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A Eulogy for Tommy

Ea! It’s so cold! I cried from me bed
when I pulled down the coovers an raised up me ed
to see bright rays of sunlight
stream into me room,
and fill it with joy where before there were gloom.

I pocked out a toe an pulled it back oonder
and felt our kid Jack ad made a great bloonder,
cuz outside t’were all glorious
an no cloud were in sight,
but inside t’was bloody freezing
cuz the heating were shite.

In the car, fooking ell, I won’t say it were nice,
with the screen all glazed up with crystalized ice.
We turned on the wipers an one snapped in haff,
if I adn’t ad cried I could ave well laughed.

But the day soon got better an I dried up me tears
when Sam bought a round for the first time in years
in the Old Speckled Hen,
what a fine poob that is,
with a slip of a barmaid named Jolly-Faced Jen.

They ad a warm fire wiv coal an big logs,
and even dead Tommy could bring in is dogs
to sit by the arth
and whimper and whine
til Jolly-Faced Jen would say it were time.

Then we’d get our long coats and Bill with is scarf
wrapped round is thick ed an the dogs by the arth
would look up in blithe ope at the thought of a bone
dead Tommy might nick from a bin by is ome.

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