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Houmous Girl – 2nd week Trinity

The finest young minds in the country were locked in a seemingly interminable dispute over issues of incredible nuance and complexity.

“I fucking hate Park End.” Said Houmous Girl. 

“Babylove,” opined Obnoxiously Opinionated Guy, “is a Kafkaesque circle of hell.”

There was a vague air of disquiet hanging over the room. Worryingly Intense Girl had seemingly developed a psychosis, and was quietly rocking back and forth on the floor. This in itself was nothing unusual, but the debate over which small room the gang were going to drunkenly stumble around in for a couple of hours had reached hitherto unheard-of heights.

Obnoxiously Opinionated Guy languidly stretched out his legs, causing his omnipresent leather trousers to creak at the seams. He was going head to head with Houmous Girl and there was no way he was backing down. 

“But I might bump into Rower Lad at Park End,” retorted Houmous Girl. “I don’t want him sniffing around my dungarees all evening.” Obnoxiously Opinionated Guy delivered a fi fteen minute monologue on sexual liberation in the 21st century.

“… a social construct!” he concluded, packing away his overhead projector and handing out copies of The Female Eunuch. “So let’s hit the cheese floor.” 

The mere thought of interacting with a thousand or so actual human beings was enough to push Worryingly Intense Girl over the edge. With a squeak, she slipped into blissful unconsciousness. 

“Worryingly Intense Girl is worryingly blacked out.” observed Oxford Fetishist. He then made a joke about exam pressure that was too banal to even write down. 

It was probably for the best. Last time Worryingly Intense Girl made it as far as Park End, she had fallen into a swoon at the merest sniff of a WKD. Rower Lad had made a beeline for Houmous Girl, delicately skipping across the dancefloor with all the grace and finesse of a rutting rhino. Unfortunately then Worryingly Intense Girl had stood between him and his quarry. Rower Lad ploughed through the fainting weirdo without noticing her.

“Fuck,” said Houmous Girl with crushing finality, “Park End.”

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