The humble polystyrene box full of cheesy chips – a student classic. It seems that every college has unwavering loyalty to one particular kebab van, which provides us all with the perfect follow up to Park End’s cheese floor.As Oxford’s self-appointed cheesy connoisseur, I set out on a quest: I had 24 hours to objectively evaluate the city’s four most esteemed establishments.

Oh, and a disclaimer. I go to Worcester.
So Branos wins.

HASSAN’S

I came here with high hopes, especially considering that at £3, these were the most expensive chips. It was, however, very underwhelming. While the chips themselves were greasy and beautiful, the cheese had congealed on top and they were severely under-seasoned. Disappointing.

CRUNCH: 4/5 FLUFFINESS: 4/5 CHEESE PULL: 2/5 CHEESE TASTE: 2/5 SEASONING: 1/5 Total: 13/25

MCCOY’S

This was a late addition to the list and I struggled to find it, having to even ask some bemused Pembroke porters where it was, but I was pleasantly surprised once I found it. The chips were slightly sub-par and some were under-cooked inside but the cheese was beautifully nutty yet sharp; it’s just a travesty there wasn’t more of it

CRUNCH: 3/5 FLUFFINESS: 2/5 CHEESE PULL: 3/5 CHEESE TASTE: 5/5 SEASONING: 4/5 Total: 17/25

HUSSAIN’S

This was the friendliest of the four places I visited, and they were very quick to serve me and generous with the cheese. Sadly, this meant that the chips had been sitting out, and so had got a bit soggy, and there wasn’t really any cheese pull as it didn’t melt. But the seasoning was exquisite.

CRUNCH: 2/5 FLUFFINESS: 2/5 CHEESE PULL: 1/5 CHEESE TASTE: 4/5 SEASONING: 5/5 Total: 14/25

BRANOS

They say that Heaven is a place on Earth, and I think I’ve found it tucked away around the back of Gloucester Green. The cheese was cheesy and gooey, the chips chippy and fluffy, and the seasoning salty. The ultimate place for any meal, whether it be after a night out or for breakfast, lunch or dinner.

CRUnCH: 5/5 FLUFFINESS: 5/5 CHEESE PULL: 5/5 CHEESE TASTE: 5/5 SEASONING: 5/5 Total: 25/25


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