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Rich colleges enjoy more academic success

Students at richer Oxford colleges are more likely to succeed academically than those at poorer colleges, Cherwell can reveal this week. Cherwell’s findings show that there is a positive correlation between college wealth and academic success, as measured by the Norrington table. The top four places in the Norrington table are taken by colleges which each have an endowment of over £100 million while the bottom three have endowments of under £30 million. St John’s is Oxford’s richest College and has an endowment of £331,575,000 and ranks an average of 3rd in the Norrington Table.

Marta Szczerba, a third year student from St John’s, explained why she thought St John’s wealth translated into academic success. Szczerba said, “The correlation between academic performance and wealth of the college can be explained in two ways. Firstly, higher-ability students are attracted to St John’s College, as they know of the extensive college financial support and wonderful facilities. Secondly, the grants, new gym, subsidised hall and generous JCR provisions ensure that students are happier, translating into less welfare problems and higher academic attainment.”

The College gives £270 in book grants to each undergraduate student every year and offers a ‘College Society Asia Travel Scholarship’ that pays for a month-long all expenses paid trip around Asia to one student per year. Faise McClelland, this year’s Asia Travel Scholar, reported that, “College paid for me to travel to Hong Kong, Malaysia, Singapore and Thailand and arranged for me to stay with high profile alumni.” “I feel it really helped me engage with some of the issues I’d addressed whilst studying economics.”

Another student added, “John’s wealth allows it to employ a high number of fellows and tutors that promote a strong academic environment. It also allows it to support students through a generous academic grant.” “There is already a scheme whereby some of the richer college pay into a fund which gets redistributed. John’s pay a large amount into this scheme.”

Regent’s Park, a Permament Private Hall without an endowment, does not appear on the Norrington Table. JCR President, James Fox, disagreed that college wealth was a cause of academic success. He said, “Regent’s teaching does not suffer at all (from a lack of endowment)£ If it does have an impact, it is merely on such luxuries as book and travel grants, but never to the detriment of core tutorial teaching.”

These huge disparities in wealth have lead some students to suggest that poorer colleges are unable to spend the money needed to attract the very brightest students. Adrian Hogan, a second year Geography student at Christ Church, said, “I guess some colleges have more of a reputation for academic performance, so consistently get hard working students applying to them. It becomes self reinforcing.” Brasenose College JCR President, Paul Gladwell, also agreed that brighter students would be attracted to colleges who could spend more money on admissions.

Magdalen College came top in the 2010 Norrington table, and has an endowment of almost £140 million. Andy James, a third year Law student at the College, claimed that the college’s wealth filtered through into many aspects of college life. “It certainly helps having a 120 000 book library and the beautiful surroundings of Magdalen.” “However, we work very hard, and I don’t think our academic success should be attributed to the college’s wealth.” Worcester College, which is the most academically successful given its wealth, averaged 16th on the Norrington table, despite having the third smallest endowment.

Julien Anai-Isaac, Worcester College JCR President, said, “I think that there is a good working ethos which is fostered by the community feel. This allows the College to do as well as it does. Worcester provides accommodation for almost all of its undergraduates which only adds to this. ” Anai-Isaac also claimed that a good college environment can count for more in terms of academic achievement, than wealth.

The study revealed that neither a 24 hour library nor a generous book grant has any apparent impact on a college’s Norrington Score. The amount taken off battels for academic scholarships or the cost of accommodation per term do not either. Jonathan Hinder, JCR President for Merton, suggested that the emphasis should be on the link between academic success and welfare provision, rather that overall wealth. He said, “I am not in a position to comment on any link between wealth and performance, but I believe welfare provision and academic excellence to be very much related.” “I don’t think it is any coincidence that two of the best-performing colleges over recent years, Merton and St John’s, have two of the best welfare systems in Oxford.”

Students have expressed their concern that the disparities in colleges’ wealth could create a two tier system. Kirsten Macfarlane, an English student at Lincoln said, “It worries me that the richest colleges are continually out-performing the poorest colleges.” “At Lincoln we receive a grant of up to £80 for books, which for an English student isn’t a lot, whereas at St John’s all students are given over £200.” When asked about why wealthier colleges outperformed their poorer peers academically the University declined to comment.

