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A Mother’s Day survival guide

Mothers. Yes, they may drive us up the wall with their constant nagging, and their reluctance to accept that we’ve flown the nest and have grown up and out of our malleable, putty-like and wide-eyed eleven year old forms. They can be as obstreperous as toddlers on shopping trips or family outings, and never cease to question our outfits, nay, our lifestyles, with an array of disapproving facial expressions and grunts.  

However, as James Joyce famously wrote, “whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother’s love is not.” They are our safety net under the tight-rope of life and we know that without them, like the perilously poised balls in Newton’s cradle, we’d constantly be vacillating betweenthe  poles of emotional extremity. And although at times, we can be more like Horrid Henry than Perfect Peter, Mother’s Day provides the perfect opportunity to bring our latent gratitude out with a few nice gestures and heartfelt words. Here are our Do’s and Don’ts:

DO remember the card, and and also remember to check – if you’ve moved on from/can no longer be bothered with handmade cards – that the message inside doesn’t in fact read ‘deepest sympathies’ (unless you’re going for an ironic take/genuinely pity your mother for having you to deal with). This one may seem blindingly obvious, but both Mother’s Day and Sympathy card designs tend to revolve around flowers.

DON’T take her protestations against present-buying and fuss-making at face value- it’s all a front, and you won’t easily forget her poorly disguised wounded look come Sunday morning.

Although she’s probably not expecting goodie bags of Diptyque candles and Jo Malone perfumes, DO get her a little something! But word of warning, don’t expect her to be thrilled with a Cadbury Milk Tray and Tesco bouquet of wilting chrysanthemums.

DON’T get her a novelty gift that you know she’ll never use – they may have gone down a treat with your friends, but ‘grow your own boyfriend’ kits and drinking straw glasses might fail to garner the same reaction from Mum, and will be a waste of your precious pennies.

DO get creative – although you can’t expect her to feign delight at the sight of a preschool macaroni necklace, a scrapbook of photos or CD mix of her favourite songs will probably get you more brownie points than a Cath Kidston purse or set of Emma Bridgewater bowls, as well as cost you far less.

DO give her the day off! Let her hog the TV, make her breakfast-in-bed (unless crumbs in the sheet and coffee spillages are a major grievance) and whatever you do, DON’T ask her what’s for dinner- a delicate subject on any day of the week.

And if you’re not together for Mother’s Day, DO remember to give her a call!

 

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