Wednesday, May 7, 2025
Blog Page 1631

Fake sofas and subfusc chic: the Oxford brand

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On my first, overwhelming day at Oxford, while I was busy quivering behind a JCR pool table and clutching my ‘welfare goody-bag’, I remember drifting into an awkward conversation with a third-year physicist. ‘You,’ he declared pitilessly, ‘are a fresher.’ We surveyed each other in the breathless pause. ‘And I,’ he continued, ‘am a third-year physicist.’ A hand appeared, so I shook it. ‘What can I tell you?’

Oxford is, by legend, an odd place, brimming with endearing foibles and weighty solemnity, haughty egos and quiet modesty, and all sorts of thoroughly unfathomable contradictions. You could plough through the night analysing Nietzsche or Baudelaire, and finish just in time to submit your favourite reptile in a tortoise race. It is, to be frank, unusual. Survival prospects were looking bleak. So I mumbled the obvious question.

My first few weeks?’ he boomed, ‘What were they like?’ He rubbed his stubble pensively, and seized the lemonade. ‘Well,’ he said, ‘I couldn’t shake off the sense I was living in a theme park.’

Two years later, I confess, neither can I.

Oxford tweets, has a Facebook page, and runs bustling shops (in various continents) spewing all kinds of improbable paraphernalia (including, surprisingly, a plastic dinosaur, fake gargoyles, and model dons for hanging on Christmas trees). You can barely move for tour guides, and the dreaded walk to exams involves hordes of camera-wielding coach-loads angling for snaps of the subfusc. The current batch of wide-eyed tourists is apparently absorbed in their iPhones, busy stroking their screens to enjoy ‘the Oxford app’. On it you’ll find out ‘where Harry has dinner’ and ‘swots for exams’. Lucky you.

Oxford Limited, the university’s commercial workhorse, supposedly don’t mind playing to this slightly cheesy, Potter-esque fantasy. Their website is a candid, if rather saccharine, eulogy to Oxford’s money-spinning potential. Intriguingly, the company’s last high-profile offering was an Oxford University furniture range, complete with replica “tutor’s chair”, “Senior Common Room sofa”, and something that hasn’t escaped notice as a suspiciously Hogwarts-ish table. But rest assured; apparently – in the immortal words of the furniture line’s manufacturer published in The Telegraph – they are “really, really authentic”.

Ok. I can hear the sceptics. Are a few lovable gargoyles and make-believe sofas really so terrible? What does it matter if the university sells some branded trash? Quite frankly, who cares?

Er, I do – a bit. And I’m not alone. More than a few incredulous academics have already started to reach for the panic button, hurling phrases around involving various arrangements of the words “vulgar”, “inappropriate”, and “meretricious”. There is something rather weird about savouring Oxford’s sports victories as “licensing opportunities”, just as it’s slightly surreal to find that people are dressing their (presumably precocious) newborns in University of Oxford branded baby-grows and bibs (no really, they are).

This is, of course, all a bit silly. But it’s also, in an odd way, vaguely disappointing. It panders to a depressing sort of commercialisation, a general cheapening of Oxford’s status from an academic institution to a theme park. In the mercenary terms of Oxford’s PR strategies, it yearns to recast the university’s identity as a “brand”, apparently to be remoulded “into a powerful consumer proposition” according to their website. It is, of course, a brutal irony that trying to market “values” and “heritage” is an excellent way to debase them.

I might be over-playing my hand: things clearly aren’t quite as apocalyptic as they sound. Oxford is still an institution with something resembling integrity. But I get the nagging feeling that we should sit up, smell the coffee, and listen to the prophetic voices of third-year physicists – before, drowning under a desperate flood of trademarked Harry Potter dolls, it’s simply too late.

Magdalen expands library onto old quad

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Magdalen College is set to start building works in order to extend its library on to one of its oldest quads.

The library extensions will be set in a sunken landscape garden to be built in Longwall Quad and will also see the construction of a new cycle parking area. The works will also include the restoration of other parts of Longwall Street. Enabling works are set to take place over the next four months, which include site investigations and the removal of two birch trees and the lawn.

The approval for planning permission was granted despite fears from the Victorian Group of the Oxfordshire Architectural and Historical Society that the new works would “obliterate an important phase in the building’s history.”