Why humanity needs the humanities

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There’s been a torrent of news over the past few weeks concerning the allotment of funding for the humanities at universities on both sides of the Atlantic. While budget cuts are certainly at the front of students’ minds in Britain, financial hardship forcing the State University of New York at Albany to eliminate its French department alongside programs in Italian, Latin, classics, and theatre sparked outcry in the United States over the supposedly imminent death of humanities.
In today’s world, with pushes for technological progress seeming to override all other concerns, the hard sciences are considered good investments, with the majority of humanities subjects correspondingly brushed aside as subjects that only those with extra time or money can afford to spend their days absorbed in. Why pore over literature or immerse oneself in a foreign language, when if you’re going to become a computer scientist, you’ll just be able to use an automatic translator or read someone else’s summary on the internet? Has it never occurred to people who spout this sort of argument that it might be nice to form one’s own opinions about these subjects?
Those who contend that the study of history is useless would do well to heed the oft-repeated warning that history tends to repeat itself. Winston Churchill famously said that democracy is the worst form of government – except, of course, for all the others that have been tried. It’s all well and good to argue that of course the enlightened world knows that democracy is good, but if we stop teaching history to children, eventually no one’s going to remember that all sorts of utopian experiments ultimately failed, and our mechanically-taught descendants are going to fall into traps whose cycles have at this time been hampered because of our recognition of historical patterns.
But to sacrifice a humanities education would be to the detriment not only of the United States or of Britain, but to the world at large. The ability to reel off the elements of the periodic table on demand, or solve complex abstract equations, is certainly necessary to some careers and may even be an increasingly useful type of skill. However, learning these skills in a vacuum would produce a world full of scientists who cannot carry on a conversation about anything outside their specialty, who have trouble relating to others and are unable to think in cross-cultural contexts. To avoid this, continued study of the humanities is essential.

Not quite so straight forward

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For a city that’s supposedly full of young, liberal and intelligent people, there is an awful lot of casual bigotry in Oxford. Oxford is the ninth gayest city in the UK – perhaps this is true in terms of population percentages, but not in terms of a ‘scene’. Admittedly it is a million times better than my one-horse home town in North Yorkshire where the gay scene comprised of myself and my then girlfriend, but for a city this large (and this LGBT) you’d expect more than a collection of one specified club night, two pubs and one actual club.

Despite Oxford being generally liberal and open-minded, it’s often seen as acceptable to ask trans people the condition of their genitalia (even in the gay community), to refuse to acknowledge the existence of bisexuality or to invade people’s relationships with foolish questions. By all means, I love people asking for advice on how to be tactful in dealing with their newly out friend, or questioning what the Q stands for in LGBTQ (that would be Queer or Questioning) or even wanting to know what is encompassed by the enigmatic term “Trans”. But why, seriously why, would you ask how lesbians have sex?
Sure, I can understand the mystery locked within a same-sex relationship, especially if you haven’t met many gay people before, but I wouldn’t ask a perfect stranger to describe their bedroom dynamic. The answer I would most like to give is probably to insult the sex life of the person asking by claiming that however we do it, it’s better than theirs. What I actually say is something like “the same as a straight couple” which seems to confuse the asker more. Once I was told that I would remain a virgin as long as I remained a lesbian because lesbian sex doesn’t count. This entirely depends on your definition of sex, I grant you, but it still rattles my cage.

Another pain in the neck is the frequent “Which one of you is the man?” Neither. This question seems especially pointed when one party has short hair (as I do). Although many straight- and feminine- girls have short hair, as I am gay, my short hair obviously indicates that I see myself as the man in the relationship. The fact that a lesbian is a woman attracted to other women is enough to tell you that no men are involved.

This leads me to the third ridiculous request from men; that you and your partner will have a threesome with them. My girlfriend and I once experienced this in Clems where two guys shouted “THREESOME” at us. I couldn’t tell if the problem was that neither of them could count (as I suspect) or that I had misunderstood what exact configuration of three people they were wanting. I see the vague logic in the idea of a threesome; some women are bisexual and so might actually be attracted to the man asking as well as to their girlfriend. However, even if someone is bisexual, what are the chances that they also have an open relationship in which they accept offers of sex from men they’ve never met? This huge assumption that all bisexuals are either confused or just promiscuous is extremely misguided.

