Tuesday 24th June 2025
Blog Page 1834

Saying No(r)way to cliché

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I’m definitely working in reaction to the perception of the female subject’, says Jenny Hval, ‘which is so often reduced to photoshopped, perfectly shaven parts. I find this a very evil part of modern society, obsessed with perfection and imperfection even more. So I really want to make music where there’s room for lots of imperfections’.

Hval, a vocalist, songwriter and novelist from Norway, has been rapidly establishing herself as a potent force within experimental music. She revels in her multiple artistic activities which include the publication of a mildly controversial novel, Perlebryggeriet (The Pearl Brewery). Her recent recording, Viscera, released under the great Rune Grammofon label, has attracted significant critical attention with comparisons being made to Kate Bush and Patti Smith. The first album under her own name (she has previously performed as Rockettothesky), Viscera weaves graphic, fantastical and feminist traditions through a haze of zither, church organ and psaltery. 

Hval sweetly opens the record with the provocative line, ‘I arrived in town with an electric toothbrush pressed against my clitoris’, subtly playing with the idea of explicit language. Speaking from her Oslo home, Hval reflects upon this lyric’s inherent instability. ‘It’s very interesting when I play it live because the audience reacts very differently. In Norway everybody laughs while in other places people tend not to. I’m trying to make the listener unsure – is it ironic or is it not?’

Hval’s music, revolving around her feminist explorations, finds itself mostly concerned with lyrics. ‘I’ve been wanting to find a way to express that language naturally’, she explains, ‘instead of seeking a more visceral quality of expression in a more punkish delivery. I’m not naturally like that in terms of the way I sing and speak so I wanted to use the more literary feminist tradition’. 

For Hval, lyrics guide her music. This literary focus, almost reversing the traditional creative process, stretches back to her experiences studying creative writing and theatre at the University of Melbourne. ‘I wrote a lot of monologues that I also wrote into songs in my spare time. When you have music, the lyrics get very focused on following that structure. I really loved the energy in going about it the other way around’.

Given the endless clichés of frozen landscapes and melancholy that insidiously creep into discussions around Nordic music, Hval’s intense relationship with the English language is particularly interesting. ‘I didn’t really start writing properly until I started writing in English,’ she reflects. ‘Getting away from the paradigm that decides what is good art in my country has always been very important for me. English was very liberating for me and allowed for a much more explicit language musically. I had the distance within myself to think of the words as sound instead of just meaning’. 

For Hval, it is entirely relevant that she is a Norwegian artist who does not fit into Norwegian pop music. She grew up listening to as much English folk music as she did to the Norwegian (Sami) folk tradition. An obsession with the English language and intonation courses through her music.

Above all, Hval’s music still sits defiantly on the margins. With her 2006 debut album To Sing You Apple Trees, Hval started out being near the mainstream, ‘which wasn’t what I wanted’, she observes. ‘Over the years I‘ve become more interested in the ephemeral quality of music and a lot less interested in the pop music repetitive form’. So where does Hval find herself now? ‘I think there are many ways of being in the margins’, she concedes. But tribal fandom and the cult of personality, which defines much of non-mainstream music, is not for her. ‘I think I will always stay a loner artistically’, she ventures. As Norway’s once very diverse musical output becomes increasingly commercialized, Jenny Hval’s lone voice could not be more timely.

Students show solidarity

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Protesters holding banners and placards spelling out ‘NO CONFIDENCE’ lined up outside the Sheldonian Theatre on Tuesday afternoon to greet exiting academics with whoops and cheers upon news of the vote.

