Saturday 28th June 2025
Blog Page 1507

Cherwell Workouts: Tennis

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When I saw what I was expected to do as part of the Tennis Weekly Workout I practically fainted. It shouldn’t really have been a surprise; anyone who
watches the sport will have been well aware of the frankly terrifying level of fitness shown by the likes of Andy Murray (anyone remember him throwing up on-court?) but itseems our Blues aren’t miles behind, at least in terms of fitness regimes.

As a starting point, the suggested run around University Parks soundedan alright way to spend an evening.So I tied up the jogging shoesand quite enjoyed a leisurely threelaps of the loop that I could find –you see, I’ve a habit of getting lostin Uni Parks. Whether it was exactlythe right loop, or at the right speed,is another question, but it was a nicenight so I could see the attraction of using it as an excuse to get my heart working!

The following morning I startedto try and simulate the circuits plan
set out in the training regime. Again,facilities were perhaps not the best,
but my room has a good carpet, sosit-ups, press-ups, squats, and lunges
were all fine. Unfortunately I don’town a pull-up bar, so given I’m not
allowed the key to the college gym– think I was hungover for the induction – I didn’t bother with thatparticular exercise, and moved on togetting some incredibly funny looksas I did ‘step-ups’, at the bottom ofmy staircase. At least I hope that what I was doing was what the tennis players meant by step-ups.

Next I somehow found the timeto actually get a game of tennisin. I mean, by now, juggling evena truncated version of this workout,coursework, and all mannerof classes and meetings was beginningto mess with my head slightly,
but in reality having ‘a bit of a hit’was a nice break in the day. I’m afairly experienced if not necessarily good player, and not having to thinkparticularly hard in the few sets Isneaked into my hours was pleasant.

The whole workout was supposed to involve a week’s worth of 40k cycles,
swimming, several weights sessions,and, as I’ve mentioned, a strict
diet plan. Of course, that didn’tquite happen for me. But what was clear is how seriously this lot take fitness. I suppose tennis is a sportthat demands an all-round level offitness not seen in most other activities;you need that ultra-fit cardiovascularsystem, but not at the expense of a quick tactical brain and a explosive power. In that sense, the crazy, faint-inducing workoutthey do has many benefits, and will hopefully prepare them very well for the next Varsity match.

FLEXIBILITY – 7/10 – The stretching was intense and thorough.

CARDIO-VASCULAR – 9/10 – Highly demanding to maintain intensity in a long match.

MUSCULAR – 7/10 – The sheer number of exercises left my whole body aching.

Why I am a confirmed donkey-sceptic

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As I was returning home from the Spitfire modelling club the other Sunday I found my progress along the old Ottery lane was obstructed by a troop of plodding bottoms.

The local donkey sanctuary was out on a riding trip — the stupid beasts blocking the entire lane and slowing us down to a crawl. This sort of thing has been going on in my area for far too long now. The good people of Ottery are being taken for a ride by these smug do-gooding types.

I am not an aggressive person, but I decided that it was high time for me to have my say. I got out of my car and gave the trip leader a piece of my mind. An F-word laden reply later, I was told that I could “take my fat arse down to the sanctuary and talk to the manager if I had nothing better to do with my time.” I took this man at his word and proceeded directly there on foot. The manager looked rather alarmed by my banging on his door.

When that did not work, and I turned to attacking his window with a tree branch, he called in a burly security man who ejected me from the
premises. I am not the sort to get things out of proportion, but that kind of abuse of my basic rights as an Englishman really took the biscuit. First they override our ancient byelaws about not blocking roads, then they throw me off a piece of land I used to live on.

I was explaining to my friend Nigel down the pub how I actually sold my old flat in Little Ottery to the developers of the donkey park a few years ago. Nigel used to work at the golf club before it went bust, and now works part-time as a clerk at the sanctuary.

Some of the things he told me about what goes on there would make your eyes water. He spends more time filling out forms than actually working with the donkeys. He said if he was prime minister he would shut the whole gig down — they cause so much damage.

“Yes”, I said to him, “but we really should try to be less parochial about these things.” I am quite internationally minded myself. I holiday in the Costas every year. I like the climate and the culture. I can even order a beer in Spanish. I am thinking of changing that though come to think of it, the way the Germans steal all the deck chairs like they own the place — those instincts never seem to die. Anyway, that was what I told Nigel — be more broad-minded.

Then he dropped a bombshell. The local sanctuary is one of a huge network, it’s a sort of super-charity. There are branches all over the place. I checked it out later on the internet and he was quite right. There are donkey sanctuaries
doing this sort of damage everywhere, all following orders from faceless bureaucrats at head office.