These question quibbles are not Oxford-specific but this is the place where I have experienced them. In terms of being out in Oxford, until recently I would say that I’m lucky to live in such a welcoming community. After recent hate crimes and physical violence towards out gay men I do worry that people aren’t taking homophobia and transphobia seriously. Massive steps have been made to eradicate homophobia and to protect the rights of the LGBT community, but when LGBT people are still at risk of violence and ignorance, there’s still more that needs to be done. Violence is an extreme form of discrimination against the community but ignorant comments can be equally damaging.

I saw recently the word ‘gay’ being used in connection with being “anti-lad”. Does this mean that being gay is the opposite of being a “lad”? To be gay should not mean that you are seen as inferior. “That’s so gay” also causes problems. The phrase not only assumes that being gay is something which can be likened to being rubbish or stupid, but is also used so frequently that people have begun to ignore the connotations that are still hurtful. It’s all very well to say that we have equal rights, but when the word describing a person’s sexuality, and part of their identity, is used to say that a film was particularly shit, I think a lesson is still to be learnt.

Saying this, I have found the experience of being out in Oxford a pleasant one. I was originally my own secret homophobe who gave funny looks to the LGBTsoc stall at Freshers’ Fair and asked the LGBTQ rep to stay away from me in public. Within a few months I was husting for a position on the LGBTsoc committee and telling anyone who would listen – including the Principal of St. Hilda’s – how proud I was to be gay. There’s something extremely liberating about accepting yourself and forcing others to accept it too.

Intoxficated

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‘There’s nought so much the spirit calms as rum and true religion.’ Byron.

This week we’re talking about what is perhaps my favourite of the spirits, Rum. I should declare an interest: I live in the Caribbean, where it pretty much is the only thing drunk. I drink it, when at home on the verandah, like a whisky or brandy – aged and in a balloon glass, or alternatively if ‘liming’ (Trinidadian slang for ‘hanging out’) with soda or coconut water. Rum and Soda is the classic: it’s invigorating and energetic, and cuts straight through the heat of the tropical sun. Note that I’m talking about gold rum here, Mount Gay being the most commercially available example. White rums like Bacardi are too sweet and have little flavour. Dark or ‘navy’ rum is so disgusting that it beggars belief – it’s like drinking tar with added caramel and Tabasco. No, what I’m talking about, and what all rum aficionados are talking about when they mention rum is gold rum, and the aged stuff at that.

This article got me feeling slightly homesick, so I went down to the Grog Shop, a Jericho landmark. They had a selection of about six rums, all about the £15 mark and, as I write this, I’m sipping away at some Mount Gay ‘Eclipse.’ I’m a little disappointed actually: it’s very smooth but a little insipid. Of course, it’s their basic range (I’d recommend Mount Gay XO) and goes wonderfully with club soda, but it doesn’t have the depths, complexity or the lingering languidness of a first class rum. That’s what I’m hoping people will get from this. I’m hoping people will see a good aged rum as a match to a fine single malt or X.O. cognac. It’s much cheaper too. Our standard, everyday brands at home are the Guatemalan Ron Zacapa 15 year old, the Guyanese El Dorado 15 year old, and the Jamaican 21 year old Appleton Estate. The latter two should be fairly available at a good off-license, so please do keep your eyes peeled – you’re in for a treat.

Creaming Spires

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So, anal sex. The ‘apotheosis’ of intercourse, according to Russell Brand. The thing that your boyfriend wants more than a First in Physics. But why? What is the enduring appeal for men to travel up the dirt track, if you’ll pardon the expression? Girls have a less favourable relationship towards it, I find. If you ask a group of girls at hall tonight whether they enjoy it in the annus horriblis I would bet you that, they’ll look at you with apparent unmitigated disgust, probably leaving their Black Forest Gateau untouched, and profess complete horror. This is understandable. When my friend succumbed to the tabooed temptation, her boyfriend filmed it and showed everyone in sixth form.

