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Degrees of Stupidity – Theology

A recent survey suggests that only 4 out of 10 people in the UK believe in God. That is, however, considerably more people than believe in the utility of studying the concept of God. Theology is one of Oxford’s oldest degrees, the first course of lectures having been given over 800 years ago. It may be the original “ology”, but it’s long past time for it to make room for something more relevant.

There has never been any disaster in human history in which an anxious crowd has gratefully parted while a strong-jawed hero marched to the rescue saying “Make way – I’m a theologian”.  Abolishing theology would avoid the inevitable awkwardness when someone tells you they are studying theology, and you spend the rest of your conversation wondering “Do they really believe this sh*t or was this the only thing they could get in for?”

No doubt it once served a useful purpose.  When the second and subsequent sons of aristocratic families who lacked the requisite martial spirit for military service were packed into the Church of England, the degree gave them the necessary intellectual patina to bamboozle their peasant parishioners and keep the tithes rolling in.

But it seems that believing in God is not even necessary for a Church career any more. The Oxford University Theology and Religion Faculty website lists “the churches” (note that inclusive plural) at the end of a very long list of possible future careers, after consultancy, the police force and accountancy. The cosmological and ontological arguments for the production of an accurate balance sheet must be something to behold, and it is not clear what value an ailing business will derive from a consultant who tells you, “You need a miracle – and I can tell you what one is”.

It might be said that there are other degrees who find themselves stranded even further up the beach by the changing tides of intellectual fashion – Classics for example. But for so long as a knowledge of Greek and Latin etymology provides a surer basis for answering botany questions on University Challenge than actually studying the subject, Classics will have it place. So it is time to say farewell to Theology, and for the last theologians to ponder their own afterlife.

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