Shagging, making love, doinking: there’s many names for it and many ways to do it. Here at Cherwell, we’ve made it our business to find out just exactly how, when, and with whom Oxford students get their freak on. Welcome all to the fifth annual Sextigation. Just like the boyfriend you need to get rid of, it’s a little late for Valentine’s Day.
How much and with whom?
A whopping 464 Oxford students responded to our form, giving us a nice sample of the (mostly) undergraduate body. It appears students here fit the stereotype of being more interested in books than each other bodies, all in all Oxford students aren’t very promiscuous. Whilst the mean average number of sexual partners since arriving at Oxford was four, this was mostly the effort of a few randy individuals. The most common answer was one and the median average was two. Last year we pointed out Oxford’s shag-inequality, and 2026 is much the same; the top 1% of Oxford’s students had 16% of all of the sex. Don’t tell Zach Polanski.
Perhaps more interesting than how much sex Oxford students are having is who they are having sex with. According to our polling, the number of gay/lesbian, bisexual and pan sexual Oxonians is greater than that of the straight students. Polling places estimates only 30% of Zoomers identify as LGBTQ; either this figure is way under or Cherwell has a particularly queer readership.
A W for Worcester
Worcester put in a good shift this year, proving to be the college with the highest average body count. They topped (wink wink) the ranking with a self-reported mean Oxford body count of 7.2. Credit where credit’s due though – this was mostly the work of one particularly industrious individual who reported an Oxford shag count of 92, the highest of all respondents. Lincoln and St John’s closely followed, getting hot and heavy with an average of 6.1 and 6 people, respectively. Less strong contenders included Regent’s Park and New, coming in joint second-last position with a mean of 2. It was Merton, though, that had the worst case of performance anxiety. They reported an average of 1.9 Oxford sexual partners, the lowest of all colleges that responded. This only confirmed pre-conceptions – Merton was voted by the most people as having the least sex.
However, this was based on only self-reported hookups. Respondents also answered which colleges they had slept with. According to this metric, Balliol and Christ Church were the most promiscuous. 45 people reported hooking up with someone from these colleges, equating to 13.2% of all respondents. Jesus (12.6%) also had a steamy year and took second place on the podium. Keble and St John’s (both 12.3%) then followed. Across the road from St John’s, however, things weren’t quite so raunchy. Only one person reported getting with someone from Blackfriars Hall, officially making the PPH the most chaste of Oxford’s institutions Campion Hall and Wycliffe Hall weren’t far off this though, both having two reported hookups. We wonder why….
Sex or study?
History and Modern Languages appeared to have the highest body count average – 10.3 – but this was skewed by the small sample size. Excluding this, Geography students hiked up to the summit, putting themselves on the map with a 7.9 average body count. It appears they were more focussed on getting frisky than on their fieldwork. Less dedicated to the cause was Human Sciences. They seem to have been more focused on the science than on the human. Our sources revealed that they have an average of 0.5 sexual partners at Oxford, officially making them the least horny course.
Promiscuity, however, did not correlate to good looks. To be or not to be attractive was the question and English students did indeed come out on top. 22 people voted this subject as the one with the most eye candy. Humility though was not their strong suit; the majority of these respondents were themselves English students. At the other end of the spectrum, people were quite vehement in their responses; answers included ‘not physics’, ‘not PPE’, and ‘anything but engineering’.
A tour of Oxford
We surveyed Oxford’s hot places as well as people too. No stone was left unturned, from Teddy Hall graveyard (a good place to bone, if you will) to the Mansfield theology library to the Oxford-Gatwick coach. An attempt on the back of a Voi was also reported. One person boasted an incredible roster. They confessed: “Behind the bins on Ship Street, train station, Glink, Worcester lake, Gloucester Green market, New College mound, All Souls chapel, Sheldonian cupola, Westgate, Maths Institute, Radcliffe Science Library, and my tutor’s office.” We’ll never look at these locations in the same way again.
Someone else also reeled off their achievements. They reported: “I had a cheeky threesome with my best friend and her boyfriend, caused incest in my college family, and am currently sleeping with a 45-year-old.” Most other amusing stories revolved around sex playlists, such as one reporting being “treated to ‘The Combine Harvester (Brand New Key)’ during sex” and another describing “regularly hav[ing] sex with University Challenge in the background for ambience”. Only in Oxford.
How to hook up
In terms of how to find hookups, people were generally despondent. Oxford’s clubs didn’t prove so great for matchmaking: 36.2% answered that they “couldn’t say” which provided the best opportunities for casual sex while 10.8% bluntly answered “none”. Aside from this, Plush and then Bridge proved most popular for these purposes. Dating apps also got a bad rap. When asked if the apps had improved the dating experience, 42.5% voted “probably not” and 32.7% voted “definitely not”. People wrote that they are “superficial”, “soul draining” and, using a rather unusual simile, “like going to a pigsty to try to find a unicorn”. Overall, only 22.3% reported getting into an official relationship with someone they met on a dating site. Despite all this bad publicity, 70% of Oxford students still use dating apps to find sexual partners.
For those who are in a relationship though, things are generally looking good – excluding the 13 people who admitted their relationship would only last until the end of term. The majority of people have sex with their partner multiple times a week (52.2%) and believe that their relationship will last all their life (55.8%). Over-achievers. This is a particular feat for the 55.4% of students whose main dating goal at Oxford is to find a lifelong monogamous partner. In fact, the future for our peers is looking fairly traditional: 72.4% want to get married and 57.8% want to have children someday.
A pervasive problem
Cultural discourse in Oxford surrounding sex remains problematic. In response to the question of whether there is an issue with slut-shaming and judgement surrounding casual sex, the majority of Oxonians answered either “yes” or “maybe”. Many commented on the gendered nature of this shaming – of the “double-standard between men and women”, that “women tend to be scrutinised for dating multiple people but for men it’s not a big deal”, and how “crewdate culture can be more judgy about women”. Yet there also appears to be the inverse issue. 63.4% replied that they believe there is a pressure to not be a virgin at university. One person wrote about the pressure surrounding hook-up culture and how casual sex is used as social currency: “There can be a strangely competitive element to it, especially if your friends are regularly getting with people in clubs and you’re not.” Other issues within Oxford’s sex scene include those of consent. 85 respondents reported experiencing unwanted behaviour during sex, including slapping and strangulation. 80% of these identified as female. Also, 117 people reported having been pressured into sex.
Until next year
Well that’s it folks, our annual, entirely rigorous, and Pulitzer-worthy deep dive into the sex lives of Oxford students is done for this year. It’s all just a bit of fun, so please don’t come at us with comments about sample size, P-values, or statistical significance; we took the same Q-Step class you did. Until next year, have fun, stay safe, and maybe keep it out of college.
