Blind Date is kindly sponsored by the Oxford Retreat, open for lunch, supper and drinks at 1 Hythe Bridge Street.
Him: Alex Batten,
E+M, St. Hugh's
Finalist suffering from chronic loss of game in search of the offline "one"... Can she be found?
As I waited stoically for 20 minutes for my date to arrive, the tragic prospect of having to review a blind date I had been stood up on swept over me. However, Clare eventually turned up and I was then faced with the equally tragic prospect of an actual blind date. After Cilla Black impersonations had been dispensed with, Clare's latent feelings on the subjects of sex and marriage were ruthlessly exposed by a series of Freudian questions I had copy and pasted from a seedy dating advice website into our opening gambits. Clare brushed aside these inadvertent revelations, proved to be a thoroughly entertaining dinner companion and successfully managed to appear interested in most of what I had to say. Four and a half hours later, we stumbled into the cave that is Kukui (maaaaate).
Banter: Liquid
Looks: Appealing
Personality: Affable
2nd date? Discussed
Her: Clare Bucknell, English, Magdalen
Socially flawed ‘medium dog' with a love of University Challenge and rare steaks hopes to meet arrogant and dominant male to whom she can submit herself utterly.
Alex's ice-breaker backfired, when my answers to his ‘get-to-know-you' questions ("If you were a wild animal, which would you be?") revealed that, I am very keen on marriage, hate life and am looking forward to death. It was a struggle to come back from that. Luckily, I had time: our date lasted a record 7 hours, during which Alex plied me with 18 units of alcohol and made exemplary conversation. After dinner, we headed to Kukui and took the unit count up to 20. The evening only took a downturn when I became so drunk that I pretended to be a smoker (yep, sorry Alex, I've literally smoked under ten cigarettes in my life, three of which were successfully inhaled) and then leapt into a cab home. I would like to publicly apologise for this terrible behaviour, and to assure Alex that the last couple of shots, not his charming company, were responsible.
Banter: Diverting
Looks: Arresting
Personality: Immoral
2nd date? To be arranged