Now, I think we can all agree, no one wants their bum hole on film, no matter what’s going into it. Myself? I have something of an ambivalent relationship with the Nastiest of the Nasty, something akin to the Freudian ‘uncanny’, you could say, an attraction and a repulsion, a cognitive dissonance, in that I feel in my heart that essentially it is a bit gross – it is, after all is said and done, your ‘poo shoot’ as my ex boyfriend charmingly referred to it – yet it is this very taboo that makes me, at the end of a night out, quite want to do it. Oh dear. Perhaps this is a massive overshare, even for an ‘anonymous’ column (or it would be anonymous if the boyf didn’t keep telling everyone).

A friend came to visit recently, and she admitted that, for her, the bum holio is a one way street. Fair enough, you’d think. But no. I drunkenly insisted on encouraging her to try the wonders of the hallowed poo shoot, but to use ‘a lot of lube, because only a fool goes to brown town without it’. Cringe. Incidentally, though, I would also advise first-timers to be drunk, otherwise the physical reality may dawn on you mid-act, and the last thing you want is to be tense. You know what I mean.

I bet there’s far more tabooed activity going on in Oxbridge than any other university. When you’re working to the best of your ability, the pride and joy of your parents at home, while balancing multiple social and extracurricular activities (and probably a bit of volunteering) you want to do something a bit, well, nasty. And sometimes a calorie overload at Hassans just doesn’t cut it. Though I wouldn’t indulge in the Nastiest Nasty after a Hassan’s unless you wash your own sheets, I can otherwise only imagine the dystopian nightmare that your unwitting scout would confront as she pulled back your regulation orange duvet. Now that is nasty.

But anyway, give it a go. See if it shakes those essay blues (insert something ‘browns’ joke here). My friend texted me this morning, ‘Were going to do bum last night but got too drunk and fell asleep’. Rookie error.

Hips don’t lie

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The psychological and physical cabinet of curiosities that is Desmond Morris (both his mind and home) was to greet me last Thursday. I was somewhat apprehensive about interviewing what one could happily refer to as the world expert on body language, for obvious reasons. Yet within ten minutes of meeting Desmond Morris, his bubbling enthusiasm, wit and joie de vivre had dissolved any such paranoid notions. His memory is an overpopulated stage of actors and scenes from a fascinating life, his house a venerable melting pot in which is condensed an extravaganza of books and paintings (many being his own creations), oozing exotic artefacts from every pore – with even more exotic stories behind them. Even when seated, I realised the world of Desmond Morris is never stationary – our discussion was continually punctuated by lively demonstrations of the gestures he described.

The juxtaposition of such a diverse collection of objects and facts in Morris’ house and mind reflects his original background as a Surrealist artist. As a member of the British surrealist movement, he exhibited from very early on in his professional life, sharing his first London exhibition with Joan Miro. Through an unfortunate case of bad timing, surrealism was effectively ‘shut down’ in this country, and it dawned on him that his living would have to come from another means. He thus pursued his other love (that of animals) through a successful career as a scientist. Yet he never stopped painting. He still produces vast quantities of work, has written a surrealist manifesto ‘just for fun’, and last year sold his ‘Magnum Opus’ in London – a triptych with the dimensions of Bosch’s Garden Of Early Delights, where all his surreal biomorphic figures come together for a grand ‘gathering.’

Near the end of his popular television series in the 50s (‘Zoo time’), having mastered the self-admittedly contradictory art of ‘simplification without distortion’, he became something of a public figure and moved increasingly towards the study of the human animal, publishing the controversial book ‘The Naked Ape’. Morris removed the blinkers cast over our eyes by habit, using his highly developed skills of zoological observation to observe and analyse the human species, with spectacular results. The book was a rip-roaring success and became an international best-seller (selling upwards of 10 million copies and translated into 23 languages) that was to change our paradigm of human life as we know it.

Having accomplished fame, travel was next on the list. Persuaded to ‘see more of the world’ by his wife and friends, the Morris Odyssey began. He has now exceeded his childhood aim of visiting 100 countries, which started with a journey around 30 to create a global ‘gesture map,’ revealing fascinating links between gestures and cultural history. Not that body language isn’t subject to modification – he recounts the history of the ‘Aloha’ greeting he received (a sort of sideways ‘phone’ hand signal ‘waggled at you’) upon reaching Hawaii. Its origin was something of a mystery. It turns out to have been adopted by the Hawaiians from the ‘let’s get a drink’ sign they observed from Spanish sailors as this imitated pouring a bottle of drink into their mouths. Mistranslations in gestures are not always so happily received – he discovered that in Germany the ‘crazy’ signal of circling a finger next to one’s head can get you arrested. Indeed, having been troubled by both the KGB and the Mafia through his travels, it seems Morris had undertaken a rather risky business.