The website says that “we give our sanctuaries broad scope to choose how they spend the vast majority of their own budgets in a federal structure.” Federal super-charity? No thank you, not in Little or Big Ottery. I had not realised just how many there were. It is staggering.

If you think of how many roads those donkey bottoms are blocking all over England, how many people they are holding up — it’s a complete scandal.
Don’t get me wrong. I like donkeys; I just hate the donkey sanctuaries. In fact, what’s really amazing is how long the liberal media have been pulling the wool over our eyes about how much damage they do. Think how much more
efficient the economy would be if all the traffic wasn’t held up by those donkey parties blocking all our roads. And those overpaid managers on the donkey sanctuary gravy train really need to go and do something more beneficial for society than whatever paperwork they do all day in the office — all sorts of health and safety nonsense I imagine.

That’s another reason they have started pressurising Nigel about
his job; he didn’t bother with one of the forms and then a child broke a few bones. His parents have been demanding compensation and help for his wheelchair costs and home help. Ridiculous.

That’s another thing these sanctuaries do, give the kids a sense of entitlement. The organisation really is despicable. It is an inefficient gravy train, it is taking away rights we have had for centuries, it is full of health and safety political correctness gone mad nonsense. It is holding back our economy and
helping the youths terrorise ordinary folk even more. Naturally, I felt it was my civic duty to draw attention to this monstrosity. I tried to start a campaign about it, but even the police are in cahoots with them now. After one particularly expressive altercation I was hauled up before the magistrate’s court and given an ASBO. Now I have to say inside, but though confined, I can still write this and spread the word. The truth will out!

Review: Crystal Fighters – Cave Rave

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Crystal Fighters’ debut album, Star of Love, was always going to be a hard act to follow. Luckily, they have not disappointed, producing the more lyrically-driven Cave Rave which maintains the Basque-folk and techno blend of the first album, whilst creating its own vibrant energy. It seems the natural progression from Star of Love; a more experimental venture into the music industry, with a more refined and coherent style. With a unique blend of Basque music and contemporary dance, their sound is unusual, but full of an earthy vibrancy that the mix creates.

Crystal Fighters wrote this new album during a two month retreat in their spiritual home in the Basque hills. This influence is apparent in much of the vocalisation, and in the use of local instruments such as the txalapartas. Where their first album was personal to their experiences and full of hope and new ideas, Cave Rave reflects on more universal concepts such as spirituality, humanity and belonging, especially evident in the track ‘Separator’. Though they have come a long way in conceptual lyrics, they’ve not lost the urgency and freshness that their sound has been well-loved for. Though it does lack the experimental excitement, it makes up for this in marrying the mix of genres previously explored for a definite style. There are places where the tracks have too similar a vibe and become almost repetitive, but this is not a problem throughout — tracks such as ‘Bridge of Bones’ have an entirely new feel.

Overall, this is set to be a fantastic summer album, with bright, atmospheric tracks. They have even announced plans for an actual Basque cave rave in Pamplona to celebrate the album’s release and upcoming tour.

Whilst not as striking as their debut, Crystal Fighter’s Cave Rave has none of the traits of a difficult second album, managing to maintain a fresh energy without harking back to their previous work too much. The album, produced by Grammy nominated Justin Meldal-Johnsen, drops on 27th May. Let the rave begin.

Track to download: ‘You & I’

Review: Daft Punk – Random Access Memories

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It’s been eight long years since the duo who pushed the boundaries of EDM last released a studio album. The scene now is not like the scene then – it has become formulaic and commercial. Random Access Memories is not formulaic, for all its inevitable commercial success. It refuses to do what we expect of a dance album – its instrumentation refuses to be tamed; its tone refuses to be consistent. The hype made me believe that this album would be defining. And after hearing it, I still do.

The variety will astound. The backbone, as always with Daft Punk, remains synth riffs, and they have produced some of the all-time greats. ‘Giorgio by Moroder’, a nod to their musical ancestors, is the only history lesson you will ever dance to. ‘Motherboard’ delves into realms of electro beyond dance. ‘Contact’ will shake you, crashing drums framed by throbbing synths, an album finale worthy of Justice’s best live work.

Nile Rodgers’ choppy guitar does not, as I thought it might, drive the album, but is instead scattered throughout the album’s funky off-beat. ‘Lose Yourself to Dance’ is a highlight for those out just to move their feet. The talent of Daft Punk is such, however, that this is not a set of songs aimed solely at dancing — ‘Within’ is a piano ballad crossed with a voice changer, ‘Beyond’ a grand symphony. ‘Instant Crush’ has it all, with Casablancas finding the vocal melody for a heartwrenching set of lyrics and a synth chorus to lift you to the stars.
But notice that I discuss these songs by style, not arrangement. It is a set of songs of stunning vision which at times feel disconnected from each other. The jarring and experimental ‘Touch’ sits between two of the liveliest dance tracks on the album for no apparent reason, for instance.