One of the conditions attached to the planning permission is that a full archaeological survey of the site be taken before building begins. Charles King, the Investment Bursar at Magdalen College, explained, “We will not know what sort of artifacts we will find until we start work…but any artifacts found in these circumstances usually go to the Oxford Archaeological Museum.”

Previous archaeological investigations found medieval remains in and around the quad.

The new plans have been met with mixed reaction from Magdalen students. First year biologist Peter Gleeson told Cherwell, “Longwall Quad is one of the nicest quads in Oxford, it would be a shame to remove its quaint charm with what isn’t a particularly attractive building.” He added, “Having seen the artist’s impressions, I will admit it could be a lot worse, but it is far from the ideal solution.”

First year chemist Alasdair Griffet said, “I personally think the designs are awful and Willy Waynflete would turn in his grave. We should just build another tower and put a library in that.’

However, Alice Ahearn was more positive, saying, “I obviously think it’s sad about the silver birches and the lawn, but in the end if they need more space for the books I think function has to come first – and grass grows back fairly quickly.’

However, despite some negative views about the building works, Mr Young informed Cherwell, “Far more people have been encouraging, saying that it is an interesting and creative design.”

Fashion’s Guide to Sportswear

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Remember those hideous uniforms and wellies that the Czech Republic team donned during the Opening Ceremony of the Summer Olympics? You know, the ones that made them look like they were moonlighting as flight attendants that mistakenly wandered onto the set of Singin’ In the Rain? Yes, of course you do, you were watching, and judging, and most likely cringing right along with me. The parade of muscles, spandex, and gold lamé (really, Stella?) was one of many events this summer that illuminated the deeply rooted relationship between sport and fashion.

Although most Oxford students aren’t Olympians, there are definitely ways that we can all incorporate a bit of style into our sportswear. 

Boxing

It’s one of my favorite things to do, and therefore under the guise of going in an alphabetical order, it’s the first sport on the list. Boxing is one of the best sports to incorporate style into, in the ring and in your gear. Let’s start with the basics: bright colors and lots of them! Ever needed the excuse to wear that neon green shirt you have? Here’s your chance: boxers wearing bright, noticeable colors have been scientifically proven to be more likely win matches (and style points, in my book at least). Pairing bright, attention grabbing colors and neutrals like black or white will give you the perfect combination of personality and functionality, and boost your mood and performance along the way.

Next step: hand wraps. Although your trainer or sparring partner will most likely never see this part of your kit, (as your wraps will be hidden well inside your boxing gloves) they are the closest thing to accessories in boxing. Varying in length and design, wraps also come in a myriad of colors that can be selected to highlight the colors of your gear. Don’t be afraid to match the colors of the wraps with that neon green shirt, or the blue lining of your shoes. This might sound silly now, but when you look in the mirror right before your workout and see those matching elements, you’ll feel as if you’re in a Nike ad right up there with Muhammad Ali.

Cycling

Watching the Tour de France is mandatory in my family. For 23 days in the month of July, everyone in my family knows not to touch the remote control, record anything that might clog up the DVR, or tell my dad who won one of the stages. I have seen more sweaty, spandex-clad men fighting to wear polka dots, rainbow (worn by the world champion) and yellow than a gay man in San Francisco. Needless to say, I have many suggestions regarding sportswear worn by cyclists.

First of all, keep the bike shorts. Yes, they leave nothing to the imagination (especially the white ones), yes, they are tight and make your butt look a little weird, but, boy, do they make you look like a superhero. The jerseys though, are another story. Stick to solid colors, and unless you are Lance Armstrong or Bradley Wiggins, don’t wear the yellow Tour de France jersey stamped with sponsors you don’t have and carrying a legacy you haven’t earned. Never ever tuck your jersey into your shorts. Always wear a helmet. And finally, never wear arm warmers with a sleeveless jersey. Seriously, where does one even buy an ‘arm warmer’?!

Riding

Just go with Ralph Lauren. If you can afford to own, board, and feed a horse, surely you can afford those really nice leader riding boots and polos that Ralph Lauren has to offer. Hermes was founded as a company catering to equestrians, so you can splurge on that Hermes saddle, and those bits and polo wraps. Maybe this is the little girl in me, but braiding the horse’s mane also seems like a good idea.