Protesters holding banners and placards spelling out ‘NO CONFIDENCE’ lined up outside the Sheldonian Theatre on Tuesday afternoon to greet exiting academics with whoops and cheers upon news of the vote.
Some had been there since 2pm, when the dons first entered Congregation, and despite the occassional rain shower were in just as positive a mood three hours later as they were when they turned up. 
Chants ran along the lines of “No ifs, no buts, no education cuts!” and “Education for the masses, not for the ruling classes!”
Students from Wadham, St Catz and Teddy Hall, who knew each other from Oxford University Campaign meetings, expressed confidence that the motion would pass, calling themselves “quite confident in no confidence”. Instead, the question which seemed to be on everyone’s minds was how big a majority would be. 
Hearing of the 283 – 5 result the protesters were “ecstatic”, seeing it as a confirmation of the strength of feeling against the government’s higher education policies. 
Owen Hubbard, a student at St John’s, said, “This sends out a really powerful message that academics, as well as students, are overwhelmingly fed up with Willetts’ incompetent and out-of-touch approach.” 
Another protester added, “these are the people that taught the government in the first place”.
Upbeat music accompanied the cheers, claps and whistles, bringing broad smiles to the faces of the tutors leaving Congregation, some of whom gave thumbs ups and raised arms to the crowd, to an even greater response. The general positive mood was enhanced when the sun chose that moment to come out.
As one student summarised it, “Today we’re here to try and express support for our tutors. This is a happy and peaceful protest which aims to give the resolution wider media attention, and raise the issue into national debate.”
Not all the protesters were students. Some were present simply to express “solidarity”. A passer-by, a Balliol alumnus who came up in 1961, commented, “All over the world universities have become very passive – now, thank God, this is changing.” 
He drew links to the worldwide student protests of 1968, which had humble beginnings in movements similar to the gathering outside the Sheldonian. 
“Protests like these make all the difference,” he said. “They add up.”

Some had been there since 2pm, when the dons first entered Congregation, and despite the occassional rain shower were in just as positive a mood three hours later as they were when they turned up.

Chants ran along the lines of “No ifs, no buts, no education cuts!” and “Education for the masses, not for the ruling classes!”

Students from Wadham, St Catz and Teddy Hall, who knew each other from Oxford University Campaign meetings, expressed confidence that the motion would pass, calling themselves “quite confident in no confidence”. Instead, the question on their minds was how big a majority it would be.

Hearing of the 283-5 result the protesters were “ecstatic”, seeing it as a confirmation of the strength of feeling against the government’s higher education policies.

Owen Hubbard, a student at St John’s, said, “This sends out a really powerful message that academics, as well as students, are overwhelmingly fed up with Willetts’ incompetent and out-of-touch approach.”

Another protester added, referring to the dons, “these are the people that taught the government in the first place”.

Upbeat music accompanied cheers, claps and whistles as tutors left Congregation, some of whom gave a thumbs up in response. 

As one student summarised it, “Today we’re here to try and express support for our tutors. This is a happy and peaceful protest which aims to give the resolution wider media attention, and raise the issue into national debate.”

Not all the protesters were students however. Some were present simply to express “solidarity”. A passer-by, a Balliol alumnus who came up in 1961, commented, “All over the world universities have become very passive – now, thank God, this is changing.”

He drew links to the worldwide student protests of 1968, which had humble beginnings in movements similar to the gathering outside the Sheldonian. “Protests like these make all the difference,” he said. “They add up.”

One in six Oxbridge applicants use company for help

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Cherwell can reveal that nearly one in six Oxbridge applicants register for the services of Oxbridge Applications, an independent profit driven company which sells university admission advice.

On average, between 5,000 and 6,000 students contact Oxbridge Applications each year, while the overall number applying to Oxbridge is around 34,000 and growing each year.

Founded in 1999, Oxbridge Applications is fast growing. The profits of the parent company, Application Research Limited, have increased by over 150% in the last year, from £67, 115 in 2010 to £110, 552 in 2011.

The company offer Admissions Tests Seminars for £185, Private Consultations for £240, Interview Preparation Days from £220, and an Interview & Admissions Test Weekend for £1500.

Oxbridge Applications claim that an average of 53% of those accepted for the Premier Service, which costs up to several thousand pounds, gain offers to Oxford or Cambridge, compared with an average of just 21% for Oxbridge applicants overall.

Oxford University was quick to distance itself from the company. A University spokesperson said, “We do not endorse any commercial operations or publications offering advice or training on our admissions process.”

Academic staff were also sceptical. Dr Peter Bull, Tutor for Admissions at Hertford, said, “Colleges will be happy to give advice free of charge. Why be charged by a consultant when you can ask the person who selects the candidates, at no cost?”

