Mysterious object found in Christ Church’s popular potato croquettes threatens to overturn their current status as one of the more popular carbs on the menu. 
The crisp and crunchy exterior, with the soft, soothing potato inside seems like the perfect recipe.  A student, however, found an unusual surprise lurking at the bottom of her final croquette. 
After much prodding, poking, passing around, and even an attempt to pierce, the stubborn substance stayed resolutely whole and intact. Few were brave to venture a taste of the object, but it has been confirmed by most students that it had a ‘rubbery’ texture, and a yellow-white colour. The catering staff were informed, but seemed rather disinterested, and declined to comment further on the matter.  
After all, it’s not the first time for unusual items to appear in Christ Church food. One student found a small black hair on Wednesday at the bottom of the vegetable selection. Several were also confused by the presence of strawberry jam with Wednesday’s pork chops- surely a poor attempt for a redcurrant jelly substitute? But the matter was quickly resolved when the scones and cream appeared at dessert.  
Nonetheless, students have been urging each other to examine their meals intently in the future. Who knows what might next crop up?by Sam Harding 

There will be no bridge jumping on May 1st. Oxford City Council have decided yet again to close Magdalen Bridge on May Morning to stop students from jumping into the River Cherwell. This year will mark the bridge’s third closure in a row.

May Morning is an annual event held on the first day of May, which begins at 6 am with the Magdalen College Choir singing the Hymnus Euchariticus from the top of the Magdalen Tower.

The 500-year traditional gathering draws an estimated 10,000 listeners, including students who come to enjoy the general festivities and party atmosphere following the hymn.

The event involves another tradition of students jumping off the bridge into the potentially shallow water. In 2005, 12 of the 40 student jumpers were taken to the hospital, resulting in the city authorities’ three-year multi-agency agreement to close the bridge.

The Oxford Mail reported last year that the Oxford City Council’s east parliament has been lobbying for the bridge to open once again despite the council’s possible pull-out due to a funding crisis.

However, council emergency planner John Kelly and Oxford police chief Supt Brendan O’Dowda said the bridge will be closed once again between 3 am and 9 am.

“Last year the event passed off without incident and I think it is likely that the event will be managed in the same way as it was last year,” said Supt O’Dowda.

Iffley Fields council disagrees with the plan. “The prohibition made more people jump in after it reopened. I think it is a ridiculous situation and city councillors have not been involved in any of the process,” said Elise Benjamin, an Iffley Fields councillor.

She instead proposes opening the nearby meadow off St Clements to relieve pressure. “The cost of opening the meadow is probably far lower than the amount contributed to closing the bridge.”

The Return of the Solider may seem an odd choice for this series of reviews. It is not an archetypal ‘great novel’. According to the critic and author Samuel Hynes, although it is a ‘small masterpiece’ it ‘comes too close to being merely a woman’s novel’, allegedly even to the extent of undermining Rebecca West’s radical feminist views. Yet the apparently precipitous nature of the exploration of the experiences and psychology of women during World War One is the reason for its appeal, at least for this reader. The novel is never as straightforward as it superficially appears; indeed, one might ask what a ‘woman’s novel’ would be anyway. The psychology of the shell-shocked soldier of the title is largely ignored, true, but instead the focus is more universal: an attempt by West to identify the impact of social conventions on a person’s desires, self-perception and honesty.
We are introduced by the narrator Jenny to the setting of an isolated pocket of idyllic England during 1916: ‘Disregarding the national interest and everything except the keen prehensile gesture of our hearts towards him, I wanted to snatch my cousin Christopher from the wars and seal him in this green pleasantness.’ This desire, although understandable, uses violently possessive lexis, in a typical, unconscious moment of irony. Even more ironic is the fulfilment of this desire, the first ‘return of the soldier’ occurring under the unwelcome auspices of mental problems arising from repression. We realise that Chris’s selective memory is a universal phenomenon; social conventions forcing affluent women into a ‘pretence that by wearing costly clothes and organising a costly life’ they are emotionally fulfilled. All the characters are entrapped, and therefore readers are even encouraged to sympathise with Chris’s wife, Kitty, a vainglorious and selfish woman, forced into a role of ‘controlled beauty’. Similarly, the honesty with which Jenny admits she was ‘physically so jealous’ of Chris’s old love, Margaret, ‘that it was making me ill’, is perhaps not impressive of itself, but when, by the end of the novel, she never explicitly admits her love for him, this is astonishingly realistic.
Part of the novel’s literary brilliance derives from its varying but consistently illuminating tone. The Return of the Soldier forces its audience into active reading, and out of apathy; gaps in meaning arise everywhere in what is told to the reader and what is never said. Within such an intimate psychological study, there are also depictions of scenes both lyrical and coarse in occasions of obviously moralistic passages, in which West’s political agenda emerges. There are ‘a score of houses, each hideous with patches of bare bricks…A slut sits at the door of a filthy cottage’ in Margaret’s working class district, which is explicitly shunned by Jenny, whereas her home is a scene filled with innocent vitality: ‘sunlight pouring through the tall arched windows and the flowered curtains so brightly…[light] lying in great pools on the floor…it threw dancing beams’. Nonetheless, these do not undermine the fundamental complexity and innovative style of the text, which for me make it a ‘great novel’.
by Leanne Price