Running

Investing in a great pair of compression pants or shorts will not only allow you to show off those toned legs, but also increase your performance and prevent injuries. Shoes are also an integral part of running gear, and any track star will tell you that the best way to incorporate personal style into a uniform is through wearing bright, colorful shoes. Look into shoes that are not only attention grabbing, but also those that can help you track and quantify your workout. Nike+ gear has sensors in their running shoes that connect wirelessly to your phone and provide performance feedback. This will pretty much replace your workout buddy or trainer, as Nike+ technology will track how fast, hard, and how long you run while motivating you along the way. Sportswear is also one of the best places to incorporate the neon trend into. Wearing a neon shirt or running jacket will add some style and also allow added visibility at night. Running allows great flexibility in your choice of gear and clothing. Since all you need is a good pair of shoes, everything else is up to you!

Rugby

It’s the quintessential British sport, and from my (American) perspective, one with the highest proportion of attractive men. If you play rugby, some stereotypes are automatically imprinted on you, and I say, take advantage of the ones relating to fashion. The iconic rugby jersey, with the distinctive collar and striped design, has become a fashion item in its own right. Wear the shirt, but please refrain from popping the collar.

Rowing

It’s early, you are tired, and you have practice in 30 minutes. Don’t worry too much about what to wear, just keep warm and do whatever it takes to get ready for this socially acceptable form of masochism some call a sport.

Tennis

While the typical all-white tennis outfits can be a bit of a bore, the real problem with tennis is the fact that you can never keep track of your balls. I have the perfect solution: Penn offers tennis balls in all colors and designs, ranging from baby pink (if that’s your thing) to blue and black. If your tennis skills are as great as mine (around the skill level of a 4 year old), then all the players around you will take notice, since your bright tennis balls will be flying all over their courts. It terms of sportswear, here’s where Stella McCartney redeems herself. Stella’s line of sportswear for Adidas features numerous lingerie-inspired tennis dresses and separates that perfectly combine function and style. 

Yoga

As someone who’s not a big fan of yoga, because it’s really, really boring, I am no expert on real yoga style. However, I have attended an American high school, and have often seen (and worn) yoga clothes in class. Yoga pants are comfortable, more-or-less flattering, and very functional, and they can transition easily from working out to going to Starbucks and grabbing a coffee.

With the opening of the first Victoria’s Secret store in London this summer, I say, go for it! Jump on the bandwagon and get a pair of VS PINK yoga pants or (my personal favorite) yoga crop leggings. Stick to clean lines, and avoid wearing loud prints and colors, as they will be distracting to you and those around you as they try to ‘centre’ themselves. And here’s my last tip (which comes from personal experience): avoid wearing loose fitting tops while doing yoga, because in the middle of doing the Downward Facing Dog pose, the shirt will slip off and leave you in only a sports bra.

Now, perhaps my suggestions won’t elevate you to the performance level of Olympic athletes, but I’m sure they will score you some style points!

(Special thanks to Rachel Imhoff for insight and editing)

Review: The Vaccines – Come of Age

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As someone who is not ashamed to confess to daily gazing with adoration at a poster of a leather clad Justin Young et al, it pains me to say it. It really does. But The Vaccines’ eagerly anticipated follow-up album Come of Age is shit. Admittedly not a purge-it-from-your-Spotify shitness, but suffice to say, it’s not great.

Inevitably it was going to be some feat to live up to the band’s chart-smashing 2011 debut What Did You Expect From The Vaccines? but after Come of Age we’re going to expect a hell of lot less from this west London indie foursome. The riotous vocals and uproariously catchy harmonies in ‘If You Wanna’ and ‘Wreckin’ Bar (Ra-Ra-Ra)’, with their evocation of teenage rebellion and rockabilly tumult are long gone.  Because the Vaccines have grown up you see; They’ve ‘Come of Age’. Yeah deep.

 In ‘Teenage Icon’, Young bemoans ‘I’m no teenage icon…I’m nobody’s hero’. Well, quite. The lowest point though, comes from ‘Weirdo’ with its doleful refrain ‘I don’t want to let it go/ You know I’m not a weirdo’, which after three minutes contrives to make one yearn for the musical equivalent of a restraining order. Always in danger of sounding like a pastiche of a middle-class indie boy band, The Vaccines’ flirtation with parody was a strong component in their meteoric and well deserved rise to official harbingers of cool. In a recent interview with the Guardian, Young declared confidently ‘It scares me how easy I find songwriting’. Yeah? Well this really isn’t a surprise with lyrics such as ‘I’m so self-obsessed/I don’t really care about anyone else when I haven’t got my own life figured out’.