Rachel Spedding, Executive Director of Oxbridge Applications and a former student at Worcester College, told Cherwell that the company work with current and former students.

Dr Lucinda Rumsey, Admissions Tutor at Mansfield, said, “Students are not necessarily clearly informed about what tutors are looking for in the interview and other parts of the process. I am really disappointed that students get involved in this.”

Alex Bulfin, OUSU VP for Access and Academic Affairs, said, “This sends a message to prospective students that there is a ‘secret’ to winning a place here and that if you haven’t been coached in ‘the right way’ then you won’t stand a chance.”

However, not all students were as damning of the company. Thomas O’Brien, a first-year PPE student who attended an Oxbridge Applications preparation day said, “It would probably have been useful to people who, unlike me, didn’t get much help from their schools.”

A third year History student who used the company’s Access Scheme said, “My school did not have a history of sending people to Oxbridge, so it was really good to meet people who’d been through the admissions process and could tell me what it was like.”

Spedding highlighted the access schemes which the company runs. She said, “We are not helping people get in ‘through the back door’. It’s people’s choice if they want to use our services.”

The University urged that, “The best advice is to work hard, and make full use of the many free and authoritative sources of guidance and information the University itself provides.”

Penny Pinching: 7

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Cameron’s saying it. Lord Sugar’s saying it. Even Danni, last week’s page 3 model, is ‘glad to hear the government’s plans to encourage entrepreneurship by cutting red tape and lowering corporation tax.’  The message is, this country needs more entrepreneurs to raise UK innovation and give a much needed boost to the economy, and the conveyor belt from Oxbridge to the major banking and consultancy firms isn’t exactly helping encourage original thought. So put down that PWC application and listen up.

You may be wondering why in a money saving column I’m banging on about the next Richard Branson. Yet even if we disregard the cut in pay from a decent starting salary of £30k upwards in a cushy graduate job to effectively zero working for yourself, the large amounts of stress, lack of sleep and the physical and financial drain that a new business poses, there’s never been a better time to go it alone.
You might not be aware that we’re in the middle of a boom for online tech start-ups, the likes of which hasn’t been seen since the late 90s. Then, the bursting of the dot com bubble followed astronomical valuations of online businesses relative to their profits, with the fall-out being felt in stock markets worldwide. Since Facebook started their march to worldwide domination in 2004, the social landscape online has been gradually divided up between different sites which each want to manage a different aspect of our online life – micro-blogging with Twitter, content discovery with StumbleUpon, business connections with LinkedIn and so on. New music sites are popping up and drawing in the masses – out of the top players, Spotify is probably the most well-known, with Soundcloud, Mixcloud and Wonga being the other front runners. 
All of this is in the face of a concerted effort by the government to encourage entry to the market with a wide range of financial stimuli for budding-entrepreneurs. A quick search on the internet reveals plenty of investment boards offering grants for innovation in their particular sectors, with some ranging from £25k for proof-of-market to £250k for prototype development – if that isn’t an incentive to get out and do your own thing, I don’t know what is.
In addition to grants, there are a growing number of ‘start-up incubators’ popping up. These provide funding to early stage start-ups, and provide support to get the product from an idea to a fully-fledged company. The most well-known of these are the US-based Y-Combinator and TechStars, but aside from the big boys with multi-million pound budgets, there are plenty of smaller players out there, which are, by necessity, more likely to specialise in much more restricted markets, and thus present a greater likelihood of investment.
A perfect example of this dropped into my inbox this morning with the JCR notices – a start-up incubator especially for Oxford students, BetaFoundry, offer the usual gubbins; funding (admittedly barely more than expenses), office space and mentoring, with the bonus that they’re only considering teams from Oxford Uni. This is just the kind of limited market in which your likelihood of being picked up is massively increased, and with the market in its current state, I would wager there’s more than enough room for some decent UK based entrepreneurs to break out. That, or you’ve already stopped reading and are back to consultancy applications. 

You may be wondering why in a money saving column I’m banging on about the next Richard Branson. Yet even if we disregard the cut in pay from a decent starting salary of £30k upwards in a cushy graduate job to effectively zero working for yourself, the large amounts of stress, lack of sleep and the physical and financial drain that a new business poses, there’s never been a better time to go it alone.

