’s most powerful country. They’re just the ‘World’s Greatest Rock and Roll Band’. This is the band that have 11 arrests between them. This is the band who got a song about heroin, slavery, S&M and oral sex to number one in 1971 (‘Brown Sugar’, in case you’re wondering). They burnt down Playboy Mansion, threatened to stab Donald Trump, hosted a free concert where four people died and four people were born… the list goes on.

Some expected the band to comment on the situation in Cuba – the lack of basic resources for the general population, the poor state of the hospitals and infrastructure and the continued violations of civil liberties. The opportunity was definitely there to make a statement. The question remains as to whether or not the Stones should have felt obliged to comment on such issues. To my mind, such politicisation is beyond the remit of the band. Only twice in their lengthy oeuvre do they support any clear political view. Why should they have had to start now? It would seem slightly odd for this famously debauched bunch of Bacchanalian revellers to start pontificating and preaching to the Cuban people about the need to change the political system.

Fundamentally, they are different from the Pope and the US President. They were there in Cuba to entertain. Indeed, the very fact that they put the concert on for free (knowing the population could not afford a Stones’ ticket under normal circumstances) made a statement larger than any they could have verbalised – that they wanted as many people as possible to be able to enjoy their music. Leave the politics to the world leaders – leave the rock and roll to the Rolling Stones.

OO admins apologise for “Purge”

0
Following the changes that have been made in discussion rules for the Open Oxford group supporting free speech on Facebook, admin Ash MQ published an apology on behalf of the entire team. Members of the group had been banned from the conversation without prior warning for posting messages considered unrelated, leading to protests and the creation of Oxford Rebellion in response to what some called the “purge.”

Declaring they “reserve the right to remove posts and ban members for abusive and off-topic posts”, the three admins of the group, Alex McGann, Jacob Williams and Ash MQ announced the new set of rules they had agreed on in the afternoon of April 1. This change has failed to satisfy the members of the group, despite Jacob Williams evoking the fact that the decision of banning a user would be “somewhat arbitrary” but entirely normal in order for the discussion to function.

A message of apologies has been posted by Ash MQ, in which the admins states that the team is sorry for the unexpected series of bans. According to Ash MQ, this happened before the whole team decided to change the rules and the admins now agree to say that such rapid action was necessary but should have been preceded by “formal warnings”.

In his post, Ash MQ wrote, “Shitposting is definitely a problem, and so I am fully behind the changes to the guidelines — but the bannings should not have happened until after we instated the new guidelines, and only after we had issued formal warnings to the culprits.”

Ash MQ told Cherwell, “The modest rule changes are definitely a good thing.

“I just don’t support the fact the rule changes were enforced before the rule changes were announced (which happened without my knowledge or control), so I reversed that, and apologised on behalf of the admin panel. From now on the new rules will be enforced,” he added. “All the admins are behind what I did.”

Shop until you really drop: Pint Shop comes to Oxford

0
This summer, Cambridge-based Pint Shop will be opening the doors of a sister establishment on George Street. The offshoot of the pub will be taking up residence facing the New Theatre in a two floor 5600 square foot space. There will be room for 110 diners and 24 kegs.

The Times’ 12th Coolest Restaurant’s website declares itself “a place where people from all walks of life, rub shoulders with each other” and models itself on the home-brewing beer houses of Victorian Britain. The Pint Shop’s online self-portrait guarantees “craft beer, intimacy & fun, throw in some killer food, cooked on coals, just as it was 1830 and deliver it with a bunch of amazing people.”

Evoking this news, Becca Chaplin and Jacqui Thorndyke from food guide Bitten Oxfordtold Cherwell, “We’re always pleased to have new food and drink venues opening in the centre of Oxford, especially when they’ve been winning Awards and recognition left, right and centre, plus we’ve needed some excitement on the scene for a while.

“Craft beers are really coming into their own here, especially with so many excellent local breweries and we’re definitely excited by The Pint Shop’s menu. Our only reservation would be that they’re from Cambridge!”

Ed Murry from the local Shotover Breweries commented “a lot of the pubs in Oxford are tied,” which means that they have to serve the pub chain’s branded beer, “so if Pint Shop’s independent, great!”

Night out aficionado and student Malachi Rayner was another to express interest, “Local craft ales are something students are starting to embrace, cheap and alcoholic, and a break from sickly hyped up £1 jäger bombs and alcopop deals in college bars.”

Newly appointed Balliol Rugby Club Social Secretary Calum Holt also noted the Pint Shop’s decor and ale selection, telling Cherwell with excitement, “I’m looking forward to being very responsible with a small group of friends from chess club in this bar!”

The Pint Shop remained unavailable for comment, presumably too busy planning how to escape Cambridge.