Following a mini-tour of lucky charms collected during these travels, our conversation moves into the mysterious realms of human superstition. Morris muses on the sometimes unbelievable series of rituals undertaken by many individuals, particularly those with ‘high risk’ professions – footballers being a case in point: ‘there’s one (English) goalkeeper who had 33 things he had to do before a match.’ As with body language, we often don’t know the exact reasons underlying our behaviour. ‘Do you know why you’re wearing earrings?’ he asks me. It turns out earrings are a result of an ancient practice to ‘distract’ evil spirits from entering the body through the ears. He draws a parallel to the use of ‘Sheela-na-Gigs’ – rather risqué stone carvings of women placed over churches, whose parted legs ‘distracted the devil’ (one used to feature on the Norman clock tower on Cornmarket Street). The Maltese devised a slightly more sophisticated diversion tactic in the form of two clocks, with one telling the wrong time, to confuse and distract evil spirits.

Body language often reflects more about a person than they intend to give away, especially to the observant eye of the zoologist. Some are easily spotted – the nose itch of a liar (YouTube the Clinton trial to see this one in action). Fascinatingly, scratching the back of the head is a sign of concealed aggression, (thankfully) hiding the basic urge to deliver an overarm blow during everyday conversation. Others are more subtle. Morris recalls being asked to film a show on body language. Displaying a duo of identical photographs of a woman, he asked the men in the audience which ‘twin’ they would choose to spend the night with. The audience gasped as they realised that 90% put their hands up for the same picture. The explanation? ‘Pupil enlargement.’

Morris elucidates the true impulse behind the lovers gaze: ‘in actual fact they are checking pupil dilation in the other person, a sign of attraction, and we are unconsciously aware of this.’ He then went a step further: ‘we were very naughty, and went to the flat of one of the researchers to take a photograph of her boyfriend.’ Fitted with a ‘pupilometer,’ the researcher was shown a series of pictures: a landscape (elicited no response), a rubbish site (reduced the pupils to a pinprick), a fit movie star (showed evident enlargement), and finally the photograph of her boyfriend – at which point ‘the pupil just exploded!’

After a discussion of the origins of smiling, Morris notes ‘you’ll never see a Japanese girl laugh without holding her hand over her mouth.’ Morris puts down the extreme degree of control over body language by the ‘inscrutable oriental’ to their strong military history. With a strong level of self-discipline, it appears a degree of control over body language is possible. Morris recalls undertaking fieldwork at the World Poker Championships: ‘I saw a man win a million dollars and there wasn’t a flicker of expression on his face. He was a statue. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, he was presented with a mountain of cash by two armed guards and actually had to walk across the room, and wait a few minutes, and only then did he give a subtle jerk of the forefinger into the air.’

Another case of ‘training’ in body language emerged in Morris’ travels to a Geisha house. ‘I was sitting there thinking, why do I feel so good? There’s no sex involved! How are they doing it?’ He explains that Geisha’s are in effect being paid for body language: ‘they’re trained in a whole range of tiny, subtle details. You’re exposed to a series of subordinations and acts of submissiveness. It’s impossible to resist, it swirls a man’s ego without him knowing why.’ We agree that a Geisha’s guide to flirting would be a feminist’s nightmare. Subordination however is no long term aphrodisiac: ‘A Belgian friend called me up the other day, and asked me an old-fashioned Hugh Heffner question: ‘What gives a woman sex appeal?” Morris is decisive in his belief that rather than looking for a fashion model (‘exquisitely, outrageously beautiful women actually frighten a man’), most men are quite simply after someone who is physically and intellectually at their level, ‘who is not going to be submissive and subordinate as ultimately that’s boring.’