As nice as it is to hear some fresh female vocals and great harmony in the chorus, this single left something to be desired.To be fair, the song flows very succinctly from chorus to verse to middle eight to chorus… But that’s just the problem. It just moves around a bit with the occasional moment of interest where the same guitar riff is repeated or slightly extended. Where’s the tension and release? Where’s the excitement?‘Darling’ is kind of catchy I suppose. Well, I tap my foot to it – not much else though. I don’t think I could remember a single lyric if I tried.Also on the single are two remixes. The Jape Remix of Darling massacres the song, taking away all its drive, and going bass-crazy, something which really doesn’t suit the light indie sound Sons & Daughters seem to do well.The Whip Remix of ‘Killer’ is more down my street, packed with minimalist electro beats, which are just plain good for dancing round your room to.‘Darling’ is definitely a grower, and is by no means a poor song, but I can’t help but feel something is missing. Where, oh where, is the variety?By Daniel Millichip, Deputy Editor, Cherwell24

‘Ready for the Floor’ is the first single from Hot Chip’s forthcoming album ‘Made in the Dark’. The typical fusion of pop, soulful lyrics and a quasi-electro background is displayed once again here. However, the song oozes light, bouncy and wispy sounds, which create a slightly insubstantial feeling. It certainly doesn’t have the same initial fullness and grab that ‘Over and Over’ so successfully achieved.
‘Ready for the Floor’ is a compilation of smooth, repetitive lyrics, retro light electro ‘twiddles’, pop background chords and a gentle beat. An instrumental version on the single adds nothing new, merely removing the best bit: the lyrics. Hardly anything revolutionary or instantaneously exciting, it certainly would not make me jump up ‘ready for the dance floor’.
Nevertheless, listening to the song again and again (perhaps ‘Over and Over’ is a more suitable title here) the fusion of seemingly incompatible, but individually conventional sounds makes you curiously addicted. Initially lacklustre, this song gradually transforms into something quite innovative.
It is difficult to discern what genre Hot Chip really fit into, and once again they have proved their individuality. So does ‘Ready for the Floor’ live up to Hot Chip’s previous success? Yes. But only just.
By Catherine Molony

Avid Records, Oxford’s last remaining vinyl record store, has been forced to close due to a large rent demand from Oxford City Council.
The store has been a popular haunt with music lovers, and has been especially popular with students, for over two decades.
The store was due to close in 2006 after it was hit with a backdated bill for £21,000. The owners were about to sell the lease and relocate to Bournemouth when the buyer pulled out, and fans have been able to continue to buy records, until now.
One first year student at University College told Cherwell24 that it was a “shame”, as he had spent “many an hour” browsing Avid’s vast collections. He lamented the increase in illegally downloaded music via the internet and cited that as the reason why establishments like Avid are becoming all the rarer.
However, it is not just students who will feel the loss of Avid Records. Liberal Democrat City Councillor, Patrick Murray, 27, has been visiting the shop for thirteen years and spoke to the Oxford Mail of his sadness at its closure.
"It's such a shame that Avid has closed – it's been a real Oxford institution since I was a teenager and was my favourite shop.
"The council is duty-bound to try to achieve the market rent for its properties, but we don't want a situation where small traders who add character to the city are driven out because they are being asked for years of backdated rent.”
"I suppose times change and now if people want to buy vinyl, they will have to buy it over the Internet," he said.

Friday's German parliamentary forum on anti-semitism was clearly too boring for some.Hat tip: Die Achse des Guten PS The ruling CDU won by about 0.1% is Hesse tonight but lost their overall majority, while the far-left Die Linke did well in two states. More tomorrow. Cherwell 24 is not responsible for the content of external links

St John's 5 – 0 Merton/Mansfield

St John’s hopes of a Hilary Term surge on the promotion places was given a real boost on Thursday, with a 5-0 win over joint leaders Merton/Mansfield.  A hat-trick from top scorer Matt Evans-Young, plus one each for strike partnership Joel Gregory and James Earle, gave a victory which throws open the competition to be playing First Division football in 2008/09.

The visitors went into the match joint with University College on nineteen points, well clear of mid table St John’s.  Merton/Mansfield fielded an archetypal little and large partnership up front.  The towering David Wilkinson was perfectly complemented by the waspish Robbie Coleman.  In combination, they were a genuine threat to the John’s goal.  Only three minutes in, a free kick aimed at Wilkinson’s head sailed over everyone – including goalkeeper Alex Berend – to hit the bar. 

It was the home side, however, which took the lead after only ten minutes.  A through-ball was headed on by Gregory, finding Evans-Young’s perfectly timed run from midfield.  The prolific left winger placed the ball over the onrushing Reuben Holt to put St. John’s into an early lead. 