Difficulties of arrangement are perhaps the inevitable side effect of trying to compose an album as visionary as this. 70s guitars, an 80s producer, 90s voice changers, and an album to be idealised in the future.

Track to download: Things Will Change

Eurovision Style 2013

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Everyone loves Eurovision. Even if they pretend that they don’t. And this year’s contest was the stuff of fashion fairytales. Host Petra Mede stole the show in a series of glorious gowns, ranging from a hot pink satin Jean Paul Gaultier number with draped princess sleeves to what can only be described as a union of Marie Antoinette and ‘The Great Gatsby’, complete with ivory ruffles and feathers. Last year’s winner Loreen gave a rousing rendition of her song ‘Euphoria’ in a futuristic white dress with a daring sheer panel and a magnificent feather ruff which was later replaced with a dreamy, elaborately patterned cloak. Ukraine’s Zlata Ognevich, elegant in a cream fishtail gown, was at one point carried off by a man dressed as a giant Viking. And light projections onto Moldovan contestant Aliona Moon made her full skirt glitter as if it were under some sort of enchantment. At the end of the song she ‘grew’ taller and taller, Alice in Wonderland style, before the skirt was illuminated with flames of light. The spectacular sartorial showing was by no means limited to the women: Romania’s entry looked positively vampiric in a bejewelled black gown complete with high collar.

But, Eurovision being Eurovision, for every fashion high there were at least three fashion lows. Someone should have told the Armenian entrants that double denim – or at least their version of it – is so 1995. Cascada failed to impress in a Playboy-esque glittery halterneck bustier, miniskirt and what looked like a cheap wedding veil sticking out of her behind. Estonian contestant Birgit Õigemeel’s slender figure was drowned in what can only be described as a triangular tent; the hipster Hungarians tried way too hard to be cool, and failed. (Think skinny jeans, Converse, a beanie hat, nerd glasses and a single breasted jacket.) But at least the fashion disasters were entertaining, unlike the majority of decisively dull costumes.

Perhaps it wasn’t all that bad. But can we sartorialists help but drool in admiration at those who got it right and sneer derisively at those who didn’t quite make the mark? Bring on Denmark 2014. 

 

THE GALLERY

Fashion hits:

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Ukraine

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Last year’s winner Loreen 

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Moldova

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Romania

 

Fashion misses:

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Germany

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Armenia

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Finland 

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Hungary

 

 

Sidewalk Safari

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MODEL Alice Sandelson
PHOTOGRAPHER & STYLIST Tamison O’Connor

BEAUTY CORNER – Your Skincare Routine

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Cleanser
A good cleanser is the absolute cornerstone of any skincare regime: it gets rid of make up and grimy build-up from the day, and some also exfoliate dead and flaky skin.  My personal hero product is Liz Earle’s Hot Cloth Cleanse and Polish.  The routine is simple: apply it onto a dry face twice a day and wash off with a face towel dampened with warm water.  I have also heard good things about Dr Manuka ApiClear foaming cleanser, available from Holland and Barrett’s, which contains bee venom, the latest ‘miracle’ ingredient that fools your skin into producing more regenerative cells (apparently).

Serum 
I’ve always been rather skeptical about serums, partly because most seem to be targeted at those with aging or exceptionally dry skin.  The only ones I’ve found to have made a noticeable impact on my skin are by Crème de la Mer and SkinCeuticals, but both have also made a noticeable impact on my bank balance!

Moisturiser
Even if you have oily skin, moisturiser is absolutely imperative for helping your skin keep smooth and hydrated, of particular concern in this weather, when changing quickly from harsh winds outside to warmer temperatures indoors.  For these, stick to big brands that can afford to keep products cheap, and still invest lots in their development.  I highly recommend the all-purpose Nivea Soft, which also stocks an oil-free version.  A recent discovery has been Waitrose Baby Bottom Butter, which is wonderfully rich, but didn’t cause any break-outs.  For those looking to splurge, Clarins’ Hydraquench range is fantastic: hugely moisturising and with a choice for every skin type.

Night Cream 
Night cream makes waking up every morning a treat, as you find your skin baby-soft.  Choose one that smells nice and let it waft over you as you go to sleep.  Dr Organic from Holland and Barrett’s stocks a good selection of different versions.  Ren Skincare does a blissfully silky Frankincense Revitalising Night Cream that also smells divine.  After removing all the day’s grease and build-up, there’s something very satisfying about slathering your face with lashings of luscious, softening cream.