You might not be aware that we’re in the middle of a boom for online tech start-ups, the likes of which hasn’t been seen since the late 90s. Then, the bursting of the dot com bubble followed astronomical valuations of online businesses relative to their profits, with the fall-out being felt in stock markets worldwide. Since Facebook started their march to worldwide domination in 2004, the social landscape online has been gradually divided up between different sites which each want to manage a different aspect of our online life – micro-blogging with Twitter, content discovery with StumbleUpon, business connections with LinkedIn and so on. New music sites are popping up and drawing in the masses – out of the top players, Spotify is probably the most well-known, with Soundcloud, Mixcloud and Wonga being the other front runners.

All of this is in the face of a concerted effort by the government to encourage entry to the market with a wide range of financial stimuli for budding-entrepreneurs. A quick search on the internet reveals plenty of investment boards offering grants for innovation in their particular sectors, with some ranging from £25k for proof-of-market to £250k for prototype development – if that isn’t an incentive to get out and do your own thing, I don’t know what is. In addition to grants, there are a growing number of ‘start-up incubators’ popping up. These provide funding to early stage start-ups, and provide support to get the product from an idea to a fully-fledged company. The most well-known of these are the US-based Y-Combinator and TechStars, but aside from the big boys with multi-million pound budgets, there are plenty of smaller players out there, which are, by necessity, more likely to specialise in much more restricted markets, and thus present a greater likelihood of investment.

A perfect example of this dropped into my inbox this morning with the JCR notices – a start-up incubator especially for Oxford students, BetaFoundry, offer the usual gubbins; funding (admittedly barely more than expenses), office space and mentoring, with the bonus that they’re only considering teams from Oxford Uni. This is just the kind of limited market in which your likelihood of being picked up is massively increased, and with the market in its current state, I would wager there’s more than enough room for some decent UK based entrepreneurs to break out. That, or you’ve already stopped reading and are back to consultancy applications. 

Great Sexpectations: Volume Seven

The best thing about a fall, surely, is the potential it provides for a comeback. This is what’s crossing my mind as I sit in the library, the ice queen and I, in the corner on an upper floor, secreted between two bookstacks. It’s late into the night, and my thoughts were, until an hour ago, solely focused on the unfinished essay waiting downstairs for me, glaring out from the computer screen. The library is quieter now, post-midnight; when I trudged upstairs for a book, I was disturbed by the sound of footfall. She came up and, seeing me, came over to talk. The reality of the situation is laughably casual, for we are both slumming about, both in not-our-best jeans, her in a plain vest and me in a t-shirt. Yet the conversation becomes intimate, as she discards the persona that she has supposedly been assuming for the past weeks, and the strangeness of the situation fades as she opens up. She tells me of the planned fun in baiting a random person, and how the recent development between my best friend and I changed her perspective; the challenge started to possess too much destructive potential. I tell her how the relationship between the two of us has stalled, despite being amicable again since the Fuzzys disaster. My best friend then fades from thought, among the jokes, the flirting, and the occasional flash of old siren qualities, but which now are transposed, genuine and exciting, into the true person.

At some trivial little moment where we laugh together I lean over and kiss her. As I move I see a little flash of surprise at the suddenness of the movement, but then our eyes close and I can feel the arching corners of her mouth as she smiles through the kiss. In the culture of drunk encounters I’ve been exposed to this term, our library rendezvous reminds me that the sober kiss remains the most incredible thing – a relatively superficial embrace reinforced by substantial feeling. I can remember the feel of her wet body against mine, a weeks-old image given new vitality, and at this point I don’t care about the challenge, or any plans for relationships. I want to have sex with her, not through any vague ideas about status, but with the most exhilarating reckless intent.
She can tell, and she responds, pulling me to my feet from our place on the floor. We rush back to my room, and she pulls me against the door in a long-savoured kiss, my hands fumbling for the key as we pull away. She watches with coy amusement as I realise, horrified, that it must have fallen out on the library floor. There is a pause as we look each other, the electricity fading at the thought of traipsing to her room, before she pulls at my hand. I’m led downstairs and out into the still summer night, towards some grassy corner secluded in the early morning darkness. She smiles again, our bodies come together, and I’m all expectation.

