Oxford's oldest student newspaper

Independent since 1920

Creaming Spires – 6th week Trinity

He may be at LMH, or live so far down Cowley that you’re fairly sure you’ve reached the ring road, or Christ, maybe even in Summertown, and the next morning you will have no idea how to get home. Google maps on a dying iPhone may try and show you the way, but when you get stuck in the grounds of Hugh’s and have to scale over a stone wall at half past three in the morning onto Banbury road – and are questioned by a porter as a suspected thief (the only thing stolen was my dignity) – you begin to question just why you have gone to the literal ends of the earth for a semi-decent fuck. You’ve been hit with an Outlier.

There are two ways you have ended up here – either you left Bridge and he gave you no clue as to quite how long the walk was, and you kept going, convinced by your achingly horny drunk alter-ego that it was just around the corner, or you did something slightly more shameful: the ‘Sober Day Trip’.

The shameful sober day-trip happened for the first time when I ran into an acquaintance in the city centre – in WHSmiths, the library, McDonald’s, and we ended up gradually traversing our way across the city via cafes and pubs that got closer and closer to his room. It was such a gradual migration that I barely even noticed until I was suddenly far, far away from the centre and it was still light out – being summer – and I didn’t want to do an essay. So we fucked, on a large and sturdy desk (that far out they have lots of space) because what else was there to do out there in the virtual wilderness?

I was sure that only townies and Brookes students lived this far away, but I knew that leaving the next morning would be OK because, hey, I was in day clothes, even though the walk would be hell. On this particular sober daytrip, I actually spent the next day in the same clothes because I a) am lazy b) I couldn’t be bothered to change and c) bantz. I’m all for shagging the odd outlier or two – it’s a great way to see the city, though the sex may be fairly dull because you’re both knackered from the journey – but next time, make sure to bring a bike.

Check out our other content

Most Popular Articles