Face Mask
I’ve got to admit, this isn’t something that I have the patience for every week.  There’s nothing like a face mask for lifting the spirits in a procrastination/pamper sesh, though.  My favourites are Ren’s Glycolactic Radiance Renewal Mask and Elemis’ Papaya Enzyme Peel.  Papaya is a fruit known for its skin-repair properties…

Small but Potent Products
Indeed, pawpaw ointment is something of a cult product backstage at fashion week.  Its healing and moisturising properties make it a multi-tasker, acting as a lip balm, insect bite/eczema-reliever, and great spot-specific moisturiser.  The traditional version is Lucas’ Pawpaw Ointment, but its high petroleum content crosses it off my list.  The ones to go for are by Phytocare and Suvana Beauty, both entirely natural and of good consistencies.  My second cult product is Mario Badescu’s Drying Lotion; only a tiny amount is needed, but when put on almost all spots, they dry up and clear away overnight.

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CNB Video Report: Corpus Tortoise Fair 2013

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The annual Corpus Tortoise fair drew a large crowd to the college’s gardens, which featured live music and sumo fighting among a number of attractions. 

The now traditional Corpus tortoise race was the main event of the day, with the college’s tortoise “Foxe” speeding his way to the lettuce-adorned finish line, urged on by an enthusiatic home crowd. 

Interview with the Revue – Desperate Liaisons

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The Oxford Revue, composed of Emily Honey, David Meredith, Will Truefitt, Alex Fox, Rachel Watkeys-Dowie and George Mather, and directed by Barney Iley, are back with a bang this week with a show at the Keble O’Reilly which promises to be their “best one ever”.

Their show with the Cambridge Footlights and Durham Revue in 2nd Week at the Playhouse went swimmingly, with Will telling me they “yoked all the groups together in a much more coherent way” than previous shows. “A lot of that was down to Barney’s vision”. It was “tricky” because the Oxford Playhouse is geared towards everything except sketch comedy.

Their 6th week show is “all new material, mixed in with comedy acts from around Oxford.” The first act will be a different performer every night, handpicked by the Revue from numerous auditionees. The Revue is subsidizing them to go the Edinburgh Free Fringe (“the Fringe of the Fringe”, as Iley puts it) this summer. Their aim is to “turn the O’Reilly, which is usually a very cold theatrical space, into a comedy club for a week.” The show is providing the sketch acts with an opportunity for press releases and audience reactions before they go to the Free Fringe. The Free Fringe is “really avant-garde”, with pub venues, and an ideal place for new sketch shows to test their comedy, with a view to developing more student comedy within Oxford and beyond, and valuing these independent groups’ work.

This is the Revue’s challenge – it’s “more achievable with the O’Reilly than the Playhouse; making it an evening where people sit at tables, where we serve drinks.”

Something is on the rise in student comedy – “from our perspective it definitely is”. The Oxford Revue is facilitating and nurturing comedy around the university as well as maintaining a sense of difference.

Iley says it’s “not an uncontroversial stance that the Revue takes” – this stance being that comedy needs to constantly grow and groups must feed into each other rather than being separate and competitive. “People think there’s a strange monopoly on comedy”, says Fox. The Revue’s project hopes to change this kind of thinking.

Their “deepest darkest secret” is that the material written for this show was written during a Revue getaway – they “felt privileged to be able to be in an environment where [they] could focus solely on the creative aspects of the Revue.” This is their first getaway and the Keble show will be the fruits of this week-long creative labour. Alex Fox adds “some would say we went stir-crazy and started to hate each other.” Hopefully this enmity will translate into dynamism on stage.

The Revue also promise “top-notch booze” at the Desperate Liaisons show next week. It starts at 9pm, you can have drinks with friends and “even if you’re in the middle of finals it’s not a hugely emotional weight, it’s a light-hearted show.” Fox assures me that “you can heckle as much as you like”. The table set-up at the O’Reilly opens the way for much more interactive comedy – Iley tells me they’re “trying to make the O’Reilly cosy.”

I ask them if they fit into specific stereotyped roles built up throughout the year. I am told Watkeys-Dowie generally plays the “hairy” roles, Honey plays the “surreal and terrifying” roles, but generally they are quite versatile.

The O’Reilly comedy club ‘Desperate Liaisons’ show not only promises to be hilarious, but also is the start of something new for Oxford student comedy – a collaborative effort to put original comedy shows on a new pedestal, in the university and in Edinburgh.