This brings us to a topic Morris evidently feels strongly about: ‘Women should run politics. Men are very bad at it – they keep mucking it up, getting greedy, going to war. Men are a disaster! They don’t have the natural precaution and multitasking abilities of the female.’ In primeval times, Morris explains, the male and female totally relied on each other. This was lost with the process of urbanisation which unequivocally favoured men. Morris is keen to emphasise that our natural habitat is certainly not the ‘human zoo’ of city life, which is to blame for much ‘unnatural’ human behaviour – the horrors of domestic abuse being a case in point. ‘You can’t say let’s go back to village life, you have to get more clever about organising city life and the way people live.’ Morris notes the amazing propensity we have developed to ignore and avoid each other. ‘It’s a modern invention that people don’t want to be intimate with strangers, for millions of years we lived in small tribes where everybody knew everybody. The natural thing to do would be to greet everybody when walking down the street, but this just isn’t practical. So we make them into non-persons, we’ve developed a switch-off.’ The exception to the rule being Moscow – where Morris recounts movement along the street seemed to occur via the process of bumping into one another – ‘maybe it’s just too cold to bother,’ he chuckles.

Despite all this, humans are certainly not shy about self-advertisement. Cross-cultural studies searching for what humans find truly beautiful reveal frustratingly mundane results. For every tribe that found thinness sexy, another favoured the chubby; for every community that considered large boobs to be attractive, another favoured a more subtle cleavage; even a preference for white teeth is not universal – ‘some societies find blackened teeth extremely attractive.’ The only three characteristics considered universally irresistible were clear skin, youth, and health.


Another form of self-advertisement is dancing. Morris again bubbles over with anecdotes from his travels, from the ‘contrived dances’ of Eastern Europe which act out stories of milkmaids and young men to the ‘exquisite art form’ of flamenco dancing. ‘There is another kind of dancing which is, to put it crudely, pre-copulatory’ – in other words a vertical expression of the horizontal.

He nonetheless puts the pleasure of clubbing down to an experience of ‘vertiginous pleasure,’ the same joy we get from other tension-releasing ‘flowing movements’ such as swimming or bouncing on a trampoline. It appears efforts to control human bodily expressions can often backfire: in Ireland the Catholic church ‘thought it too erotic to allow waving of arms and hips around. All movement is from below the hips, giving a curiously erotic quality,’ he giggles, ‘because of its restraint, it’s almost as if they are prisoners – a case of bondage dancing as if the top part is bound and can’t express itself.’ Morris endearingly describes ‘his kind of dancing’ as that seen on a visit to Christmas Island, where all dancing was done whilst seated.

It is impossible not to believe Morris when he says ‘I really love humans’. Having dedicated much of his working life to observing and analysing their behaviour, he remains wildly enamoured by the species. He notes that his ability to switch between the objective and subjective is exercised and strengthened through his second life as an artist. His library encompasses a similar degree of compartmentalism – physically divided into his two cerebral roles. Although taking on many qualities of a library himself, a cabinet of curiosities is certainly a more apt description.

He has an upcoming exhibition in Oxford this December, continues to write and paint and is still one of the most interesting naked apes around.

In the closet

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It should go without saying that nothing looks worse than effort, and that to appear scrupulously attired bespeaks an earnestness in preparation even more tiresome to behold than to deploy. Not only this, but the expectations thus created are needlessly high, waving the fastidious flag for all to see and inevitably despair. Already we are too tired to finish this paragraph without assistance, fittingly, from Oscar Wilde: ‘To have done it was nothing, but to make people think one had done it was a triumph.’

The truth in these observations is told by the great many who tack too far in the opposite direction, trying to remain calm but often failing even to remain casual, slipping instead into carelessness. At the extreme one finds the curious case of the intentionally careless, an utterly bemusing state, which makes no sense when written and even less when put into sartorial effect.

When in doubt, defer to someone with a keener eye than thee, who is signally concerned with the features of attractive male dress, having personal experience of both its features and its fit. To wit, the best shopping assistance comes from the gay male associate, and if this is not provided by the shop you should feel free to bring your own, a practice known in some parts as BYOG. A passable alternative is the attractive female associate, but help from any other quarter is easily more trouble than its worth.

When it comes time to compose an outfit from your closet – now appropriately curated – bear in mind that most sartorial offences come in threes: matching belt, shoes and bag; or shirt, tie, and pocket square. Try to think in terms of exceptions or surprises, such as, ‘Surprise! Pink and orange work better than you think’, while maintaining a sense of proportion by confining your exclamations to one part of your outfit, perhaps the furnishings for an otherwise simple suit. The main thing is not to banish all thought of coordination, but to treat this as an afterthought, leaving you that much closer to the sartorial vanguard, almost by accident.