The best thing about a fall, surely, is the potential it provides for a comeback. This is what’s crossing my mind as I sit in the library, the ice queen and I, in the corner on an upper floor, secreted between two bookstacks. It’s late into the night, and my thoughts were, until an hour ago, solely focused on the unfinished essay waiting downstairs for me, glaring out from the computer screen. The library is quieter now, post-midnight; when I trudged upstairs for a book, I was disturbed by the sound of footfall. She came up and, seeing me, came over to talk. The reality of the situation is laughably casual, for we are both slumming about, both in not-our-best jeans, her in a plain vest and me in a t-shirt. Yet the conversation becomes intimate, as she discards the persona that she has supposedly been assuming for the past weeks, and the strangeness of the situation fades as she opens up. She tells me of the planned fun in baiting a random person, and how the recent development between my best friend and I changed her perspective; the challenge started to possess too much destructive potential. I tell her how the relationship between the two of us has stalled, despite being amicable again since the Fuzzys disaster. My best friend then fades from thought, among the jokes, the flirting, and the occasional flash of old siren qualities, but which now are transposed, genuine and exciting, into the true person.

At some trivial little moment where we laugh together I lean over and kiss her. As I move I see a little flash of surprise at the suddenness of the movement, but then our eyes close and I can feel the arching corners of her mouth as she smiles through the kiss. In the culture of drunk encounters I’ve been exposed to this term, our library rendezvous reminds me that the sober kiss remains the most incredible thing – a relatively superficial embrace reinforced by substantial feeling. I can remember the feel of her wet body against mine, a weeks-old image given new vitality, and at this point I don’t care about the challenge, or any plans for relationships. I want to have sex with her, not through any vague ideas about status, but with the most exhilarating reckless intent. She can tell, and she responds, pulling me to my feet from our place on the floor. We rush back to my room, and she pulls me against the door in a long-savoured kiss, my hands fumbling for the key as we pull away. She watches with coy amusement as I realise, horrified, that it must have fallen out on the library floor. There is a pause as we look each other, the electricity fading at the thought of traipsing to her room, before she pulls at my hand. I’m led downstairs and out into the still summer night, towards some grassy corner secluded in the early morning darkness. She smiles again, our bodies come together, and I’m all expectation.

Students sexually assaulted

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A 19-year-old woman was sexually assaulted in the early hours of Sunday morning on Westbury Crescent in the Cowley area of the city.

The victim was punched several times in the head, pushed to the ground and sexually assaulted before she managed to escape and run off in the direction of Rose Hill Road.

The incident was Oxford’s fifth sexual assault in 8 days with four previous attacks on young female students from both Oxford University and Oxford Brookes.

Two women aged 21 and 24 were attacked between Southfield Road and Cowley Road in the early hours of Sunday 29th May and two more women, 19 and 20, were assaulted in a similar area in the early hours of last Thursday.

Police originally thought the five incidents may all be connected however, in the latest Thames Valley Police report, Detective Inspector Simon Morton said, “certain details have come to light that has led us to believe that the attacker in this incident is different from the man who carried out the previous attacks.”

The police have now released two e-fits of the men they would like to question in relation to these attacks.

The attacker who is believed to have carried out the first four assaults is described as “oriental or Asian, in his twenties, about 5ft 8ins to 5ft 10ins, of a slim to medium build with short black hair, possibly in tight curls”.

The latest attacker is believed to be in his late 20s, possibly Albanian, about 5ft 6in, clean shaven, of medium build, with dark hair and olive skin and is believed to have a bite-mark on his hand resulting from one of the attacks.
 

Many students have received emails from their colleges warning young women to avoid walking alone at night especially in the Cowley area.

Like a moth to a finalist

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A moth infestation in St Peter’s third year annexe on Thomas Street has caused havoc in the run up to finalists’ exams.

The college Bursar confirmed that the college would be taking action against Kingerlee, the company responsible for filling the roof cavity of the building and utility cupboards with inadequately treated wool, which attracted moths to rooms on the top floor of the building.

A spokesperson from St Peter’s said, “We noticed the problem early in the year and have done our best to treat the symptoms in order to minimise disruption to students. We have offered alternative accommodation but the students have opted to stay.”