 But that’s not to say glimmers of the band we know and esteem are uniformly absent. The dark, louche crooning in ‘I wish I was a Girl’ sounds gloriously Black Keys-ian while ‘Change of Heart’ has an anthemic, endorphin-pumping velocity reminiscent of ‘Norgaard’. But the gothic-tinged ‘Ghost Town’ with it’s sharp staccato beat and surging hook-lines is the glistening gem in this generally mediocre album.

 Ultimately while Come of Age might signify a volte-face album for The Vaccines, it lacks the coherency and dynamism of their debut. The band’s characteristic chutzpah is still there, albeit underneath the affectation, but the overall effect feels hubristic and static. The Vaccines, Come of Age? Not likely.

 

THREE STARS  

 

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Travel blog: Fringe benefits

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In many ways, the Edinburgh Fringe is like life. There’s so much to do that it’s impossible to do it all; the choices you do make are often wrong, and at the end of your time it’s hard not to look back with some regret over opportunities missed. You can never see everything, and sometimes it’s easy to regret what you didn’t see more than enjoy what you did. Equally, everyone’s experience is different; people are interested in different things, and have different ideas of how they should watch things. Hence why this piece, based on my experiences, is biased towards comedy.

Also like life, accepting deals from strangers will lead you to be locked in unfamiliar cellars with dangerous lunatics, albeit those with BAs in Drama.

Amid rumblings of encroaching commercialism, decreased ticket sales and the competition with the Olympics, this year the Fringe didn’t start off on the best foot. However, for me at least, this year was actually a great one for the festival, and one that indicated something of a paradigm shift in live comedy.

On the heels of the strong showing from British women in the Olympics, it was a particularly fertile Fringe for women this year; Nina Conti’s ventriloquist act was in high demand at the box office, and for comics like Susan Calman the high demand for tickets demonstrates a change in the ludicrous but pervasive attitude nurtured by panel shows like Mock the Week that ‘women aren’t funny’. The Funny Women competition at the Assembly also yielded some choice acts, including winner Lara A King, whose show People-Pleaser was inventive, intimate and filthy. A significant milestone this year was the Foster’s Edinburgh Comedy award (formerly the Perrier) shortlist, which featured the highest number of female finalists in its history, in the form of Josie Long and Claudia O’Doherty. Neither won, though, and before we get too self-congratulatory the fact that two women on a list of six is a record highlights how unbalanced the Fringe still is.

The genre of the shows on the shortlist also bears closer inspection, with O’Doherty’s ‘difficult theatre’ piece based around a magic telescope that sees through time standing alongside the frenetic sketches of Pappy’s and the imaginative silent comedy of Doctor Brown. Their presence on the list, as well as Brown’s eventual triumph, seems indicative of a shift away from the dominance that stand-up has enjoyed in comedy for the last few years. In terms of raw numbers, it’s also clear that people’s preferences are changing; some of the most fully-booked shows this year were Conti’s aforementioned puppet show, the junkshop mime of The Boy With Tape on his Face and the riotous music and comedy show The Horne Section. Perhaps people are growing tired of stand-up comedy; perhaps they just see it when it tours to their home town. Who knows? Either way, these changes mean that it’s an exciting time to experience live comedy, and the Fringe did a great job of showcasing that this year.

Aside from this general commentary, certain shows (some already mentioned above) are worthy of extra attention; therefore, may I humbly present my personal picks from this year’s festival.

Best Stand-up

I didn’t actually see a lot of stand-up this year; of what I did see, Rhys Darby (of Flight of the Conchords fame) was particularly funny and, crucially, easy with his audience.

Best Musical show

A cappella was the name of the game this year, although in a post-Glee world the choice was a little more Warblers and a little less Ted’s band from Scrubs; (excluding, of course, Ted’s band from Scrubs, the Blanks, whose show this year unfortunately felt a little dated). For me it’s tied between the huge talent of African fivesome Soweto Entsha and the more fun and accessible Out of the Blue, both using the same medium to hugely different effects (and no, OOTB aren’t just here to fill an ‘Oxford’ quota. Shame on you).

Best spoken word

One of the funniest, most successful things I saw this year was Dirty Great Love Story, essentially a one-hour two person poem weaving a rich, hilarious narrative of a thwarted couple. Unique and unmissable.