Review: Adolescent Funk – DÂM-FUNK

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Dâm-Funk, supreme ‘Ambassador of Boogie Funk’, is the discerning playa’s producer of choice. The guy is passionate; he ill – he cherishes vintage gear, and unlike Kanye West, knows how to use it. ‘Cos Dâm’s been in the game a long time. He released a mammoth five LPs in 2009, which were abridged and released as Toeachizown. It was hot: a mini-trend of Lakers throwback jerseys in our city of Oxford was directly attributed to this release. Electro-boogie was back and it was bubbling.

So Peanut Butter Wolf, boss of Stones Throw Records, has seen it fit to compile a selection of Dâm’s unreleased work from the late eighties and early nineties. We don’t got vinyl crackle, we got tape hiss – and lots of it. ‘I Like Your Big Azz (Girl)’ is a killer, reflecting the most noble of predilections – that for ass. ‘It’s My Life!’ evokes the moment of the night when you’ve parked the ragtop, you’re blunted but starting to get stimmy, you greet the bouncer and miss out the queue.

The music on the disc may be juvenilia, but it’s still indispensable for all of Oxford’s heads and wannabe-heads. You’ll either get the sound or you won’t. If you want to listen to dubstep or music by white people, you can; but in the back of your mind you will be tortured by the question: ‘How You Gon Fuck Around And Choose A Busta (Over A Real Gangsta)?’.

Review: North – Darkstar

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Even in the ever-amorphous genre formerly known as dubstep, Darkstar didn’t quite fit in. The duo of Aiden Whalley and James Young released a handful of singles over the last few years, each release inching further away from the 2-step beats they started with. On North, they forsake beats entirely, transforming themselves into a downbeat synth-pop band. Think Burial’s Untrue meets The Tin Drum: evocations of abandoned factories, darkened underpasses and lakes at night.
The album’s lead single ‘Gold’ is a cover of a Human League b-side, though Darkstar treat it more like an early-eighties Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark track. Cautious, disinterested vocals float above mournful synths and skittering drums, doing away with the original’s juddering flourishes and jerky rhythm. Singer and new member James Buttery often sounds as if he’s struggling to emote against the melancholy electronics. In ‘Two Chords’, his voice is half-there, drifting above its backdrop but manipulated by it; by final track and album highlight, ‘When It’s Gone’, he has become computerized, moving down the path towards Kraftwerk’s robotics. ‘Ostkruez’ echoes Bowie’s Low instrumentals, whilst the title track wouldn’t be out of place on a Junior Boys album. Only the hypnotic ‘Aidy’s Girl Is A Computer’ betrays Darkstar’s origins – released last year as a single, it’s both danceable and unsettling, placing clipped vocal samples over a looped xylophone to create a skeletal cousin of the band’s earlier dubstep works.

With North, Darkstar successfully reinvent themselves as a synth-pop band without falling into the trap of revivalism. It’s a bold artistic move, and one that expands dubstep’s crossover potential further than ever before.

Irish Stew (in the name of the law)

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Winter is great for so many reasons. It gets overlooked next to its more glamorous
counterparts (I’m thinking of Summer and Spring, but even Autumn gets a look-in with its
jazzy coloured leaves) but in terms of cooking, it is perhaps the best of them all. And the most
glorious of all winter foods is without a doubt the stew.

Stews come in all sorts of delicious flavours and forms, and (perhaps most importantly) they
make mashed potato acceptable, and even appropriate. I think its good to remember that the
idea of ‘warming food’ shouldn’t be limited to meat, especially if you’re on a budget. So below,
I have included my top three stews, veggie, meaty and a bit of both.

Ladies, I hope the prospect of eating these makes you happier than the prospect of the next
three months of getting to wear black tights. Gents, make one of these for your gal and she
won’t be wearing them for long.