Open Oxford goes into meltdown

0

Created as an online space for members of the University to discuss their views of sensitive or controversial issues, Open Oxford now faces difficulties as a series of bans have led to questions about the administrators’ rights to impose limits on the subjects evoked.

The group’s objective has been to “encourage vigorous but respectful discussion of any topic people are interested in.” Judging that a few of its members had strayed from this original line by posting what admins Jacob Williams, Alex McGann and Alex MQ called “in-jokes and frivolous humour” in their recent online explanation, several of its members were removed from the conversation.

This removal of members is not a one-off, with the admins making it clear that in the future they “reserve the right to remove posts and ban members for abusive and off-topic posts.

“Necessarily this will be somewhat arbitrary but so are all rules. We’ll try to warn people whenever possible before removing them, and we’re happy to readmit members who were removed if they agree to abide by these guidelines.”

Reactions to this have divided the active users of the group, some of which decided to create Open Rebellion in response to Open Oxford’s meltdown.

Sophia Nash explained this division, telling Cherwell, “The OOverlords have betrayed their loyal subjects. We have risen up in defiance of this dictatorship, to stand up for free speech in all its forms and because idk, we were bored.”

The word “purge” was rapidly adopted by members of the group to describe the series of bans. According to Eleanor Sharman, “The admins may yet see the error of their ways, but any revocations of their Purge will now be too little, too late. Original Open Oxford has fallen.”

Alex Doody, a third year German student currently on his year abroad also called for the admins of Open Oxford to resign. He told Cherwell, “Considering the entire raison d’être of Open Oxford as a group to facilitate Free speech, be that serious discussions, polls or even pure shitposting, an antidote to all these other proscriptive Facebook groups, I was initially shocked that a rogue admin would do this, and have become increasingly disgusted as it has become apparent that this may be a coordinated effort.

“I am angry at the way admins have handled this and acted in a way of which Stalin would be proud, and see this as an affront to the very Principles OO was founded to defend. The Admins should resign in shame,” he claimed.

Like the majority of members and former members of Open Oxford expressing their opinion on the meltdown of the group as a space for free discussion, Elrica Degirmen joined Doody in her statement to Cherwell. “This is an affront on the freedom of speech. Freedom of speech ensures that people are able to talk about topics that they want to discuss with others and there is no requirement to always debate “intellectual” subjects.

“Anyone could have banned individuals who make posts on things they do not want to be reading about and indeed no one is obliged to be in the group. It is a great shame that the administrators of Open Oxford thought they could just remove people for arbitrary reasons but it was pleasing to see other members taking a stand against them through continuing their discussions on other related groups.”

Some had a more positive attitude towards the removal of certain members, however, with Ed Mahoney telling Cherwell, “The removed people have a habit of ‘shitposting’ and spamming with unintellectual rubbish.” He added that they formed “a sort of clique which made it difficult for many to follow.”

More on this story: OO Admins apologise for “purge”.

Analysis: Politics and purges in cyberspace

University announces new college

0

Green Templeton College must be breathing a sigh of relief: no longer will it have the distinction of being Oxford’s newest college. Instead that honour will be held by a new college, the first since the merger of Green and Templeton Colleges in 2008, and the first built since Kellogg College was constructed in 1990.

The new college, to be named ‘Wartshog’ is projected to cost nearly £1b over the course of its construction. Though most of this, about £600m, will come from the coffers of the University and its constuent colleges, much of the rest will be donated by Joanne ‘Jo’ Rowling, perhaps better known by her penname ‘JK Rowling.’

Worcester Professor Josephine Quinn, a Buildings and Estates Subcommittee member, told Cherwell that Rowling was highly involved in the project’s conception and committed to building a college explicitly for the ‘gifted.’

“Her idea was fully fleshed out,” Quinn said. “And I must say it was brilliant – flew past the committee without a modification. Despite being new, the college will be built in the style of outdated architecture – Rowling showed us photos of an old Scottish castle – and open only to those who deserve to be there by dint of birth.”

Quinn explained that Wartshog College will take a revolutionary approach to determining admissions. Rather than requiring the ‘talented’ apply, it will send out postcards – to be returned by July 31 – to those whom the college deems to have just the right attributes for study at the University. Those students will be offered a one-of-a-kind education, all the while cloistered off away from the prying eyes of the masses.

The University said in a statement, “We view the creation of Wartshog as a way to truly begin moving forward into the 21st century. Oxford is continuously in the process of modernisation and advancement in order to stay truly competitive as the world continues to globalise. Accordingly, we are in full agreement with Ms Rowling’s plans to build a college where you will be able to graduate without having spent anytime interacting with anyone who is not in some way fundamentally similar to you.”