Best Drama

Tucked away in a small venue at 11:45am, Female Gothic was nonetheless one of my overall highlights. Simply one performer retelling ghost stories from (largely forgotten) female gothic novelists, it was truly poignant and frightening.

Weirdest show

Alternative comedian Simon Munnery’s Fylm Makker, in which he experiments with the idea of ‘live film’ as opposed to physical presence in stand-up probably takes the prize, although it faces stiff competition; for example, an act I saw which can best be described as a powerpoint presentation on different religious interpretations of the afterlife, punctuated with Simon Cowell jokes and presided over by a man claiming to be Death himself. Odd.

Funniest show

While it’s almost a tie with the foul-mouthed man-and-puppet Australian duo Sammy J and Randy, at the end of the day The Boy with Tape on his Face produced the most honest, least self-conscious laughter at his inventive, immersive and nostalgic mime act.

And finally…

The ‘Spirit of the Fringe’ award

By this I mean the sense of community and discovery that the Fringe, at its best, can deliver to you in a show. This year I finally got to see The Horne Section, and honestly the mix of guest acts, incredible musicians and audience participation makes for a unique experience that would never work as well anywhere else. Unfortunately, on the last night of its run the show was suspended for 45 minutes after a fire alarm went off. However, the performers soon rallied the disgruntled audience as they performed extra songs acoustically outside while the venue was health-and-safety checked. Definitely an experience that stays with you.

 

In summary, bring on next year.

Maybe I’ll even get a press pass…

 

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Review: The Castaways of the Fol Espoir

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Although it may not seem like it to the majority of those thronging the streets of Edinburgh during August, there is a festival outside of the Fringe. The Edinburgh International Festival takes itself a little more seriously than its younger, gurning sibling, which can result in productions of quite ridiculous levels of self-reverential pomposity and pretension. Had you asked me a couple of days ago whether a four hour long play in French by a theatre commune, (on a set that had to be specially created in a warehouse because no theatre’s stage was deep enough) would fit this rather irritating bill, I’d probably have agreed. Nothing could be further from the truth. The Castaways of the Fol Espoir (Sunrises) is exactly such a play, produced and devised by the Théâtre du Soleil. This company are a vaguely anarcho-socialist group who all reside and work in the same disused munitions factory, and all draw the same wage (from director to coffee-boy). They rehearse for months on end, producing shows of unparalleled length and complexity. However, their skill lies in making the complexity rewarding, the length inconsequential, and the near familial nature of the cast their strongest suit.

The Castaways is a play about many things, including commando nuns, Chilean border disputes, and bloodthirsty Cossacks. These elements are all bound up in a narrative relating the experiences of a film crew working in the expansive attic of a restaurant (the eponymous Fol Espoir), attempting to adapt Jules Verne’s posthumously published novel Les naufragés du ‘Jonathan’ in the year 1914. The group are committed socialists one and all, and the silent film which they play out (with much appropriate silent-era mugging) before the audience has all the ideological subtlety of a Soviet broadcast (a genre scathingly described by Christopher Isherwood as typically involving “the usual triangle between a girl with thick legs, a boy, and a tractor.”). However, this is socialism before the souring of the dream, and you could almost believe, as a result of the passion of their performance, that the view of the world which they espouse is a truly positive and beautiful one.

However it is the very souring of the dream that is the point of the play. As the crew attempt to build their socialist vision in the attic, the events of 1914 play out in the outside world. As the world edges closer to war, the film becomes increasingly bleak and pessimistic. Events from the world outside seem to alter the film, and in one scene, the film seems to predict the events that played out in that year, including the assassination of Jean Jaures. This final death provides the crew with the crazed and fanatic energy to finish their film. The message that it ultimately conveys is that of enlightened pessimism. Dreams fail, and will always fail. The world tends to spoil them. However, the true aim of the visionary is not to build a utopia, but to show future fellow-travellers the pitfalls, so that they may avoid them. If this all sounds rather too weighty and bleak, it is only because I have not yet mentioned the fantastic physical comedy that seems to overflow the boundaries of the set. From actors that can barely keep their hands off one another (whether in hilariously passionate embraces or knockabout punch-ups), to a seagull on a stick and a small man in a kilt dancing like an idiot, the cast portray their characters with gusto and energy that often gets lost in such large productions.

