It is no revelation that growing up with siblings necessarily shapes character, their influence less deliberate but often just as enduring as parents. As the middle child of five, I’ve never known life without them – not to mention my extended family, which, since my mum is one of eleven siblings, always promises a chaotic Christmas.
As we progressed academically, rivalry was inevitable, and the compulsion to compare was not assuaged by my parents; I definitely don’t miss the side-by-side comparisons of school reports that had such a seminal influence on my teenage development. My older sisters, with their uninterrupted string of perfect grades, set the precedent, and when the eldest graduated with a First from Cambridge, my fate was sealed. In spite of this, we’ve always been close. A sheltered countryside upbringing and proximity in age made us constant companions by default, so that the shift as we each leave for university is freshly disorienting every time.
Between us, we cover the spectrum of communication styles; we’d make an ideal sample set for a psychological study. The eldest, with frequent phone calls, updates on her crochet projects, and requests for pictures of our dog, has never felt far away. Paradoxically, going our separate ways has brought us closer together; distance makes you appreciate those aspects of a person which continuous proximity tends to dull. The second oldest couldn’t be more of a contrast: her default setting is radio silence. None of us know her whereabouts at any given moment. I’m still reeling from the night when I bumped into her in Bridge, without even knowing she was in Oxford. A reaction on the group chat, or, if we’re lucky, a photo every few months, are the few fragmentary glimpses we’re afforded into her external existence, otherwise kept discrete from her home life. Each has adapted to independence in a drastically different way.
I like to think I strike a good balance, calling regularly enough for mutual reassurance, while maintaining the right level of separation to foster self-sufficiency. Whenever I go back home, no matter the interlude, it’s easy to slot back into its unbroken rhythm, as if resuming a conversation we’ve been having for years. The fallacy of a space frozen in time overrides all complications; I find myself stubbornly ignoring the extra centimetres my brother has gained in my absence, out of a desire to find him unchanged. Home feels like a constant: the march of time, which, at university, sweeps me up in its progression, seems to decelerate when I’m back in the milieu of my childhood. My youngest sister, who never says “Goodbye”, or “Welcome home”, provides comforting continuity. Even if I’ve been gone for months, I can expect the same rapport, balanced with a unique ability to antagonise me, the same secondary school gossip, the same caustic judgement of whoever I’m dating at the time.
Despite its appearance of static progression, things do change at home. But no matter the developments that come with moving out, no matter the level of communication (or lack thereof) we maintain while apart, I’ve never felt estranged from my siblings. It’s comforting to know that they’ll continue to be witnesses to my life – getting on my nerves and stealing my clothes – whether we’re in the same nightclub, or halfway across the world.