Students have lauded the University’s announcement. David Lawton, a second year at St Hilda’s told Cherwell, “I am shocked and impressed by the foresight of the University. In announcing that the new college would be built exactly in the model of pre-twentieth century architecture, they subvert our understanding of what modern truly is. And the decision to only accept those with certain ‘abilities’ means that Oxford will continue to maintain its firm hold at the top of whatever university rankings are next scheduled to come out.”

When asked whether he thought it was problematic that most of those who would attend Wartshog came from families that also attended Oxford, Lawton said, “Well, that’s only most, right? Every year I’m sure there will be at least a few who come from families in which neither parent attended a similarly presitigious institution.”

When contacted, Rowling told Cherwell, “I have always found Oxford a beautiful, magical place, perfect for nurturing ‘special skills.’ Not just that, but the University is the ideal mingling ground for bright young people and I’m sure that the relationships they form here will continue to shape their personal and professional lives for decades to come.”

In addressing the fears that students from atypical backgrounds could face discrimination and mudslinging, Rowling said, “It’s possible – but I think the education Wartshog will provide will be more than commensurate for any such problems. After all, they could always choose not to attend, couldn’t they?”

At press time, the University was announcing plans to identify potential applicants to Wartshog and other colleges as early as birth and make sure to accept them when they were old enough for admission.

Review: Zayn Malik – Mind of Mine

0

Mind of Mine is Zayn Malik’s first solo effort since his departure from One Direction early last year, so it is hardly surprising that the album makes explicit efforts to distance itself from that X-Factor brand of watered-down pop. The album approaches graphic sex, dark emotions, and the low points of nights out, which is a welcome change for Zayn; one of the greatest positives of this album is that it feels more sincere than One Direction ever did. But on MoM, Zayn still suffers from overproduction, which jars with what should be raw subject matter and lends an irritating self-consciousness to his supposed image shift.

Musically, the album has more interest than the two made-for-radio singles would suggest. The move from pop into R&B feels natural for Zayn’s vocal style, and while Zayn’s voice does little to distinguish him within the genre, it does work well within said genre’s limitations. The backing tracks draw from a wide range of influences, with unsurprising tinges of Frank Ocean and Robin Schulz, as well as synths that wouldn’t be out of place on a Passion Pit track, or in the softer sections of a XXYYXX album. This diverse musical source material comes together most successfully on ‘tRuTh’, which is also a rare lyrical high point. Its references to his past, trapped in a world that was “not [his] scene”, have the ring of honesty that makes good R&B, and the tinkling synth ornaments and relaxed bassline work well against the track’s softer vocals and chorus-soaked guitar.

Mind of Mine has moments of interest, and some genuinely enjoyable songs, but the extent of its weaknesses, and their prominence in the bulk of the album, only serves to overbear the stronger, more sincere tracks. It is, however, an album that could have been heavily trimmed, which might have made the issue of Zayn’s repetitive lyrical content less obvious, and helped the back end of this 59-minute album feel like less of a slog. Many of the tracks suffer from the common pop disease of having one or two clever lines padded out with rhyming clichés to make a song. ‘lUcOzAdE’, ‘TiO’, and ‘BRIGHT’ are queued one after the other, and ‘LIKE I WOULD’ comes shortly after, all of which are grounded in the stale, overdone, “let’s fuck” school of songwriting, making the second half of the album into an ad nauseam repetition of the self-evident theme that all-grown-up Zayn beats us over the head with in ‘dRuNK’ – “Right now I’m emotional.”

Delving into Dickens: A literary love affair

1

A few weeks ago, I made the mistake of telling my girlfriend that I’d never seen either of the Bridget Jones movies. She talked me into watching them despite the fact that I was happy curling up with my worn-out copy of Charles Dickens’ The Pickwick Papers. As I sat watching it, mentally ticking off the thinly veiled Pride and Prejudice references, it occurred to me that I recently lived through the plot of a romantic comedy myself. Not with my girlfriend, if that’s what you’re thinking, but with the author of the tattered paperback in my hands.

Much like the heroine of almost every ‘Rom-Com’ I’ve ever seen, I was introduced to the dashing stranger that is Charles Dickens. Except instead of being presented to my love interest by an overbearing mother or best friend at a cocktail party, it was in a classroom by an overbearing teacher who slammed a copy of Great Expectations on the desk in front of me and told me to “begin at chapter one”. It’s at this point in the movie that tall-dark-and-handsome usually makes an asinine comment that greatly offends and alienates the protagonist. This entire novel was that asinine comment; long, drawn-out, devoid of morals and with scarcely a likeable character, I simply couldn’t engage and vowed I would never being even an acquaintance with this man, let alone anything more serious.