One student living in the annex commented, “Some days I have killed literally hundreds of moths. My room is covered in splats, as is the corridor. It affects work as they fly around the desk lamp. Cooking utensils often have to be cleaned before use. Moths have flown into food and drink.”

The moths were first sighted in early January, and spread to lower floors in the building. Students contacted College officials in February and an extermination company sprayed the entire top floor in April.

Although this reduced the moth numbers for a few weeks, it failed to kill the root of the infestation and moths continue to irritate students taking finals.

The Bursar said, “The only solution is to remove the walls and ceiling and replace the insulation. We cannot do this until after Finals but the problem should be resolved before next term. The College will be pursuing a claim against the builder.”

JCR President Robert Collier said, “College staff have been extremely cooperative in helping the students through these unfortunate circumstances, and were very fair and reasonable during our discussion overcompensation.

“The college has immediate plans to remedy this situation before the beginning of Michaelmas.”

The JCR has negotiated an agreement on compensation for those students affected.

Kingerlee declined to comment.

Uni investments aren’t ‘armless’

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Concern over the morality of Oxford University’s investment in arms has this week resurfaced following an article published by the Oxford Anti-War Action Movement in journal The Lancet.

The article condemned University investments in “BAE systems, Raytheon, Lockheed Martin and other arms manufacturers” that totalled an average of £4.5 million a year from 2008 to 2010.

The investment in Lockheed Martin in particular was singled out. In April 2010 the University held £1.4 million worth of shares in the US-based company which manufactures cluster munitions, which are illegal in the UK.

“Saying you have a socially responsible investment policy while investing in cluster bombs and depleted uranium is like telling the world you’re tee-total while embarking on a binge”, said Ashley Inglis on behalf of the Anti-War Movement.

But Inglis says that their protests are having the desired effect. She explained, “There has been an instant response to our comment in The Lancet: it has been picked up by various journals worldwide.

“We predicted that the University’s image, already tarnished by its investments in the arms trade, would suffer further deterioration if the Council chose last June to ignore its ethical responsibilities and refuse to divest from arms manufacturers. This is now happening.

“The word has gone out far and wide that Oxford University has no ethical standards whatsoever.”

The University has however stressed that it regulates its investments carefully.

A spokesperson stated, “The Socially Responsible Investment Review Committee is responsible for looking at these issues. The University invests in funds, not individual companies.

“In June 2010, the Council of the University of Oxford set a restriction on the Fund regarding the direct ownership of companies whose activities contravene the Landmines Act 1998 and the Cluster Munitions (Prohibitions) Act 2010. OUEM Ltd reports compliance with this restriction regularly to the Investment Committee.”

However, the decision by the Council in June 2010 concluded that they would only monitor investments where they were “pooled” rather than “direct”.

Inglis argued that the social responsibility procedure is “not a policy but a procedure – a procedure for taking ethical concerns and passing them through a discussion process totally devoid of intellectual and moral rigour”, and highlighted the prominent role of companies such as BAE in selling arms to regimes such as Colonel Gaddaffi’s in Libya.

She added, “It’s time Oxford University showed some of the intelligence it’s supposed to be famous for, engaged seriously with this issue and divested from the arms trade.

“We will be writing to members of Council to draw their attention to our comment in The Lancet. Thereafter we are going to take this to Congregation, which represents the entire University, and which can force the Council to reconsider this deplorable situation”.

Student opinion seemed divided. Politics student Lauren Potter commented, “On the one hand arms investment can be beneficial to the security of our country and the protection of democracy and humanity.

“But when it is revealed that the University’s investments are supporting those such as Gaddaffi’s, a line has to be drawn. I don‘t want my money, even indirectly, to support such an immoral debacle.”

Hertford duck up on river

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As always, Summer VIIIs brought scenes of fierce competition and ruthless determination to the Isis. However, the greatest victim on Friday was not the pride of the losers, but a female mallard that was tragically killed on the river.

Hertford’s M2 boat, racing just past Donnington Bridge were startled to see the body of a duck, floating upside down near their stern between the boat and the bank. Although the exact circumstances of her death are, as yet, undetermined, it has been assumed that either a collision with the boat itself, or with one of the blades, brought about her untimely demise.

