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Creaming Spires: 8th week Trinity

As the promise of the summer beyond Trinity beckons, to far-fl ung cities or to a City internship, the golden evenings hold more promise than ever. Exams are finished and for a few blissful weeks, Arzoo’s is fully booked almost every night.

There’s only really one ingredient for a great crewdate – an ability to embarrass, and at this tail end of the year, enough data has been gathered to ensure that no one goes unsconced for long.

There’s normally one on every crewdate. The team’s skipper. He knows the true art of throwing a penny, issues shoes with authority and aplomb, and has a lifetime ban from At Thai. He’s loud, he’s brash, he’s probably sexist, but for tonight, he’s bloody good fun. 

Now that he’s caught (dominated?) your attention, how do you end up going home with him? You can always stay quiet, but he may deem you boring and lose all interest. And I just don’t have fun trying to please some guy all night.

Or you can get caught in an overzealous sconce war with him, using embarrassment as a seduction technique. This is my preferred method. You’ll either emasculate him or he will pronounce you his ‘dream woman’ and propose on the spot. (This once happened twice on one crewdate. Big Bang has a lot to answer for…)

Slip away somewhere between the bar and Parkend, because I despise a) queuing and b) the entry fee. Go and ‘explore’ his college instead. I’ve ended up naked in lakes, run amok amongst deer, sighed on bridges, rolled across mounds…the list goes on. The sex is often outdoors, somewhere strange (be safe, kids!), but if there’s an itch that just needs to be scratched…

The worst part is normally the walk home the next morning, as articles of your clothing are often marooned deep inside fl owerbeds and strewn over paths – no one wants to be the girl who has to get dressed between the bedroom and the gate by picking up abandoned tights as you go. And somehow everything seems worse when you still have army stripes faded into your face.

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