I can say, categorically, that Les Naufragés du Fol Espoir (Aurores) is the greatest production I have ever seen. I would urge anyone who has even the slightest interest to try and catch a performance, or if it has finished its run, to see whatever the Théâtre du Soleil does next. They are true theatrical visionaries.

FIVE STARS

Track Review: Muse – Madness

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What is it about Muse that forever keeps us fatally hooked? ‘Madness’ is Muse’s latest slinky, electronic, soft rock offering, the first single to be released from their eagerly awaited, upcoming sixth album 2nd law. The band from Devon has certainly had a packed schedule of late, with the busy promotion and performances of the official London 2012 Olympic Games song: ‘Survival’.

With this new EP, Muse have shifted to a more experimental, minimalistic feel. Bellamy sings of a crazy frame of mind, of a “madness that takes control” and not being able to “get rid of these memories.’ Admittedly, this track is a mellow affair and does not carry the usual anthemic signatures that have been employed by the band on previous smash hits like ‘Supermassive Blackhole’ and ‘Hysteria’, but the overall package is compellingly superb and profoundly entrancing whilst lyrically it breaks no boundaries.

The electronic dubsteplike beats are amalgamated with a hypnotic repetitive bass line hook here, coursing through our veins like dopamine and working effortlessly like caffeine, we are instantly addicted. Bellamy’s mellifluous and sensual delivery is an evocation of the alluded symptoms of a dizzying headstrong emotional whirlpool.

We’ve already caught an exhilarating glimpse of what’s to come in October by Muse. With this offbeat intoxicating number, there’s no vulgar ostentatious showing off present, instead, just commanding first class musicianship. ‘Madness’ can sure supply us with chronic pills of pure musical ecstasy. Thank you very much doctor.

Catwalk Trend: Braids

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Rhianna, Rapunzel and Katniss Everdeen (of Hunger Games fame) may not appear to have much in common but they are all at least partly responsible for a hair trend which has dominated catwalk and red carpet alike and looks set to continue to do so – the braid.

No longer the preserve of hippies, Heidi and schoolgirls, the braid has gone grown-up, sophisticated and sexy. It’s a trend all hair types can embrace (although some styles work better with greater length) and one which can be practical as well as chic – as evidenced by its popularity amongst female Olympians, as well as bow-wielding tributes. A few months ago I didn’t know Dutch braid from fishtail and would have considered myself far from co-ordinated, but with a little know-how, practice and inspiration my hairstyle horizons have broadened considerably.

It’s important to master the basics before attempting high fashion hair and Youtube is a wonderful resource for learning at your own pace. Techniques vary and the terminology can be a little confusing, so I’d particularly recommend the channel Cute Girls Hairstyles for clarity of explanation and bringing it back to basics on the different types of braid. Also important is working with your hair type – some styles will hold better in wavier hair and you might have to use a texturising putty to achieve the desired effect. The beauty of braiding, however, is that styles are often held in place by the hair itself with minimal construction materials required, so you can throw aside your pins and grips and rely on a few cheap elastics.

Moving into this Autumn/Winter season, keep it on trend by making styles slicker. Messy side braids work on the festival circuit or beach, but this season sees a move towards the intricate braided updo, as seen on the Duchess of Cambridge in Jenny Packman. On the catwalks, Marc Jacobs favoured the braided bun, Gucci and Valentino models’ hair was held back by twisted sections and designers such as Fendi and Emilio Pucci championed halo or headband styles. The common denominator was that braiding should be neater and keep the hair back from the face – think more retro than boho and you’re on the right track.

Fashionable, practical and eminently wearable, braids are one way to kick-start the season in style, without blowing your bank balance. 

Internship Blog: Law in Beijing

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They say that if the Shanghai metro gets you knocked up, the Beijing metro will take care of it. A tasteless joke perhaps, but one the locals relish. It doesn’t have quite the same appeal for me asI  find myself at Guomao Station, Beijing’s busiest subway stop. I am trussed up in my school uniform-come-business-suit and have never felt less ready for my first day at work. Before me is a uniform sea of black haired heads, most of whom are openly staring at me, not because of my Renaissance beauty or supermodel legs, but because in a city of 14 million I am patently Western (and now patent with sweat.)

I set myself up for an August of experiment. After a laborious phone interview I landed myself a place on the internship programme CRCC Asia, who have wrangled me a month’s internship with a local Beijing law firm, King & Bond. I neither study law nor speak a word of Mandarin. I can, at least, use chopsticks, and am therefore marginally better equipped than the other CRCC intern. She is from New Jersey and mainly plays Angry Birds at her desk.