Chick pea and tomato stew

This started as a recipe from Yotam Ottolenghi – but I have adapted it beyond recognition to
suit my budget, and hopefully yours.
Serves 4, approx. 80p per serving

1 onion, sliced

1 carrot, sliced

3 sticks of celery, sliced

olive oil

1 tbsp tomato puree

1 tin tomatoes (plum if possible)

2 tsp dried oregano

2 tsp dried parsley

1 tsp dried thyme

(or substitute all three of these for 3 tsp ‘mixed herbs’ – definitely inferior, but cheaper)

2 tsp sugar

1 litre stock

half a loaf of (unsliced) bread, or 4/5 slices of bread

400g can chick peas

Add 2 tbsp oil to a pan with a little bit of butter if you have it. Add onion and sauté for about 5
minutes. Add carrot and celery and cook for another 5 minutes. Add tomato puree, cook for 2
minutes to get rid of the acidity. Add the tomatoes, herbs, stock and the caster sugar (tinned
tomatoes have an acidity to them, which this balances out – but it isn’t live-or-die if you don’t
have it). Simmer for 20-30 mins – add more water if it starts to look dry.
While it is simmering, take the bread you have (ideally the unsliced white loaf variety, about
60p from the bakery section of the supermarket) and break it into small pieces. Drizzle with
olive oil and salt and bake for 10-15 mins in a 180 oven (Gas, 4). Check it halfway to ensure it
doesn’t burn. Once the tomato juice is looking ready, open the chickpeas, drain and place in a
bowl. Then half mash them with a fork (so you have a few whole, a few mushed). Add them to
the liquid and cook for another five minutes. Then add the toasted bread, mix around so the
bread soaks up most of the liquid, and serve. Great with a bit of pesto on top.

Chicken stroganoff

Serves four, approx £2.20 per (sizeable) portion

Arguably this isn’t always cooked like a stew, but I cook mine in the oven to maximise the
potential of the awesome chicken thigh (a student meat-eater’s dream, about £2.50 for four
even if you go free-range.) The smoky, pepperiness of this is counteracted by the lemony
crème-fraichiness and its delicious. Great with mash – if it looks oily when you take it out the
oven give it a good mix before serving.

Olive oil

1 red onion, sliced

1 clove of garlic

250g mushrooms

2 pack of chicken thighs (so about 8 thighs)

crème fraiche

1 lemon

2 tbsp paprika

parsley (fresh if possible)

salt and pepper

potatoes (baking, mashing, it doesn’t make much difference)

Heat a large frying pan and add some oil. Fry the sliced onions and garlic until soft – remove
from the pan and place in a bowl. Slice the chicken thighs (remove skins if they have them)
and season with salt pepper and plenty of paprika. Add a little more oil to the pan and heat.
Add the mushrooms until they start to brown and then add the meat. Once the meat has
browned, remove the parsley leaves from the stalks and add the stalks to the meat. Re-add
the onion and garlic and mix. Add the juice and zest of 1 lemon and 2 tbsp crème fraiche and
place the mixture into an ovenproof dish. Place in the oven for 15-20 mins.

In the meantime, boil your potatoes until soft. Drain, add butter and 1 tbsp crème fraiche and
mash until your elbow aches. Serve the stroganoff on the mash with the (chopped) parsley
leaves as decoration. Yum!

(If you’re a veggie – or it’s the end of term and you’re especially poor – just take out the
chicken and double the mushrooms for mushroom stroganoff, almost as good).

Sausage stew

Serves 3, about £1.60 per portion (for good sausages)

olive oil

6 sausages (as good as you can afford)

1 onion, roughly chopped

2 sticks of celery, roughly chopped

4 cloves of garlic, crushed

2 tsp dried thyme

1 tsp paprika

2 tbsp plain flour

A splash of white wine or 1tbsp white wine vinegar

750ml chicken stock

400g tin of plum tomatoes

salt and pepper

Heat some olive oil in the pan, and add your sausages. Cook them until brown on all sides
and then remove them from the pan and put them in a bowl. Remove most of the fat from the
pan (leaving a thin layer on the bottom). Add the onion and celery, fry for 10 minutes – until
they are getting soft – and then add garlic, thyme, paprika and flour. Pour over some white
wine (vinegar will do if you don’t want to waste precious booze) and let it evaporate. Re-add
the sausage, along with stock and the tomatoes. Season with salt and pepper and cook for
fifteen minutes or until it’s thick and juicy and meaty and deliciously ready to go. Serve with
rice, mash or – my favourite – a big hunk of bread.