It is generally established that the next few scenes involve the hero living their life, hanging out with friends and even a few dalliances with other minor love interests who usually turn out to be very, very bad for you. For me, living my life was my A-Levels. My friends were comfortable reads like Mark Haddon, Terry Pratchett and the sassy quips of Jane Austen, all of whom naturally offer the comic relief. My dalliance? An ill-fated affair with the roguish playboy that is Leo Tolstoy, which left me tired, exhausted and with a pounding headache. Dickens came up in conversations now and again, awkwardly brought up by friends in pubs and pushed by teachers and parents as the better match. It was relatively easy to turn my nose up and ignore his dark, shadowy presence at the back of my mind. Then came the literary equivalent of what I like to call ‘the unavoidable moment’. You know the one! Maybe it’s a party where the hero can’t avoid the love interest any longer, maybe his best friend’s starts dating the sister, maybe an office mishap means they have to work together. This is kind of what happened to me, except for me it came in the form of a university reading list. “You must have read at least three works by this author” it loudly boasted. As I looked at his smug expression, curly hair and row-upon-row of densely typed script, my heart sank a little and I tried to ignore the slight arousal of my interest.

During this stage, Bridget Jones starts to notice the more redeeming qualities of Mark Darcy instead of viewing him as a pompous arse. The same was happening for me and Charlie. Instead of the drab, dour and fundamentally elitist man who offered me Great Expectations, I met het intelligent, thoughtful author of A Tale of Two Cities, the cheeky, comedic journalist that penned Sketches by Boz and shrewd, perceptive and passionate social campaigner behind Bleak House. I was starting, it seemed, to see things from his point of view.

Every romantic comedy seems to end with a big reveal. When the past sins of tall-dark-and-handsome are explained away in a perfectly justified soliloquy. The protagonist curses themselves for being so judgemental. Finally, the two fall in love. I found my justification when reading a biography of Charles Dickens. It told me that when his stories were published in magazines, the guy was paid by the word. I’d objected to him on the grounds that he was long-winded, overly descriptive and a little boring, but I got it now! Of course he was going to ramble on for ages, it was earning him the money to buy his family food! It was admirable! Heck, if I was paid by the word, my novels would be twice the length even of Dombey and Sons! Suddenly, there was a brand new man stood before me! Suddenly, I understood him, respected him even. He was only trying to make a living. Finally, I could open up my heart to this intriguing author and let my love develop.

There’ll be a proposal of course, as long as it’s better than the dreadful, fumbling attempt of Mr Headstone in Our Mutual Friend. As for the sequel, well it’s obvious isn’t it? I’ll find out what he did to Nancy in Oliver Twist and angry and heartbroken I’ll end our relationship, subsequently struggling to forgive him before he wins me back with The Christmas Books. 

Oxford Muslim leaders condemn Lahore attacks

0

Muslim leaders in Oxford have condemned the suicide bombing that occurred in Pakistan on Sunday this week. 70 were killed and 300 injured at Lahore after a bomb was detonated at the city’s Gulshan-E-Iqbal park during Christian Easter celebrations.

It is thought that the majority of the victims of the attack were women and children, of which many were Muslims.

The founder of The Oxford Foundation Imam Monawar Hussain told Cherwell the attacks were “utterly senseless” and left him “deeply saddened.”

He added, “These were senseless and wicked attacks aimed at the Pakistani Christian community celebrating a significant religious holy day in the Christian calendar. My thoughts and prayers are with the victims, their families, friends and the people of Pakistan.

“As a father, it’s heart-breaking to witness the images of families and especially children playing, rejoicing and having fun, being cut down by such an horrific and callous act. As a Muslim, the Prophet’s words, ‘he who is not merciful to children is not one of us’ keep reverberating in my mind.”

A breakaway faction of the Taliban militant group, Jamaat-ul-Ahrar, which once declared allegiance to IS, claimed responsibility for Sunday’s attack.

Director of Cowley’s Oxford Islamic Centre Hojjat Ramzy said, “All Muslims condemn the killing of innocent people in Pakistan. We are praying for the families of the victims. Our heart goes to those who lost their loved ones.”

Since the attacks on Easter Sunday, Muslim communities worldwide have condemned the suicide bombing in Pakistan.

Oxford University Islamic Society told Cherwell, “The Oxford University Islamic Society would like to express its grief and shock at the heinous events of Lahore, and extend its heartfelt condolences and prayers to the people of Pakistan, and to all those around the world affected by terrorism. We note that the bombing, which targeted Christians and claimed predominantly Muslim lives, was an attack on Pakistani society, and we utterly reject this attempt to divide religious communities in Pakistan.

“We pray for unity on the values of peace, compassion and mercy, and demand for the venerable Christian community in Pakistan the unconditional tolerance, respect and protection that is specifically postulated by Islamic teachings. All peoples around the world are involved in a common struggle against violence, and we support wholeheartedly any group working for peace and an end to war.”