The first thing to know about the Chinese working world is the importance of guanxi, the Chinese word for the friendly business relationship between partners. It normally involves a large meal, washed down with Baijiu, a sort of Chinese vodka that I’d happily use as nail polish remover. Luckily I was forewarned, but people’s attitudes towards each other in the office were almost overly friendly. The Chinese intern, who had been there for nearly a month already, clasped me around the waist the minute I arrived and frogmarched me round the office hand in hand with me. My supervisor looked mortally offended when I tentatively suggested we eat somewhere other than McDonald’s for lunch. Saving and giving face is a big deal in China and it must be adhered to, even if it means suffering a few chicken feet and chips.

While I was familiar enough with guanxi, there are many preconceptions that I had about Chinese business culture that didn’t always ring true. A country that is fast becoming a world superpower must be the apotheosis of intellect and ruthless efficiency when it comes to business.

The clerks’ room of King & Bond was a different matter, however: six out of ten clerks were fast asleep. Some had even brought pillows. Upon further enquiry I find that apparently this is totally normal. I was left meanwhile to copy and paste the entire Chinese website into Google translate. Another woeful misconception: the Chinese are clean and business-like. Yes, they wear hygiene masks in the office. So far, so good, according to my stereotype checklist. A spot of procrastinating in the office toilet revealed the grim truth. One woman, who I later recognised as one of the partners, spent a good ten minutes in her cubicle hawking and spitting, before lighting a fag. She then took a business call in broken English from the same cubicle. They say time is money.

The actual job was vaguely interesting. Aside from the inevitable endless photocopying and faxing, I was taken to a few embassies as a sort of promotion gig. They mostly went well, barring an incident where my supervisor rather pompously assured the Ethiopian ambassador that Bolivia and Venezuela were indeed African countries. The general level of office English proved to be no better that its geography, and I had to insist upon proofreading most of the documents before they went off. One does not write ‘looking forward to meeting you!!!’ in an email to the head of HSBC.

Other than the language barrier, there were aspects of Beijing that were infinitely frustrating, but also moments of real wonder: trying to find a cab that will take you even though you aren’t Chinese? Impossible. Eating well for under £1? Every day. Forget your Pret salad and your Starbuck’s skinny mocha when a working lunch consisted of at least four dishes for under a pound per person. Wanfujing market sold less recognisable fare for a similar price: deep-fried scorpion, cockroach, silkworm or snake were too brave an after-work snack for my tame Western palate.

One of the best and strangest things about Beijing is its own cultural clash. From the austere Tian’anmen square to the breath-taking Ming era architecture of the Temple of Heaven, it is almost bizarre that you can spend a whole day faxing in a window-less office and a whole evening haggling in the Silk Market. China may be a superpower and a strict communist regime, but the vibrancy of the city is not easily quashed, perhaps because of the inward-looking nature of the state. From China’s Great Wall to its Great Firewall, this is a country of and for the Chinese people, and it is bristling with life and energy, when its employers aren’t asleep.

Ned Beauman and the Booker

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When you’ve written a Man Booker longlisted novel which combines Nazis, sexual frustration, teleportation machines and H P Lovecraft’s science fiction stories, and composed an opening sentence as mind-bogglingly long yet undeniably engaging as this one itself, and all by the age of twenty seven, then you can be sure that somewhere along the way you picked up the literary equivalent of the golden ticket. I caught up with Ned Beauman last Friday, just as he was entering the figurative chocolate factory of global recognition, bumper sales and literary awards, to talk to him about his time at Cambridge, his early writing and how he likes the limelight.

 

 Not too many years ago, you were studying Philosophy at Cambridge and, if you’ll forgive me for saying so, philosophy courses aren’t known for producing authors of your wit or comic capacity. How did you enjoy Cambridge and how did you get into writing?

Well I had a pretty good time there. Cambridge doesn’t offer any creative writing courses so it doesn’t have a bloc of people writing fiction, although there was playwriting – which everyone was doing. But there was this anthology which Oxford shared called the Mays and the occasional magazine which published fiction, so there was a little bit going on. And I wrote a novel while I was at Cambridge which I tried to get an agent for but I couldn’t find anyone who was interested. But that was good practice.

 

What was your first, unpublished novel about?

It was about an evil theatre company.

 

And what happened to it?

