These will be short, sweet, and largely unexplained given how pointless and wildly innacurate such predictions turn out to be.

Champions - Chelsea

Top Four (in order) - Chelsea, Man United, Arsenal, Liverpool

Relegated - Hull (good riddance), Portsmouth and probably Burnley

Top Goalscorer - The Drog. Actually, why isn't he in my fantasy football team?

PFA player of the year - Heart says Arshavin so I'm sticking with it

Newly promoted surprise package - Wolves should have the goals in them

First sacked - Phil Brown

Best signing - Thomas Vermaelen/Glen Johnson

Worst signing - Michael Owen was free so he hardly counts. Antonio Valencia/ Alberto Aquliani: Both have to fill boots far too big for their feet

Will the great Real Madrid experiment succeed: Unfortunately, yes.

 

So there we are. Feel free to comment, mock, or add your own