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Navigating being a baby adult

After complaining that the Easter hunt had gotten too hard this year, my parents were quick to decide that it had in fact been my last hunt as I was an “adult” and it was “getting a bit ridiculous now”. I took this news super well and felt like my childhood had just died. Not that I had ever truly believed in an Easter bunny, but I did believe that I would always remain a child in the eyes of my parents. Coming to the slow realisation that I am now an adult, and have been for two years, is a reality that most people face at university, yet I can’t help but wonder when the word ‘adult’ will be something I actually feel. Becoming mature and ‘adult-like’ overnight is not realistic, so instead, I’ve compiled a list of mini challenges to help me (and anyone else that also feels out of the adult loop) make the transition into the world of boredom that I imagine adulthood to be.

1.        Become Linked-tf-In

When I think of maturity, I think of a person who understands this app. I genuinely had never found anything so humbling in my entire life, especially when I was told that everyone could see that I’d been stalking them. Since then, I have wisened up slightly and no longer keep tabs on my enemies through this medium. Now I actually check my profile viewers, because obviously my flood of job offers are about to come through, and I feel like this is my grand entrance into the world of work.

2.        Stop drinking squadka

This is a really hard challenge to stick to, especially within the cost-of-living crisis that has made boujee cocktails a luxury of the past. However, I am well aware that a true adult would never be caught dead with a vodka, water, and drizzle of squash combo drank out of a bop cup with a straw. Part of my dream for adult life consists of a love for red wine and neat whisky, which I hope my tastebuds are going to magically start liking in the next couple of months. If not, I might just level up to a vodka, lime, and soda, because even that seems to have more of an air of superiority.

3.        Buy a trench coat and wear it with chest

The trench coat is the epitome of an adult wardrobe and, because of this, I obviously bought one when I came to Oxford in an attempt to not fall victim to the puffer coat epidemic. However, it quickly became apparent that wearing a trench coat is a mental battle which requires a level of confidence that I just don’t have. I know that sounds ridiculous, but the amount of Sherlock Holmes, Inspector Calls related jokes I have lived through has made me feel like a child playing dress-up. Therefore, the day that I feel comfortable enough to strut around the streets with my detective coat billowing behind me will most certainly be the day that I see myself as a confident, mature young adult.

4.        Stop using Snapchat as my main form of communication

I actually am unsure how this is going to come about; do we all have to collectively agree to make the sad shift to WhatsApp and Facebook or is this an individual decision? I’m going to take a wild guess and say that the CEOs of this world don’t send daily red snaps backwards and forwards for no real reason. Instead, I imagine they communicate through concise WhatsApp messages ending with “kind regards, Susan”. I don’t think I will cope well with this challenge, but I’m beginning to accept the impending doom of Snapchat. Let’s not mention TikTok – that’s a whole different sacrifice.

5.        Complete a half-marathon

Pretty self-explanatory really. I don’t know one mature friend who hasn’t become a runner overnight and casually signed up for this major life commitment. This is the pinnacle of dedication and precisely what adulthood is all about: mundane routines and a love for boring activities.

This brings me to the end of my whistle-stop tour of adulthood. I know there’s definitely more to adulting than these trivial challenges but I hope that they will ease us into this terrifying, yet exciting experience. Good luck!

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