I finished it and was talking to an agent about it but they didn’t take it on. As the months passed I began to realize that it wasn’t actually a very successful novel anyway so I just put it away and now I would never want anyone to read it.

 

Could you tell us a little about your first published novel, Boxer, Beetle?

I started that after I graduated and it took me about two and a half years while I was working. It started while I was doing an MA at Sussex and then I was writing while I was working, on Wednesdays and Sundays. The first one is always going to be pretty special to me because it was the first time that I’d written a novel that worked in some sort of way on the level on which I ‘d hoped for. And I think I developed my style, whilst my style didn’t really exist in the one I wrote while I was at Cambridge. I haven’t been back to look at it [Boxer, Beetle] for a while. When I read from it I usually read the opening two pages so I must have read those dozens and dozens and dozens of times, but I don’t know how the rest of it would hold up. But people are still buying it and enjoying it I think.

 

Your second and most recent novel, The Teleportation Accident, also involves the Weimar Republic and the rise of the Nazis. Is there something that you find particularly engaging about that period of history?

Well, there was a lot of interesting stuff going on in Germany in the 1930s. I don’t have any particular preoccupation with the Nazis except in terms of their over-the-top status as the most evil thing in the world as there’s quite a lot of ways to create character by counter poising them to that. So you have a character who doesn’t care about the Nazis and then you ask: can you still like this character; can this character still be funny? And so on. It was also a good job that I wrote another novel on that period because while I was researching the first one I happened to come across City of Quartz by Mike Davis which was a really wonderful picture of LA at about the time of Weimar and I wanted to write about that. But also, in a way, being a bit bored of the 1930s is probably why the novel is so fragmentary.

 

You are not new to literary awards, your first novel won the Goldberg Award for Outstanding Debut Fiction and the UK Writer’s Guild Award, but how does it feel to have been long listed for the Man Booker, a prize which has been won by authors as well regarded as John Banville and Ian McEwan?

Well obviously it’s terrific. I didn’t expect it to happen so early in my career. Those other prizes are great but the Man Booker is on another level. The impact on sales has been really extraordinary just in the few weeks since the longlist was announced. The novel is already onto it’s third printing which I’m told is quite impressive a month after publication. There has also been so much more attention world-wide. I’m doing a festival in Toronto in October, so I’m going to go up and see Niagara Falls, and that came directly out of the Booker longlist. It’s great, but you’ve got to remember that it is five people that decide, it’s not like the god’s of literature have made any objective declaration about it me: it’s the taste of these five people. Although I’m sure they choose the panel very well and they read the books very carefully so it means a lot to get their commendation nonetheless.

 

You’ve written for magazines such as Dazed & Conflused, The Guardian and The Literary Review. Do you have further ambitions for your career in journalism?

Well I enjoy journalism although I really don’t do very much of it. I probably only do a few pieces a year. But the type of journalism that I’m interested in now tends to be the type that I’m not very well qualified for. I’d really like to do some more writing about art, but the problem is that I don’t really know anything about art. I’d like to do some more long-form writing, perhaps for some American magazine like Harper’s, but I don’t really have any of the journalistic skills that you need to pitch, let alone write for a magazine like that. In journalism my ambitions tend to outstrip my prospects a little bit. But I do enjoy it.

 

Can I ask about your future writing? Is there a third novel in the works?

I’m well under way with my third book which I’ve already sold so it will definitely be published, perhaps in 2012. I’ve not told anyone about the plot, but it will be very different in setting to my first two books. It is set in South London in May 2012 over a few weeks. It’s definitely less ambitious and less wide ranging than my first two books but it’s been incredibly enjoyable to write.

 

And finally, the inevitable question: do you have any advice for aspiring writers?

I’ve actually never been asked that question before. I suppose, read a lot. For instance, when I was at Cambridge I made it a project to read through the Modern Libraries collection of the hundred greatest books of the twentieth century. I haven’t nearly read the whole thing but that was brilliant and if you set yourself tasks like that then you end up doing at least almost as much reading as you need to be doing. I would also say that you can be quite optimistic about it because getting an agent and getting publishers is not just about having connections. They are businesses and they are looking for books that they think will sell. It’s not like they are grudgingly taking on books; they love to find books that they think will do well. People at Oxford and Cambridge in many ways have the right connections already, but if you don’t then you really don’t need to worry. You only need to worry about writing a good book.