One of the rowers in the fateful boat, Gregory Lippiatt, denied responsibility, claiming, “To be fair, we don’t even know for sure if she was dead. I mean, she could have just been sleeping in an awkward position, or perhaps she was testing how long she could hold her breath.

“The fact that we were in the vicinity, thrashing about madly, blades going in all directions… well, there’s no way to know for sure that the two things aren’t a coincidence.”

His team-mate, Geoff Nelson, was more apologetic about the incident, saying, “Hertford M2 had no intention of killing any wildlife during our races. We would like acknowledge that this was a freak accident on the river. We apologize to Mother Nature for our transgression.”

Ex-rower Lucy Marriott, was horrified to learn of the incident, commented, “Ducks’ lives are precious! They deserve more rights than rowers, it’s their river after all.”

Despite such recriminations from duck-lovers across Oxford, one team member, Seaver Milnor, though not on the calamitous boat, defended his team-mates, “Though I don’t study Law, at least in my country ‘murder’ would require the intent to do bodily harm. This I suppose is a case of hit-and-run resulting in involuntary manslaughter, er, duckslaughter.”

One rower from Hertford stated, “M2 are rubbish, the only thing they could bump was a duck. They hit the duck as they crashed into the bank trying to escape a bump.”

Out of respect for their victim, the team took a moment of silence on Saturday when passing the spot where the duck breathed her last..”

An RSPCA volunteer confirmed to Cherwell that ducks do not have right-of-way on the river She did add however, that “Ducks are usually clever enough to get out of the way” and that in the dog-eat-dog (or indeed boat-kill-duck) world that we live in, “wildlife has to take its chances.”

Ex-Presidents clash before panel

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James Kingston, who was President in Michaelmas 2010, claimed that his successor James Langman was guilty of “action that was liable or calculated to bring the Society into disrepute” and “abuse of office with the intention of financially or materially benefitting the offender”.

This was in regard to Langman’s response to Kingston’s cancellation of Sri Lankan President Mahinda Rajapaska in Michaelmas 2010.

The Union released a statement at the time, explaining that the Sri Lankan President was cancelled due to security concerns and the “sheer scale of the expected protests”.

Langman allegedly then travelled to the Sri Lankan High Commission in London to apologise in person for the decision, extending an invitation for Rajapaksa to speak just a few days later, during his term as President.

Kingston, who had a finals exam in the afternoon, was not present at the hearing, and said he was “extremely unhappy” with the outcome.

“There has been a clear breach of natural justice in that neither I nor my witnesses were able to attend during exams”, Kingston said.

The panel decided that Langman had “no case to answer” in Kingston’s claims.

Sidders, who also organised the SDC hearing noted that complaints need to be heard within 28 days of being passed. She noted that Kingston had plenty of time to lodge a complaint without clashing his commitment to exams.

In a separate case, the SDC meeting cleared Hasan Ali and condemned accusations against him as “frivolous”.

Ali faced a vote of no confidence from fellow Standing Committee members in Hilary term for failing to host a guest speaker, and for providing “conflicting, contradictory and incompatible explanations of this failure to complete his official duties”.

Seeking to recoup some of the cost of the hearing, the panel fined ex-President Laura Winwood, and James Freeland £40 each. Ash Thomas, who was not present at the hearings, also received an £80 fine.

The Union said that Winwood and Freeland were fined less “in view of their candour and cooperation with the proceedings”. Thomas slammed the panel’s findings as “totally unjustified”.

Ali was initially condemned for “failure” to host a guest speaker and providing “conflicting, contradictory and incompatible explanations of this failure to complete his official duties” in a series of extraordinary meetings, held by the Standing Committee of the Union in 7th Week last term.

At that time Ali was running for President in Michaelmas 2011, although he later lost to Izzy Westbury in elections that were held on the Friday of 7th Week.

In a statement released by the Union, Ali said he was “relieved” by the committee’s findings.

However, he added, “It just worries me – and it should worry every member of the Union – that elections are no longer conducted on merit, rather, on the basis of who can smear whom the most in the student press.”