As the hosts grew in confidence they made more chances: the two James, Earle and Bell both found Holt from close in.  At the other end, Wilkinson came off worse in a nasty clash of heads.  He was able to continue, having received treatment, but the point of Merton/Mansfield’s attacking football had been blunted.

With only seven minutes of the first half remaining, St John’s doubled their lead.  Gregory, with his back to goal, was kicked by a defender.  It was an unnecessary foul, and was punished as Gregory left Holt rooted to the spot. 

A confident John’s team scored their third nine minutes into the second half.  Jamie Bell played the ball through to Evans-Young, characteristically breaking from out wide into the penalty area.  Having taken the ball on his chest, he placed the ball into the bottom corner with his right foot.  Merton’s unlucky afternoon continued as two players had to leave with injuries early in the second half.  As Wilkinson moved back into midfield, Coleman was isolated with no target man to play off. 

What Merton/Mansfield did not need was an unforced error.  But on the hour mark, Joe Pickles’ stumble gifted possession to James Earle.  Playing in the trequartista role, he dominated John’s attacks – outmuscling defenders and distributing the ball intelligently.  It was fitting that he capitalised on Pickles’ error to reward his performance with a goal.

Through no fault of their own, the visitors were down to ten men.  But they continued to compete, and nearly pulled one back when Matt Morris drove the ball narrowly wide of Berend’s right-hand post.  Another substitute – albeit one for the home side – Dave Ellis, almost scored with his first touch: a diving header from a pinpoint Gregory cross flew just over.

Thirteen minutes from time, Evans-Young grabbed his hat-trick.  Yet another run into the box, as well timed as a Michael Vaughan cover drive, led to him heading a loose ball over Holt.  Breaking into the box like Frank Lampard, Merton/Mansfield never managed to pick him up and were punished three times.  With two minutes to go, another of St John’s outstanding performers, James Earle, hit the bar with a long range freekick.  Six nil would not have been too unfair a reflection on an impressive performance by St John’s.

4/5 Damn the cold and blasted weather! Liven your spirits with this week’s fantastically indulgent romp down at the Oxford Playhouse. Sheridan’s eighteenth Century Restoration Comedy is brought forward to the decadent, post-war scene of the 1920s. Admittedly, the production is steeped in so much stereotype (complete with women flopping their wrists, clutching tumblers of slow gin, and listening to scratchy gramophone records) you half expect a fast-talking character, wearing a pinstripe suit and spanking new spats, to waltz on. But, it is precisely all this cliché that gives Chanya Button’s version such resonance: the overtly superficial style only helps to emphasise the shallow nature of the characters.Teetering on the brink of exhaustive melodrama, the actors do a tremendous job of giving poised performances, while still enjoying Sheridan’s exaggerated characterisation. With the spoiled naivety of Lydia (Charlotte Bayley) and hopeless sincerity of Julia (Emma Pearce), wonderfully paralleled by the dapper Jack Absolute (Patrick Netherton) and nervously obsessive Faulkland (Tom Palmer), there is a predictably turbulent four-way love game between the younger characters. Meanwhile, the famous Mrs. Malaprop (played by a boisterous Natasha Kirk) verbally stumbles through the play, flirting with both Sir Anthony Absolute (Matt Lacey) and Sir Lucius O Trigger (Shaun Passey). Unbeknown to these upper class knit-wits, are the conniving methods of the secretly omniscient maid of Mrs. Malaprop, Lucy (Cecily Motley), and Jack Absolute’s butler, Fag (Leo-Marcus Wan). Finally, a chaotic farce of love and misunderstanding would not be complete without the pitiable everyman with whom the audience regretfully must identify, pottering awkwardly around in the form of Acres (Peter Clapp).Such an able set of cast members, all playing strongly-defined characters, risk battling each other for the lime light. None, however, are guilty of such a fault. Every characteristic, from the acute to the explicit – from the clammy smugness of Fag to the unscrupulous disorder of Mrs. Malaprop’s speech – is brought to the fore. The biggest laughs seem to be raised by Kirk’s wonderfully delivered malapropisms, including phrases such as “anticipate the past” or “explode the matter”, but the other performances are too slick for her to steal the show.Indeed, ‘slick’ is the production’s definition, save the rather clumsy scene changes (during which we see a single character in the spot light, ironically looking uncomfortable as the black-shirted stage hands scuffle about the darkened stage). Things would have also been helped by a shorter running time, as the fast-paced nature of the setting somewhat jars with Sheridan’s exposition-heavy script: rather than speed it up, it merely proves to expose it for all its slow indulgence. Don’t count on having a last drink at the pub, but prepare to be carried away by completely hackneyed tomfoolery. You’ll be yearning to conjure up a swing band and let that muted trumpet blow your winter blues away! 2:30pm Sat
7:30pm Thurs/Sat
8:00pm Friday
Oxford Playhouse: Run ends on Saturday January 26thReview by Frankie Parham